


Life As We Know It

by SevenSeasOfSigh



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Adoption, Brian May/Roger Taylor Fluff, Car Accident, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, M/M, Maylor - Freeform, Minor Character Death, Modern Era, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Roger isn’t a man-whore, mentions of depression, roger is smart (bc he is irl), slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2020-09-01 04:01:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 80,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20251834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SevenSeasOfSigh/pseuds/SevenSeasOfSigh
Summary: Following a tragic accident, polar opposites,  astrophysicist Brian May and shop owner Roger Taylor are both appointee guardianship over their goddaughter and Rogers niece. Do they have what it takes to raise a child despite their differences?Modern EraBased off the movie “Life As We Know It”





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, all! This is loosely based off Life As We Know It, with Katherine Heigl (aka Izzie from Greys Anatomy♥️). I say loosely bc I've changed 90% of the story, but it follows the same plot
> 
> Clare and Roger are twins in this (irl they're like 5 or so years apart) but for the sake of the story, I made them twins. Matt is Clare's boyfriend/fiancé/husband. He's not real, picture him however you'd like lmao
> 
> I also decided to switch it up with their roles, but their personalities will be as in character as I can possibly get them. 
> 
> The first chapter is cut into sequences as it's mostly setting the foundation for the plot! 
> 
> Sorry for the long A/N!!

Rogers life was perfect. He owned a shop and clothes making business with his best friend Freddie, had a nice apartment, and had a wonderful family in his sister, her husband, and her daughter. Until one night, everything changed.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves here.

It all started four years ago...

** _February, 2015_ **

The night was young and the stars were shining brightly out the window. For a Saturday night, things were nice and quiet. No crazy parties echoing through the halls, no overly-loving couples making too much noise. Just a calm, serene quiet night.

But here Roger was, bored as all hell because his date was over an hour late.

His sister, Clare, set it up. She said she was tired of him moping about his ex. Which, yes, he's been pretty down about it, but they were together for two years! He was allowed to be a little bummed out.

Flicking through a magazine, he sighed. Did he really waste two hours of his life getting ready just to be stood up?

His phone buzzed on the coffee table and he quickly picked it up to check it.

_Clare-Bear 🐻: How's it going?!_

_Are you in love yet?!_

Roger huffed, unlocking his phone and sending back a reply.

_Roggie 🥁: So madly in love!_

_He's perfect!! _

_ Not._

_Clare-Bear 🐻: What???_

_Why???_

_Roggie 🥁: He's not here!_

_ I even put on my good cologne _

_ ☹️_

_Clare-Bear 🐻: maybe he got_

_stuck in traffic!_

_I met him before,_

_he's really nice!_

Roger sighed, looking in the mirror. His hair was messy in a good way, it looked great! But what was the point if his date didn't even show up?!

Just as he was about to rip his shirt off, a gentle knock came to the door. Roger huffed and went to the door with a faux smile. Do it for Clare.

Roger opened the door and looked up at the taller man. Sure, the guy was fucking gorgeous, but he was an hour and a half late!

"Hello, you must be Roger!" The man said brightly, a smile on his face.

"Hi, uh, Brian? It's Brian, right?" Roger raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, yeah. Brian's good." He cleared his throat.

"So, we should get going, right?" Roger smiled up at him, he at least had to make an effort. Maybe he wasn't that bad.

"Oh, right! Yes." Brian nodded, turning around and going to his...moped? Scooter? The fuck was that?

"Oh... Um... Brian?" Roger watched as he sat on the bike.

"Yeah?" He looked up at him with his head tilted.

"Could we just, uh, take my car?" Roger pointed to the small car parked in front of the flat complex.

"Scared of motorcycles?" He snorted, climbing off the bike. Roger rolled his eyes. That was not a motorcycle.

"I'm not.. pft, I'm _not_ scared. I'm just not dressed for forty mile an hour winds." He crossed his arms. "I can drive." He said hopping in his car.

Brian rolled his eyes and hopped in the front seat, buckling his seatbelt.

"So, where are the reservations?" Roger asked, starting the car.

"Oh, uh..." Brian cleared his throat.

"Okay... Where are we going?" Roger asked, his stomach was growling loudly.

"Anywhere you want. You can choose." Brian shrugged, looking out into the sky through the sunroof.

"Okay, fin-" Roger began before being cut off by the shrill of Brian's ringtone. Who even had their ringers on anymore?!

He peaked at the name and sighed, putting it back in his pocket as it continued ringing loudly.

"We can- You know what? Just go ahead and answer it. It's fine." Roger waved it off.

"You sure? Alright." Brian shrugged, pulling the phone out of his pocket and answering it. "Hey..." he began in a hushed tone. "Tonight? At eleven? Okay... How about ten thirty?..." He chuckled quietly. "Alright. See you." He hung up and slid his phone back into his pocket.

"We don't have to do this, Brian. Really, we don't." Roger sighed, his hand already reaching for the keys.

"No, no! It's fine! That was just a...uh, a sick friend. We can go!" Brian said, looking over at the blond.

"Brian, I'm not fucking stupid. I know a booty call when I see one. Just... get out of my car." Roger tore the keys out of the ignition.

"What?" Brian frowned over at him. "I'm sorry, but-"

"No, no, no! You show up nearly two hours late on, on a fucking scooter and then you don't even plan where to go, and THEN you make a booty call right in front of me! Get out of my car!" Roger yelled, his cheeks turning bright red.

"Fine, fine." Brian sighed, getting out of the car.

"I don't know what Clare and Matt were thinking." Roger scoffed, slamming his car door.

"I'm sorry?" Brian frowned, getting on his 'motorcycle'.

Roger rolled his eyes and stuck his middle finger up as he dialed his sisters number.

"I don't know what you were thinking, but that went AWFUL! The only way you can make this up to me is if I never have to see him again." He grumbled, opening the door to his apartment and slamming the door.

Little did he know.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_ **September 2017** _

"We're getting married!!" Clare squealed, showing off the diamond on her finger.

"That's amazing, Clare!" Roger smiled, kissing his sisters cheek.

"Don't be mad, okay? But Brian is the best man and um... it's not traditional, but I want you to my my maid of honor type thing. I know it might seem weird, but you're my best friend and I just... Please?" Clare smiled brightly at him.

"Are you joking? No, really?" Rogers face dropped. "I'm not wearing a dress."

"You don't have to, silly!" She giggled. "I just... I want you up there with me!"

"Okay, okay. I'll do it." He laughed, shaking his head. He definitely wasn't looking forward to seeing the asshole poodle. That's for damn sure.

"I know you and Bri didn't hit it off too well, but if you just tried..." Clare gave him her best puppy dog eyes.

"I'll be civil. Don't worry." He smiled.

And civil he was. Kind of.

The wedding day came and went, the two men bickering back and forth. They even had to walk down the isle together.

Roger rolled his eyes when Freddie, Rogers best friend from childhood, wolf whistled as they passed by.

"Look less dead, Rog." The taller man laughed.

"I'll make you more dead if you don't shut up." He grumbled back, moving to stand on Clare's side, not-so-discreetly flipping him the bird from across the alter.

Brian responded with a smile and a little wave. The bastard.

Brian and Matt had been friends since they were kids. Matt spoke very highly of his friend. Roger thought he was a stuck up prick.

"Isn't that your tenth drink?" Roger heard a voice behind him.

"Oh, fuck off. What are you? My mum?" He scoffed, finishing his drink.

"Just making sure you don't get drunk and ruin the night." Brian rolled his eyes.

"Wow, I didn't know Clare and Matt hired a buzzkill for the wedding!" Roger said sarcastically, leaning against the bar and giving him a dirty look.

"And you call me a prick." Brian huffed, crossing his arms. "At least I can move on from a bad date."

"I'm sorry, who made the date so bad? I do recall you being nearly two hours late, showing up on a scooter, and making a-"

"_Making a booty call in front of me_." Brian mocked in a whiny voice. "My point exactly!"

"What seems to be the problem, darlings?" Freddie came over, looking at them with a smile.

"Nothing, Freddie. Let's go over and find Clare." Roger said, pushing past the tall brunette.

"You'd make a cute couple." Freddie said, jogging to catch up with the agitated blond.

"Yeah, I'd rather drink acid." Roger scoffed.

"I thought you take it in pill form?" Freddie frowned.

"No, you dumbass. Battery acid. Carborane acid. Anything that would dissolve my entire body." Roger said, shoving a pigs-in-a-blanket in his mouth.

"Dramatic much? Come on, he's not that bad." Freddie chuckled. "He's cute, single, and he's smart."

"He's stuck up, arrogant, and a prick." Roger challenged.

"You have anger issues." Freddie sighed, sipping some champagne. 

"Isn't that Clare's?" Roger frowned a bit, looking at the glass that was bedazzled with the word 'Bride'.

"She gave it to me, said she wasn't drinking tonight." Freddie shrugged. "It's damn good too."

Roger furrowed his eyebrows. His sister loved champagne. "Oh my god."

"What, darling?" Freddie asked, setting the cup down.

"I'll be back." He said before rushing over to his sister. "You're not drinking tonight?"

"No, why?" She frowned, crossing her arms.

"Clare." Roger deadpanned, mimicking her position and staring her down.

"Fuck! Fine!" She sighed. "I'm pregnant. I just found out a few days ago! I was going to wait until after the wedding to tell anyone."

"You can’t hide things from me!" Roger grinned, hugging her tightly. "Ahh! I'm gonna be an uncle!" He whisper yelled, spinning her around.

"Roggie, I'm gonna throw up if you don't stop!" She giggled, pushing him off. "Go have fun! And stop bickering with Brian!"

"Okay, okay! But this talk isn't over, okay? Love you, Clare!" He kissed her cheek.

"Love you too, Rog." She laughed before running over to her new husband.

He watched with a smile how happy his sister was as the couple shared a quick kiss before whispering and giggling to themselves.

He could only hope for something like that one day.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

** _Five Months Later_ **

** _February 2018_ **

Roger was turning the 'open' sign to 'closed' when his phone started ringing.

"Hey, Clare! How'd the appointment go? Did you find out what it's going be?" He answered excitedly, turning the phone to speaker when Freddie came barreling over to him.

"Yes! We did! Are you guys ready to hear?" Clare said excitedly.

"You guys? Who's guys?" Roger frowned.

"Matt has Brian on the other line!" Clare said, chuckling quietly.

"Hey, Rog." Brian greeted unenthusiastically.

"What up, poodle boy?" Roger rolled his eyes as Freddie cackled in the background.

"Go on, dear! Ignore the squabbling boys!" Freddie said excitedly. 

"Alright, alright!" Matt laughed. "We're having..."

"A girl!!" Clare exclaimed, squealing with excitement.

"Oh my god, a girl!!" Freddie squealed. "Oh, Clare, dear! We have so many adorable things in the shop for baby girls!"

"Clare, Matt, thats amazing! Congratulations!" Roger could hear Brian bean through the phone.

"Sorry, Rog. Not a boy." Matt chuckled.

"Damn! I was so sure!" Roger laughed. "A girls pretty cool too. And there's always next round for a boy."

"That won't be for a while!" Clare laughed. "Alright, we have to go! Bye, boys!"

"Bye!" They chorused before the line went dead.

"Why don't you and Brian just get over it and have sex?" Freddie asked, crossing his arms.

Roger scoffed, his face twisting in disgust. "Because I hate him?"

"Hate is not the opposite of love. Do you know what is?" Freddie said poetically.

Roger rolled his eyes. "If you said indifference, I'll kick your ass."

"Come at me, little boy." Freddie smirked.

"We're the same height, you twat." Roger laughed, locking up the register.

"I was a boxer." Freddie said smugly.

"When you were ten. Now you're twenty-three and not a boxer." Roger smirked, walking over to the main entrance and locking up.

"Ugh, you're right." Freddie huffed. "But I'd still win the fight between us."

"Whatever you say, Freddie." Roger laughed. "Have fun on your date tonight."

"Have fun with your drums tonight, 'cause that's the only thing you'll be banging! Ha!" Freddie laughed to himself as Roger rolled his eyes.

"Bye, Freddie." He scoffed as the flamboyant man left the shop, swiping a shirt before he left.

Roger looked around his shop. It was growing in business and he was quite proud. He had Freddie as a designer along with him and they made all different types of clothes that they sold. Very Bohemian in style, as Freddie would say.

Roger smiled to himself as he left for the day. He couldn't wait to meet his little niece.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_ **Four Months Later** _

_ **June 2018** _

"Say hello to little Lila." Matt said softly, holding a small pinkie bundle in his arms and handing her to Roger.

"How come he gets her first?" Brian pouted.

"I'm blood, bitch." Roger smirked, rocking the baby gently.

"Roger! Language!" Clare scolded, crossing her arms.

"What? She's two days old! You think she's going to pop up and start calling people bitches? I mean, I'd pay to see that if she does." Roger joked.

"Some people just don't know how to act around children." Brian said, reaching out to take the baby.

"No! I just got her, Bri! Stop!" Roger glared at the taller man swiped the baby from the grumpy blond. "I hope you know I hate you."

"Feeling is most definitely mutual." Brian cooed, smiling down at the little baby.

Clare and Matt shared a look, giggling to themselves and shaking their heads as the twenty-one and twenty year old argued back and forth in hushed baby voices.

This was going to be a long ride.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_ **One Year Later** _

_ **June 2019** _

"Happy first birthday, Lila!" Roger exclaimed, walking into the house with two large bags.

"Uncle Rog brought gifts!" Clare said excitedly, bouncing the smiling baby.

"Better than uncle poodles, I bet." Roger cooed, placing the bags on the ground and taking the baby girl from her mother. "Isn't that right?"

"Actually, I got her a nightlight that's projector and shines the entire solar system on the ceiling and books about sp-" Brian was quickly cut off by fake snoring and giggles from the baby.

"Oh, sorry, I fell asleep because that's boring as sh-oot." Roger tickling Lila's China before continuing. "I got her a toy drum set, clothes designed by me and sewn by Freddie, and things that one year old actually like." He smirked as the taller man rolled his eyes and walked away from the two over to Matt.

"Would it kill you two to just get along for one minute? If you actually tried, I think you might find yourself actually liking him." Clare sighed, crossing her arms. "You've held the grudge of the date for too long! He was... he was going through a rough time and acted like a bit of an arsehole, but he's not like that. Trust me."

"What happened?" Roger snorted, crossing his arms. "Too many booty calls to handle?"

"It's not my place to tell. But maybe if you're nice to him, you'll find out." Clare replied, taking Lila from her brother. "Now come on, it's time for cake."

Roger sighed and followed her. Had he been too tough on Brian? It's not like Brian ever made an effort to be nice to him. So why should he?

"Alright! Let's get a picture of Lila's two favorite uncles with her!" Matt announced with a smile, waiting while Roger and Brian crouched on either sides of the high chair, grinning for the camera.

At least they could pretend for Lila's sake.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_ **Present day** _

_ **August 2019** _

Roger had a long day. The landlord threatened to kick him out if he played his drums too loud again, sales were down at the shop, and Freddie ditched him for the third weekend in a row to hang out with his new boyfriend, Jim.

All in all, Roger just wanted to take a hot add bath and stew in his own self pity. So that's exactly what he did.

The tub was filled with too many bubbles and some even spilled on the floor. Roger sighed, attempting to relax in the tub.

Try as he might, he just couldn't relax. He had a gnawing feeling in his stomach that something was wrong, though he hadn't the slightest idea of what it might've been.

"I'm overthinking." He sighed, closing his eyes. "Maybe I'll call Clare in the morning and stop by for a while." He mused, humming to himself.

He nearly feel asleep when his phone began to buzz.

"Huh." He frowned, looking at the unfamiliar number and picking up.

"Hello? This is he." He answered, listening as the calm voice spoke over the phone.

He felt his face go pale, nearly dropping the phone into the bubble infested water.

"O-Oh god... I-I'll be right there." He muttered, hopping out of the tub and dressing quickly before getting in his car and speeding to the hospital.

When inside, a police officer approached him.

"Mr. Taylor?" He asked quietly, stopping in front of the shaking blond.

"Y-Yes." He looked up at the man, his eyes glistening with tears. "Wh-Where are they?"

"I'm sorry, sir. They... The accident was severe. They didn't make it." He explained gently.

"Th-They have a baby girl. Was she in the car? Is she okay?" He asked frantically.

"No, the baby was in the care of a babysitter. She's been placed with a foster family for the night. I'm...I'm very sorry for your loss." The officer said, patting his shoulder before leaving the room.

He didn't turn around the door opened, and all he could do was fall into the arms that wrapped around him, burying his face in the puff of curly hair.

They were gone.


	2. What Do We Do Now?

The house was silent. Eerily silent. Brian sat on the couch with his head in his hands, occasionally glancing up at the tearful blond pacing on the phone. 

"Why can't we go pick her up? I'm her uncle. No, no! She'd be better here! A lawyer? In the morning? Ten o'clock. Okay, fine. Fine. Bye." Roger ran a hand over his face before another sob ripped through his body. 

Brian carefully stood up and pulled him in for a hug. "I'm so sorry, Rog..."

"Me too..." He swallowed. "They were your best friends too."

Brian took in a shaky breath and nodded. "Why don't we get some sleep, okay? You can take the guest room and I'll... I'll take the couch."

"Are you sure?" The blond sniffled, looking up at him.

"Yeah, I'm sure." Brian gave him a sad smile. "I'll see you in the morning, Rog."

"Okay, 'night, Bri." Roger swallowed, biting his lip before going upstairs. 

Brian sighed, dropping to the couch and throwing off a few throw pillows. God, what was with Clare and Roger and their throw pillows?

Closing his eyes, he leaned back into the couch and drifted off into a restless sleep. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The morning came faster than he realized. He woke up to Freddie calling his phone, soon realizing he had thirty-four missed calls and thirty-three voicemails from his best friend. He quickly called him back and explained the situation, just barely keeping himself together. 

"I can't come in today, Fred. No, I'm fine. I'll... I'll tell you more later, I just... I can't right now." Roger paced the room, avoiding Brian's questioning gaze. 

"Take your time, dear. I'll hold things down until you get everything sorted out." Freddie said softly. "I'll come over in after the shop closes."

"Okay, thanks, Freddie. Can you wait to come until tomorrow though? The lawyers coming over soon and then I have to go and pick Lila up and take her to wherever Clare and Matt said she's supposed to go if they..." Roger trailed off, his voice breaking more and more as the words came out. 

"It's alright, darling. I understand. Call me later when you find out where she's going." Freddie said. "I'll talk to you later, dear."

"Bye, Freddie." He sighed, hanging up the phone. 

"If you want, I can go..." Brian said quietly. 

Roger shook his head. "They'd want you here..." He said quietly, his voice cracking. 

"Alright, I'll stay." Brian said gently, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

Roger nodded and bit his lip. "I'm sorry, I just..."

"Rog, you don't have to apologize. If you want to cry, it's okay. What happened... god, you're handling it better than I ever could." Brian said, rubbing his shoulder soothingly with his thumb. 

"Th-Thank you..." Roger said, tears trailing down his cheeks. Without hesitation, Brian wrapped his arms around the blond and allowed him to sob into his chest.

"Have you talked to your parents?" Brian asked softly. He'd never met them, but he figured there was always so many people at the events and he just never got around to it. 

Roger bit his lip, pulling away and falling onto the couch. Brian frowned at him. He realized he must've struck a nerve as the blond sobbed into his hands. When his sobs calmed down, he sat in silence for a few minutes. 

"Roger?..."

"My parents are dead, Brian." Roger choked out. "They died at the end of 2014, December. The house caught on fire when they fell asleep with a candle going. Cat knocked it down or something..." He sniffled.

Brian cautiously sat next to him, wrapping an arm around him as he cried quietly. He felt tears streaming down his own face. 

"Clare was all I had left." He whispered, closing his eyes tightly. 

"You have Lila..." Brian offered. 

"They're going to take her away." Roger said softly, looking over at him. "They'll likely adopt her out. I read up on it last night. God, I'll never see her again..." 

"You don't know that for sure." Brian sighed, reaching over to grab a tissue off the side table, offering it to the blond. 

He took it gently and wiped his eyes and nose, holding the white tissue in his hand as the doorbell rang. 

"I guess we'll just see then." He said quietly, standing up and going to the door. 

"I can get it, Rog-" Brian stood up, heading towards the door. 

"I'm fine." Roger snapped, opening the door. 

Brian sighed, shaking his head. It was stupid of him to think that they'd actually start getting along. 

He watched as the lawyer came in with a briefcase and Roger led them all to the office room.

The lawyer watched them for a moment before giving them a sympathetic smile. 

"Hello, my name is Jim Beach, I was Clare and Matt's lawyer. I'm so sorry about your loss. I know this is just an awful time without adding legalities." He said, his voice was calm and it helped soothe the nerves of both men. 

"Thank you." Roger said quietly, his eyes bouncing around the room. 

"Had Clare and Matt discussed with you what would happen to Lila in the unlikely event that they both die?" Jim Beach asked looking between the two. 

"No, they didn't." Roger answered, frowning at the man. "Are they putting her into the foster system?..." he asked warily. 

"No, they specified that both of you be appointed guardians of the child. I'm sorry, I'm sure this isn't how you planned on starting a family" He frowned at them. 

"Excuse me?" Brian spoke up. "Both?..."

"What?" Roger frowned. "We're not together."

"They tried to set us up but-" Brian looked around awkwardly. 

"It didn't work out." Roger cleared his throat. 

"Yes, I advised them against it, but they insisted that it be the both of you." Jim sighed, shaking his head. "It's what they requested."

Roger took a deep breath and nodded while Brian stared down at his lap. 

"I...I know that this is a lot to take it, but there are other options. You can surrender her to the-"

"No." Roger said, looking at him. "No. I'm not going to send her away. She's...She's my family. Clare wouldn't want that. Neither of them would." 

"We'll figure it out. We're not giving her up." Brian nodded, receiving a grateful glance from the blond. 

"Alright. You can go and pick her up. Uh, there will be a social worker here in a few days to check up on things. Make sure it's going smoothly." Jim cleared his throat. 

"Okay... You don't sound enthusiastic about that." Roger crossed his arms, frowning a bit. 

"Well, many times, it's frowned upon for-" 

"What? Two men to raise a baby?" Brian narrowed his eyes. 

"We can raise the shit out a baby. Right, Bri?" Roger crosses his arms. 

"Right." Brian mirrored his actions and folded his arms over his chest, both men staring down the lawyer. 

"Um, no. They frown upon single parents. They'd rather put a child in a home with two loving, together parents. Do you understand?" He asked, looking as their angry faces dropped into shocked ones. 

"What are you suggesting?" Roger asked, swallowing a bit. 

"I'm suggesting that you don't let on that you aren't together. That will be your best bet if you'd like to keep the child. Pretend to be engaged if you can, you don't have to marry." Jim shrugged. "Just a suggestion."

"We'll do it." Roger said, avoiding the curly haired mans gaze. 

"Don't you think we should talk-"

"I'm not losing my niece, Brian." Roger turned his glassy eyes to him. "Our niece. Please. After the social workers are gone, you can go. Just... Please, do this for Matt and Clare. Do it for Lila."

"I'll do it for you too." Brian said, biting the insides of his cheeks. 

Roger nodded, lunging forward to hug him. "Thank you, Brian." He said quietly before pulling away to shake Jim's hand. "Thank you, Jim."

Brian stood up and shook his hand as well. "We better go pick her up then."

"Are you ready?" Roger looked at him, grabbing his keys. 

"If you are." Brian nodded, slipping on his clogs. 

Roger scoffed as he tied his sparkly shoes. He chose the pink ones today. 

"You're scoffing at my shoes?" Brian asked incredulously. "Look at yours!"

"You're wearing wooden blocks, Brian. Mine are at least fashionable." Roger rolled his eyes before walking out the door. 

Brian sighed as he followed him. So this is going to be his life now...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Roger watched the children in the playroom run around, giggling and drawing. He smiled slightly to himself at the sight. 

"Just sign here, Mr. Taylor. And Mr...?"

"May." Roger said absentmindedly. 

"You're not married?" The woman raised an eyebrow. 

"Not yet, but he's keeping his last name because he's going to be a Dr. May one day." Roger said, signing the paper and not noticing the surprised face of Brian staring at him. 

"Well, that makes sense." She smiled. "I'm sure Lila will be very happy with such sweet, loving parents."

"She will be." Brian smiled a bit, signing the papers himself.

"Alright, that's all I need. I'll go back and get her now." The woman smiled before standing up and walking out of the room. 

"I can't believe you remembered that I'm working on my PhD..." Brian said quietly, a soft smile on his face. 

"Yeah, well... You never shut up about it." Roger cleared his throat. 

"That's not true." Brian chuckled. "I've mentioned it once, two years ago."

"So what? I have a good memory..." Roger grumbled, crossing his arms. 

"You don't hate me as much as you say you do." Brian beamed at him. 

"Oh, shaddup." Roger chuckled slightly, before jumping out of his seat when the door opened. 

"Lilac Taylor." A man in scrubs said, walking into the room with the small baby girl. 

"Lila..." Roger smiled softly, quickly taking her from the man. "Hey, flower..." He cooed softly, holding her close to his chest. 

Brian watched as the smaller man took the baby in his arms and held her close. He couldn't help the sad smile the came to his face as he walked over to see her. 

"We should get her home. And then we need to talk." Brian said, nodding goodbye to the lady and opening the door for Roger. 

The blond smiled slightly at the woman, shaking her hand before walking out of the room and to the exit doors. He carefully buckled the baby into the seat, kissing her head gently. 

The drive back to Clare and Matt's house was silent, Lila whimpered a few times but Roger was quick to soothe her with a pacifier and soft humming. 

Before they knew it, the car was parked in front of the house. They sat quietly for a moment, soaking in the situation when Lila began to cry. 

"Don't worry, Lila. We're going to get you home and safe and..." Roger took in a shaky breath. "It'll be alright."

Lila smiled up at him with big blue eyes, grabbing at his shirt and letting out a loud scream. 

"She screams like you, Rog." Brian said, a joking tone to his voice. 

"Taylor's have strong lungs, I guess." He joked weakly as the baby grabbed at his hands.

"Remember at the wedding, when you spilled champagne on Clare's dress and you both screamed bloody murder?" Brian looked back at him, a sad smile on his face. 

"That was something else, huh?" Roger chuckled quietly, though his eyes held a heart breaking sadness deep down. 

"We should get her inside." Brian suggested, turning the car off. 

"Yeah, yeah... Sorry, I just need a minute. It's...It's a lot, Bri." Roger swallowed, carefully unbuckling the baby and pulling her to his chest. 

"I know, Rog. It's okay, really." Brian sighed, opening his door and quickly getting Rogers for him.

The smaller man got out carefully, nodding to Brian as thanks before going into the house. 

Lila looked around curiously before yawning and resting her head on the blonds shoulder. Roger smiled softly, patting her back and going upstairs. 

"Rog?" Brian frowned. "What are you doing?"

"Bri, she's tired. I'm putting her in her crib. I've watched her a thousand times before. I know what I'm doing." Roger said, rolling his eyes. 

Brian heaved a sigh and sat on the couch, running a hand through his messy curls. 

After putting her down, Roger descended the stairs and walked into the lounge. He stood silently in front of the older man. 

"Bri... What are we going to do?" He asked quietly. "What do we do now?"

"I don't know, Roger." Brian sighed. "We have a lot to talk about. I don't... I don't know where to go from here."

"They wanted her to grow up here..." Roger said, looking over at him. 

"Rog, do you know how much it costs to live here?" Brian frowned. 

"They paid it off with the life insurance, Brian." Roger crossed his arms, staring down at him. 

"That's the mortgage, Rog. That's not including bills, utilities, taxes! I don't make that much! I'm still in school! And what are you? A cashier at a shop?" Brian huffed, stressed beyond relief. 

"I'm a fucking business owner, Brian. I own the shop." Roger glared at him. 

"Matt was a lawyer, Rog! Together we don't make up half of what we need!" Brian said in exasperation. 

Roger closed his eyes and turned around, wrapping his arms around himself. 

"What the hell are we doing?" Roger asked quietly, his voice was so soft Brian hardly heard it. 

"Rog..." Brian sighed, seeing the tenseness of the younger man. 

"No! What are we doing?! We can't stand each other, Brian! Everything we say turns into a fight! Lila doesn't deserve that!" Roger turned around to face him, his crystal blue eyes filled with tears. "She deserves Clare and Matt, but they're gone!! They're gone..." Roger whispered, his voice breaking harshly. 

Brian felt guilt flood his stomach as he watched Roger breakdown. Not only did he lose a friend, but he lost his twin. His best friend. The only family he had. And here Brian was, insulting his career and throwing his grief in his face. 

"Roger, I'm sorry." He said quietly. "We can work this out, okay? We'll make it work. I promise." Brian put both of his hands on his shoulders, staring into his eyes. "We'll be okay."

Roger swallowed, hesitantly burying his face in the taller mans chest. Brian didn't let himself overthink it. Roger's grieving, just as Brian himself was. He was just taking whatever comfort he could get. 

"You can go get some rest. It's been a long day, if you need a nap. I'll keep an eye on Lila." Brian said, wiping the tears away from the blonds cheeks. 

Roger nodded softly. "Okay. Thanks, Bri." He said, giving him another tight hug before curling up on the couch. 

"You're not going to the guest room?" Brian asked curiously. 

"I don't want to be alone right now..." He said shyly, he red glossy eyes gazing down at the ground.

Brian nodded and sat next to the blond, who scooted closer, laying his head on the older mans lap. 

Brian smiles slightly, playing with the blond strands and stroking them gently. 

“This doesn’t make us friends...” Roger tired voice filled Brian’s ears, causing him to snort. 

“Yeah, okay...” He replied, smiling to himself as he watched the blond fall asleep. 

It was only three in the afternoon, but Brian let him sleep as he continued stroking his hair. He couldn’t believe how peaceful the fiery man seemed now. How...beautiful? 

Brian knew Roger was attractive. It was a given, really. The sapphire eyes, honey blond hair, and... his body was nice too, he’d admit to staring at his ass a few times. 

But beautiful? That was a new thought. A scary one. He wasn’t supposed to think that. 

Truth be told, Brian never hated Roger. Not even when the blond would scream and throw things at him. Not when he’d direct his anger at the lanky man. Never. Not even after their ‘date’. 

Maybe if he’d have been on time and, well, not acting like a right prick that night, Roger would’ve liked him. Maybe it would’ve worked out. 

No. They’re so different! There was no way they’d ever get along! They weren’t friends. Not lovers. Not even ex’s. 

But they were stuck together. They had to stick together for Lila. For Clare and Matt. 

Brian just hoped the butterflies in his stomach was due to the situation, and not because of curled up blond in his lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She’s home! And is Brian perhaps catching feelings? Have the feelings already been caught? Hmmm
> 
> Anyway, hope you all liked it!!
> 
> Peace ✌🏻


	3. Bathtime Rendezvous

It was nearing five o'clock by the time Roger and Lila awoke from their respective naps.

Roger was surprised to find Brian hadn't moved at all, simply sitting there and playing on his phone.

He could've sworn he felt him stroking his hair, but upon opening his eyes, he found both of the older mans hands were firmly on his phone.

"Sleep well?" The soft voice asked, looking down at the heavy eyed man in his lap.

"Yeah, great." Roger replied, yawning before sitting up. "You stayed?"

"You said you didn't want to be alone." Brian shrugged, standing up and stretching.

Roger watched him, biting his lip as he saw his shirt raise and show off his lower stomach. He immediately slapped a hand in his face.

"You okay?" Brian looked down at him, amusement written in his face.

"I'm trying to wake up...my face." Roger said lamely.

Brian cocked an eyebrow at him, opening his mouth to respond before getting cut off by a high pitched cry.

"Oop- gotta go!" Roger blurted, running up the stairs and into Lila's nursery.

The small baby was sobbing loudly, laying on her back in the whitewashed crib. Roger frowned and picked her up before rocking her gently.

"Shh, Lila..." He cooed softly, bouncing her gently.

The baby continued screeching loudly, he face turning red and tears flowing steadily out of her large blue eyes.

"Come on, flower. Don't cry, it's okay..." Roger continued rocking her, looking to the door to see Brian's concerned gaze.

"What's wrong? She slept for about two hours." Brian frowned, walking over to feel her forehead. "No fever."

Roger nose scrunched suddenly, an unpleasant smell filling the small bedroom.

"She shit." Roger deadpanned.

"What?" Brian stepped back. "I've never changed a diaper. You do it."

"What? I'm not going to be the only one changing diapers for the next two years! You do it!" Roger said, putting Lila in his arms.

Brian opened his mouth to argue, but soon closed it. Lila was already crying enough, a screaming match wouldn't help the situation.

The taller man carefully laid her down on the changing table, looking down at her warily as she stopped crying and gave him a curious look.

"I don't know what I'm doing..." Brian said, staring down at her.

"Just undo the tabs, Brian." Roger rolled his eyes, leaning against the armoire beside him.

"Okay, okay!" Brian huffed, reaching down to undo the tabs before backing away with a gag.

"Don't do that! You're gonna make me throw up!" Roger covered his mouth and nose, suppressing a gag himself.

"She didn't even eat enough to produce that!" Brian cringed, walking back over to the now giggling baby. "Give me the wipes." He demanded, putting a hand out and Roger handed him. single wipe. "More!"

"Okay, calm down!" Roger shouted back, covering his nose. "Get it out of her toes!"

"Alright..." Brian reached down to begin cleaning the baby up before the sound of the doorbell echoed through the house. "I've got it!" Brian announced, throwing the wipes down on the table before running downstairs.

"Brian!" Roger yelled. "Don't leave me in here!" He turned to the babbling baby and sighed. "Ugh..."

Brian quickly opened the door and smiled at the couple at the door. John and Veronica Deacon smiled back at him, carrying their one year old daughter and holding the hand of their two year old son. Brian nearly choked when he saw that she was pregnant again.

"Hey, Brian. Is Roger in?" John asked, rocking the baby gently.

"Oh, yeah. He's upstairs changing Lila." Brian answered, clearing his throat a bit.

"We just wanted to come by and say that we're sorry for your loss. Both of you." Veronica said softly, putting a hand on his shoulder. "We heard something about you two adopting her."

"Uh, yeah... We're still trying to figure that out a bit. Thanks though. We, uh, we appreciate it." Brian rubbed the back of his neck.

"Brian, darling!" Brian sighed deeply when he heard the voice. Hadn't Roger told him to come tomorrow.

"Hey, Fred." Brian greeted, looking at the large group of people gathering at the door.

"We came over to see how Roger's doing." Jim said politely. "And you too of course."

Brian had to grit his teeth when he saw Mary and her husband David approaching the door.

"Hi, Brian. We brought a casserole." Mary said with a pitying smile.

Roger slowly came down the stairs with Lila in his arms and quickly saw the stiffness of Brian's shoulders. Shit, he usually only gets that when he's about to blow up at Roger about something.

He quickly came out from behind Brian with an apologetic smile, a soft chorus of 'aws' filling his ears as they saw him.

"Is that for me or the baby?" Roger joked, a small smile on his face.

"You with a baby, darling. If you weren't irresistible before, you with a baby in your arms will win over every woman and gay man in town." Freddie grinned at him, noticing how Veronica and Mary were gawking at him (and strangely enough, David too).

Roger glanced up at Brian before pressing his arm into him in attempt to comfort him, it seemed to help because the taller mans boy finally relaxed.

"Thank you for coming by, but nows a bit of a bad time. We're both pretty new to this, so we have no idea what we're doing and I have...arrangements to make." Roger cleared his throat at the last part. He knew he had to be the one to make Clare's funeral arrangements, as much as it hurt him to do so.

There was a small chorus of support, everyone coming up and hugging him gently.

"Give me- er, us a call if you need anything, Roger...and Brian." Mary smiled awkwardly.

"Thanks, Mary." Roger smiled, waving goodbye to everyone before shutting the door and turning to Brian. "You alright?" He asked gently.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little overwhelming having everyone popping up so suddenly." Brian shook his head, reaching over to take Lila out of his arms. "Did you notice?"

"Notice what?" Roger furrowed his eyebrows.

"Mary and Veronica were checking you out." Brian chuckled. "And David and Jim."

"No, they were just looking at Lila." Roger smiled, squeezing her cheeks. "Who could resist this face?"

"They were definitely staring at you." Brian said, pulling out a stool and sitting at the counter.

"Hmm." Roger hummed, carefully putting Lila in the high chair.

"What?" Brian cocked an eyebrow.

"Nothing, nothing." Roger shrugged. "Just sounding, you know, a little...jealous?" Roger smirked, looking at him from over his shoulder.

"What would I be jealous about?" Brian scoffed.

"What wouldn't you be jealous about?" Roger shot back with a grin.

"Great, you got your ego inflated." Brian sighed, standing up to prepare the baby food.

"I'm only joking." He chuckled. "What are you doing?" Roger asked as he watched the taller man getting the blender out.

"Making Lila dinner?" Brian raised an eyebrow as he began cutting up fruits and vegetables and putting them in the blender.

"It looks like vomit." Roger scoffed, watching at Brian blending other ingredients together before pouring into a bowl.

"She's going to like it! It's healthy!" Brian argued grabbing a baby spoon and sitting in front of her.

"She's not going to eat it." Roger crossed his arms, stepping out of the line of fire.

Lila looked at the spoon with wide eyes. She raised her gaze to a smiling Brian and giggled before opening her mouth and accepting the food.

"See? She likes it!" Brian smiled widely, making a silly face at the little girl and giving her an open mouth smile. 

And it was in that moment that she decided to spit all the food in her mouth back at Brian with a tiny cringe and loud giggles.

"Told you so!" Roger said gleefully, going into the cupboard and starting a box of macaroni and cheese.

Brian sat there in shock, greenish hoop sliding down his face. He spit the food that landed in his mouth into the bowl before wiping his face with a napkin, all the while Roger and Lila laughed hysterically at him.

"Aren't you two peas in a pod." He muttered grumpily.

"Aw, you can't stay mad at her! Look at her little face! Look into her big eyes and try to be mad at her!" Roger grinned, adding the noodles into the pot.

Brian looked at the giggling baby and a soft smile spread across his face.

"See? You can't stay mad when you look at her." Roger smiled, gazing at the little baby girl.

"She looks a lot like you." Brian commented.

"Well, me and Clare are twins. Fraternal, but we basically looked identical." Roger said softly. "Her hair is dark though. Nearly black."

"She got that from Matt." Brian said, watching as Lila grabbed his index finger.

"It's starting to curl up at bit too." Roger smiled. "She might look like a poodle, just like you."

Brian didn't know why, but Rogers comment made his heart flutter. A soft smile spread across his face as he reached out and touched the small curls on the baby's head.

"Wouldn't that be something?" Brian chuckled, kissing the top of her head.

A comfortable silence filled the room as Roger finished the mac and cheese.

"Do you want some? Wait, no. You're vegan, right? You can't have cheese?" Roger tilted his head at the older man who chuckled and shook his head.

"I'm vegetarian. I eat cheese. I'm surprised you remember." Brian smiled.

"Pft, only cause you never stop talking about it." Roger scoffed. His excuse was weak. Brian never talked about it unless directly asked or confronted.

"Hmm, sure." Brian smirked a bit to himself, accepting the plate of noodles.

Roger sighed and put some of the yellow noodles into a bowl and made his way over to place it in front of Lila.

She immediately stuck her hand in the bowl and shoved the noodles in her mouth with a happy squeal.

Roger grinned at the sight, looking to Brian who was chuckling as well.

"She's gonna need a bath after this." Brian said, looking over at Roger with an amused grin.

"Baths usually help her sleep anyway." Roger shrugged, gazing adoringly at the baby.

"You're amazing with her, Rog." Brian smiled, nudging him a bit.

"You think so?" Roger smiled softly.

"I know so." Brian smiled back.

"Thank you." Roger dipped his head bashfully, a hint of a blush spreading across his cheeks.

If Brian didn't know any better, he'd find the sight to be adorable.

"Well, bath time." Roger stood up, grabbing a baby wipe and wiping Lila down the best he could before wiping the high chair. Once he deemed it clean enough, he picked up the one year old and headed for the stairs.

"Need help?" Brian asked, standing up as well.

"I wouldn't mind a hand."

They shared a small smile before heading up the stairs.

Roger quickly started the bath, Brian checking the temperature and adjusting the knobs before putting Lila in the warm water.

The small girl squealed and giggled, splashing around as Roger sprayed her down with the removable shower head.

Brian held her up by her armpits, aiding her in standing as Roger washed away the suds. He grinned at the baby’s giggles before feeling a splash of water hit his face. 

The now soaking wet man turned his head to see the smirking blond spraying the baby again. In a bold moved, Roger turned the nozzle back to Brian and let out a giggle himself as Lila was giggling hysterically.

Brian couldn’t help but laugh himself, sitting Lila down in the tub and grabbing the shower head from the blond, spraying him back.

The blond squealed with laughter, covering his face from the water.

“I surrender! You win!” Roger laughed.

Just as Brian accepted his victory and backed down, Roger stole shower head back and sprayed the curly haired man again.

By the end of the bath, all three were completely soaked with stomachs hurting from their laughs.

Roger smiled to himself as he watched Brian get Lila in her pajamas. It was a horrible situation they found themselves in, but despite their past and the tragedy, Roger suddenly felt like everything would be okay.

Brian placed the small girl into her crib, kissing her forehead gently before turning the light off and shutting the door.

“First night went well, huh?” Brian smiled softly, watching Roger towel dry his hair.

“Better than I expected.” Roger said, leaning against the wall with an easy smile on his face.

“Me too.” Brian nodded, mirroring Rogers action and leaning on the other side of the hallway wall. Brian felt his stomach flip as Rogers eyes met his own, locking onto them without so much as a glance away. 

“Well, I’m gonna head to bed.” Rogers gaze fell to the floor. “Goodnight, Bri.”

“Goodnight, Rog.” He said, oddly disappointed as he watched the blond slip into the guest bedroom. He shook his head. Why was he disappointed? What had he expected anyway?

With a sigh, he went downstairs to the lounge and set up the pullout bed before crawling under the blankets and falling asleep.

Much to his dismay, his dreams were filled with a temperamental blond.


	4. More Cats?

"We need a schedule." 

Roger's head shot up off the table, dark bags under his eyes and paperwork scattered around the surface before him. He glanced down at the papers, clearly recognizable as funeral arrangements and bills for the shop. 

"A what?" He asked tiredly. 

"A schedule." Brian repeated. "A plan for certain things for specific days?"

"I know what a schedule is, genius. I mean what for?" Roger asked, a miffed tone filling his voice. 

"Well, we're two working adults, yeah? You have your shop job, I have my actual job-"

"Actual job? You don't consider my job an actual job?" Roger glared, he was much too exhausted to deal with Brian's quiet condescension. 

"What? That's not what I meant!" Brian sighed, rolling his eyes. "I mean, did you even go to university for it?"

"I took business classes. Because I own a business." Roger crossed his arms. "A job is a job, Brian. Not everyone has the means to go and be a fucking rocket scientist."

"Why are you starting a fight right now?" Brian sighed, putting a hand to his face.

"Hmm, maybe because you insult my profession every time you get the chance, you act as if I don't have a brain, and because you're being a complete asshole while I'm trying to make funeral arrangements for my sister." Roger spat, standing up from his seat to pick Lila up before heading upstairs. 

"Roger!" Brian sighed, dropping his head in his hands. It'd been a week since they started this whole mess and they needed to return to their jobs. Maybe he was poking the bear. He knew Roger worked the shop from the ground up and it was the most popular shop downtown. He knew it wasn't easy. 

Guilt settled in his stomach as he ascended the stairs, cracking the door to the nursery open to see the younger man in the rocking chair with Lila in his arms. He stayed silent as he listened to the soft voice of Roger as he sang a quiet lullaby to the small child. 

He stayed still until Roger rose up to lay the child in her crib before he went out the door. His soft expression turning harsh and icy as his eyes met Brian's. 

"Oh? Did you come up here to call me stupid again or do you have a new insult you'd like to share?" Roger crossed his arms. 

"Rog, stop." Brian snapped. "You're always picking fights."

"Me? Pft, yeah. Sure. I'm the problem, Mr. 'did you even go to university'." Roger jabbed a finger at his chest. "I've been doing everything. Diapers, feedings, everything! My sisters funeral is tomorrow! Can I have a break from your constant judgement?" 

"You act like I asked for this! You act like this is what I wanted with my life!" Brian glared down at him. 

"And you think I want this?! You think I wanted a dead sister?! To be left with her orphaned daughter when I have no idea what I'm doing?! You think this is my idea of a perfect situation?!" Roger argued in a hushed yell. "If you hate it so much, just fucking leave!"

"Fine. I will." Brian glared silently, grabbing his jacket and going down the steps and towards the door.

Roger stared down at him from the top of the stairs. Brian finally let himself meet his eyes. He didn't just see the anger he thought he would. He saw hurt. Pain. Disappointment. And fear. Brian felt a flush of guilt come over him, dropping his keys on the table before going back up the stairs to the blond. 

Roger's gaze fell down to his feet as a tear slipped from his eye. He took in a shaky breath, trying to control the trembling of his hands. He lifted his head when he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

"I'm sorry." Brian said softly, wiping the tears from Roger's cheeks. "I know you're smart and I know you work hard at your job. You built that business up and it's thriving, you should be proud. And I'm sorry for just...being such an ass. I know you lost your sister, but I lost my best friend. A man that was like a brother to me. Was my brother. We...We need to be here for each other, okay? We need to help each other through this. Lila deserves that. We deserve that." He said gently, his hand still resting on the other mans cheek. 

"I-I can't do this alone." Roger said shakily. "I can't raise her by myself."

"I'll help you, Rog. They chose us for a reason. I...I won't leave you. I promise, I'm not going to leave either of you." He dropped his hand and pulled him in for a hug. "We need to at least be friends, yeah?"

"I'm sorry too." Roger sighed, leaning into the hug. "We'll have to be, for Lila's sake." He nodded. 

Brian pulled out of the hug and stuck his hand out. "Friends."

Roger took his hand and shook it. "Friends."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"They were so young!"

"That poor baby!"

"Why would they leave her with...them?"

"They should've driven more careful."

"I didn't even know those two were together."

"I wonder what Winifred and Michael would think of this."

Roger brought a shaky hand to his face, biting at his lip nervously. The funeral was filled with bitchy older people who overshared their opinions quite loudly and without care. And they say his generation is disrespectful.

He watched as they all left and the funeral reception came to an end. He was just relieved to be without the weird distant relatives and random people he hardly knew judging his situation. 

"Ignore them, Rog." Freddie said, putting an arm around the younger man. "You know how they are. They're pissbags."

Roger huffed a shaky laugh and nodded. "I know, I know." He sighed. 

Brian walked over to him, Lila in his arms. "How're you holding up?" He asked, a concerned expression at his obvious upset state. 

"I'm doing alright," Roger sighed, carefully taking the toddler and holding her close. "It's better that I hold her, so I don't punch the dentures out of one of these twats."

"There's my fiery boy." Freddie clapped his shoulder. "On the bright side, they're more concerned about your whorish tendencies rather than your gayness." He offered. 

"I'm not a whore!" Roger grumbled. 

"I know, dear. That's why I said whorish tendencies. And that was years ago. You've gotten better." Freddie shrugged. 

Brian raised an eyebrow at the peeved blond. "What-"

"Don't worry about it." Roger rolled his eyes. "And from what I've heard, you don't have much of a clean streak either."

"What do you mean?" Brian crossed his arms. 

"Booty call. Right in front of me. Ring a bell?" Roger asked, cocking an eyebrow at him. 

"Fine. Yeah, but I'm over that now." Brian sighed. "Can we talk about this later?"

"We don't have to, Bri. It's over now, yeah? Don't worry about me, I won't worry about you. We're raising a kid, we're not together." Roger shrugged. 

"Speaking of not being together, your favorite customer keeps coming in and asking for you. I think your crush isn't as unrequited as you thought." Freddie smirked. 

"Your crush?" Brian asked, his eyebrows raised in interest. 

"Shut up." He said before looking at Freddie. "He asked about me?"

"Yeah, he's come in three times already. We've got ourselves a real regular. And he let it slip that he's a doctor." Freddie nudged the younger man. 

"I'm almost a doctor." Brian muttered. 

"Doctor of medicine, Bri." Freddie chuckled. "Anyway, he left his number last time, so here you go, darling! Dr. Samuel Winston. Or Dr. Sam, as he says." 

Roger grinned to himself and took the small slip of paper. "Thanks, Freddie."

"If you need a babysitter so you can go on your date, Jim and I are free this weekend. Not Sunday, we're getting a kitten on Sunday." Freddie said, slipping his jacket on. 

"Another cat?" Roger raised his eyebrows. 

"Fuck you, I love them." Freddie rolled his eyes. 

"I thought you said Tiffany was pregnant?" Roger laughed. "You'll have ten kittens!"

"No, darling. We took her to the vet and apparently she's just getting a bit heavy." Freddie shook his head. "The naughty little thing steals Tom, Jerry, Goliath, Dorothy, Romeo, Oscar, Miko, and Lily's food!"

"I can't believe you're getting a tenth cat." Roger shook his head, chuckling to himself. 

"You're just jealous that you don't even have the dog you want!" Freddie grinned, kissing Lila's cheek. "Alright, I'm going to head home. Call me when you set up the date!" He winked before walking out the door. 

"Are you really going to call that guy?" Brian raised an eyebrow. 

"Yeah, not today though." Roger shrugged, setting Lila down with her toys. "Can you give me a hand cleaning up?"

Brian nodded and quickly began cleaning up with Roger washed the dishes. An uncomfortable feeling settling in his stomach. 

He should be happy for Roger. Someone that he genuinely liked felt the same way! So why is he upset? 

He couldn't be jealous! Could he?

"I'm going to go give Lila a bath." Roger announced, picking her up and heading upstairs. 

"Need help?" Brian asked, watching as he stopped in the middle of the stairs and nodded, motioning him to follow. 

Brian quickly made his way up to the bathroom to see Roger already filling up the tub and putting her in. Suddenly he neutral face twisted into worry as he washed her. 

"What's wrong?" Brian frowned, moving closer to them. 

"Look at her stomach. There's a lump above her bellybutton. Has that always been there?" Roger frowned deeply, running a finger over it. 

"It's just an outie, isn't it?" Brian looked closer, tilting his head. 

"It's not. She's never had an outie." Roger got up. "I'm taking her to the doctor. It's still early enough for it to be open." He left the room and quickly called and made an appointment before coming back into the bathroom. 

"Did you want me to come?" Brian asked, standing up and wrapping her in a towel and draining the tub. 

"No, it's fine. Why don't you just...make that schedule you were talking about." Roger suggested, grabbing clothes and a diaper to dress the now whining baby. 

"She's cold." Brian said. 

"She's wet and naked, Bri." Roger chuckled a bit, dressing her quickly. "I'll call you let you know when I find out."

"Alright." Brian nodded, kissing Lila's forehead and nodding to Roger. "I'll see you when you get back."

Roger gave him a tight smile and quickly descended the stairs before walking out of the house and to the car. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Roger say quietly in the car as the nurse took Lila's vitals, murmuring that everything looked good before turning to him with s smile. 

"Dr. Winston will be in in just a moment." She said cheerfully before walking out. 

Roger shook his head. It was just a coincidence. The guy couldn't actually be here. 

Lila squealed and blew a raspberry on his cheek just as the door opened once more to reveal none other than Dr. Samuel Winston. 

"Hey, I'm Dr. Sam." He smiled. "And you are the shop owner, yeah?"

"The Shop Owner is a rather odd name, my friends call me Roger." He joked, cringing inwardly of the awkwardness it radiated. 

"Well, Roger, it's nice to meet you again." He smiled. "I'm Lila's primary care doctor. I heard what happened and I'm very sorry to hear that." He smile faded, an empathetic look on his face. 

Usually, Roger hated pity. But he didn't think it was possible to hate anything this man did. 

"It's not easy, but it is what it is." Roger sighed. 

"It's definitely a shock, especially the suddenness of getting guardianship of Lila." Dr. Sam shook his head. "It's incredible what you're doing."

"My, uh, friend is a big help. Clare and Matt appointed us both guardians." Roger explained as Dr. Sam began examining her stomach. 

"Hmm, that's definitely an interesting situation." He commented.

"Yeah, it's alright." Roger chuckled nervously. 

"Alright, so what I'm seeing is an umbilical hernia. Usually harmless and they go away on their own more often than not. Call me if it stays longer than two weeks." Sam smiled, tickling the baby a bit before writing on the pad of paper. 

"I thought you said it goes away in its own." Roger tilted his head, watching him scribble on the prescription pad. 

"This is for you." He grinned, handing him the note. "I prescribe you a dinner for two. Next Friday night, at say...seven?" 

"Hmm, I think that sounds perfect." Roger grinned back. 

He hurried and picked up the diaper bag and Lila before waving goodbye and getting out to his car. 

He grinned the whole way home.


	5. Was That A Compliment?

The door swung open and Brian hopped to his feet, his face filled with concern.

"You didn't call or text! Is she okay?" The words flew out of Brian's mouth quickly as he grabbed Lila from the other man's arms.

"She's got an umbilical hernia, but they go away on their own." Roger grinned. "She's okay.

Brian sighed in relief, kissing her forehead gently. "What the prescription slip for then? You said it goes away on its own."

"Well, if you must know. I have a date with Doctor Sam." Roger grinned widely.

Brian blinked. His stomach churned uncomfortably. "That's, uh, great. When is it?" He asked, gritting his teeth.

"Next Friday at seven. Are you good with Lila?" Roger smiled up at him, not noticing the stiffness of his body.

"Sure, yeah." Brian sighed. "Take a look at the schedule I made up and put down anything you need to do. I have Tuesdays and Thursdays off for classes." He said, putting Lila down in the playpen.

The little girl screeched loudly before giggling and throwing a toy at Brian.

"Lila, no throwing!" Brian scolded as Roger laughed behind him. "Don't encourage her!"

Lila babbled loudly, picking up another toy and offering it to Brian with wide eyes. She smiled widely, babbling nonsensical words.

"Thank you." Brian smiled slightly, taking the toy.

"Isn't she perfect?" Roger smiled, gazing down at her.

"She looks like you." Brian said, immediately regretting his timing when the blond whipped his head around with a big grin.

"Was that...a compliment, May?" Roger crossed his arms with a smirk that made the older man's heart flutter. "Are you calling me perfect?"

"Bad timing of my words." Brian blushed, clearing his throat.

"So, I'm not perfect?" Roger cocked an eyebrow, his smirk still firmly on his face.

"What? No? Yes? You're...fine? What?" Brian stumbled through his words, trying to avoid insulting him while avoiding coming onto him.

Roger just laughed, tilting his head back slightly. "I'm joking around, Bri. Loosen up." He said, clapping a hand on his shoulder.

"Right, uh... Just go check the schedule, please." Brian sighed, his cheeks burning.

"It's so easy to rile you up, you know?" Roger chuckled and walked over to the large calendar he set up going forward three months in advance. He read over the dates and began adding his own.

"November 14th, I have a big event at the shop. Don't forget, that's the most important thing coming up." Roger said with his back turned, writing it in big, bold letters on the sticky note before applying it to the calendar.

"Mhm." Brian hummed in response, brushing a comb through the one year olds curls.

Roger turned around and smiled at him. "You know, she may have my face, but she's definitely going to have hair like you."

"You keep saying that." Brian huffed a laugh. "Thought you hated my 'stupid hair' though?"

"I never said that." Roger shrugged, sitting on the couch before a knock came to the door. "My god, every time I sit down!" He grumbled.

"I'll get it, Rog." Brian stood up and went to the door, opening it cautiously. "Hello?"

"Hi, I'm Cassidy Smith. I'm a social worker and was assigned to your case in regards to Lila Taylor." The small woman explained, a pleasant smile on her face.

"Oh, alright! I'm Brian May." He said, shaking her hand with a smile. "Come in, I'll go get-"

"Roger Taylor?" Cassidy smiled, tilting her head.

Brian looked behind him to see the blond smiling while holding Lila.

"It's nice to meet you." He greeted politely, lifting Lila up on his hip. "This is Lila."

"Nice to meet you all as well." She nodded as they led her inside.

Roger set Lila down in her playpen, handing her a few toys before joining the others at the kitchen table.

"So from what I understand from Mr. Beach, you two are together?" Cassidy looked between them.

"Uh, yeah. We are." Brian answered, clearing his throat.

"Okay, good. Good. That makes this so much easier." She grinned, jotting Diana few notes. "And this is a serious relationship?"

"We're engaged." Roger blurted out, grabbing Brian's hand on top of the table with a smile.

"Y-Yeah. We are." Brian shifted slightly, smiling awkwardly.

"Can I see the ring?" Cassidy asked, tilting her head.

"Oh, it's gorgeous! I actually sent it to be cleaned, we've been so busy I haven't had a chance to pick it up." Roger shook his head with a grin. "Right, Bri?"

"Yeah! We've been really busy with Lila and uh, figuring things out." Brian explained, twisting his fingers in his hair.

"Alright, well, that's great." She smiled widely. "This is going to be an easy case. Two loving people in a healthy relationship is exactly what we want to see when placing a child." Cassidy said, looking up from her pad of paper. "Alright, just a few more questions. Is that alright?"

"Yeah, of course." Brian nodded, looking to Roger who nodded as well and squeezed his hand with a smile.

Brian bit his lip as he felt butterflies in his stomach, glancing down at their hands.

"Good! Okay, how is the living situation going to go?" She asked. "Will you live where you previously did or will you continue to live here?"

"Here." They both answered, sharing an amused look.

"Mhm, and as for the marriage?" She looked up at them.

"No date set yet." Roger said, looking to Brian. "We're focused on Lila now. Marriage comes after."

"You two are just perfect, my goodness." She grinned, scribbling more things down. "And did you plan on adopting before?"

"Yes, we've discussed it many times." Brian answered.

For nearly an hour, they answered each question thrown at them before walking Cassidy outside, nodding when She informed them of the surprise visits she'll be doing over the next few months. Roger shut the door with a relieved sigh.

"We did good." He said, looking up at Brian.

"Yeah, we did." Brian smiled softly down at him, their eyes locking onto each other.

Roger felt himself unable to look away, his back pressed flush to the front door. He watched as Brian gazed into his eyes, feeling his heart rate quicken in pace as Brian stepped closer.

Roger tilted his head as he saw what seemed like the older man leaning down closer to him. He felt himself leaning up and inching closer when a loud cry caused them to jump apart.

Brian backed away quickly, his cheeks flushing red. "I-I should get that."

"Y-Yeah. Sounds good." Roger stammered, his gaze falling to the ground as Brian ran out of the room.

What the hell just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a short one here! Next chapter should be longer ;)
> 
> Anyway,
> 
> Peace ✌🏻


	6. Chapter 6

Nearing three in the morning, Roger couldn't fall asleep. His mind kept drifting to the strange moment between himself and Brian.

Roger picked up his phone off the night stand that night and quickly found Freddie's name.

CarLover 👱🏻♀️🚗👅:

Fred

Fred

Freddie

FREDDIE I STG

CatLover 👧🏻🐈👅:

ROGER WHAT?? ITS 3 am!

CarLover 👱🏻♀️🚗👅:

I have a crisis

CatLover 👧🏻🐈👅:

...

I'm intrigued

CarLover 👱🏻♀️🚗👅:

I think I almost kissed brain

CatLover 👧🏻🐈👅:

Excuse me?

You did what with a brain?

CarLover 👱🏻♀️🚗👅:

Ugh

*Brian

CatLover 👧🏻🐈👅:

That makes more sense😹

Wait

Hold up

Go back

WHAT DO YOY MEAN YOU THINK YOU ALMOST KISSED HIM?!!??!1!?2!?!3!?

CarLover 👱🏻♀️🚗👅:

I don't know! It was weird! We had to pretend to be together for that social worker lady and ugh! I guess I got caught up in the moment 🙄

CatLover 👧🏻🐈👅:

Or

Maybe

JUST maybe...

You wanna fuck him🤭

CarLover👱🏻♀️🚗👅:

Impossible.

CatLover👧🏻🐈👅:

Don't lie to me bitch💁🏻♀️

CarLover👱🏻♀️🚗👅:

Freddie, I don't have feelings for him!

Why would I?

That's crazy.

Shut up.

CatLover👧🏻🐈👅:

🗿

You're so convincing

Are you still going on that date?

CarLover👱🏻♀️🚗👅:

Of course I am!

Sam is perfect.

CatLover👧🏻🐈👅:

You're using punctuation

That's a sign that you're freaking out

You like Brian!

CarLover👱🏻♀️🚗👅:

Disgusting

Ew

No

Not ever

He's my business partner

In raising a child

I only almost kissed him bc

Uh

I'm lonely 😔🤙🏻

CatLover👧🏻🐈👅:

Sure

We'll discuss this more later

Lemme know if you fuck, k?

CarLover👱🏻♀️🚗👅:

K

CatLover👧🏻🐈👅:

👩🏻🦱👱🏻♀️

/|\/|\

| /\

/ \

It's u and Bri

👨👨👧

U, Bri, and Lila

Wait

👨🏻👨🏻

💕💘💖💗It's me & Jim💞💓💗💘

CarLover👱🏻♀️🚗👅:

Go to sleep😂

Roger shut his phone off and rolled over. His stomach churned as his thoughts screamed in his mind.

Of course he didn't have feelings for Brian! That'd be absurd!

But then why did he wish Lila hadn't cried in that moment?...

** _*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_ **

** _FRIDAY NIGHT_ **

Roger stood in the bathroom, one arm holding Lila and the other focusing on his hair.

"Darling, I can hold her." Freddie chuckled.

"You can try." Roger sighed, beginning to hand her over.

The small girl erupted in loud cries, grasping at the blonds shirt.

"She won't budge." Roger sighed, looking over at Freddie. "I can't go if she's just going to cry the whole time."

"I've got her. Go ahead." Brian said from the doorway, picking her up from his arms. Brian felt his breath hitch as he looked over the man in front of him. His hair was done almost neatly and he was wearing a suit, minus the tie. He looked...beautiful.

"Well, I'm insulted that you didn't cry for him." Freddie pouted.

"She's been really attached to Rog lately." Brian shrugged, clearing his throat as he tore his gaze away from Roger. "Have fun tonight." He smiled slightly.

"Thanks, Bri. I'll be home around nine thirty-ish." Roger grinned nervously. He practically jumped out of his skin when the doorbell rang. "Alright, bye!" He yelled before walking out the door.

Brian sighed, walking down the stairs and setting Lila down to play.

"You're moping!" Freddie said, staring at him.

"What? No, I'm not." Brian frowned.

"You wish that was you, going on that date with Rog." Freddie smirked, picking up Lila. "He's a jealous little boy, isn't he?"

Lila squealed, giggling loudly.

"She agrees. And she's never wrong." Freddie said, cradling her in his arms. "You can't lie to her."

Brian sighed. "I'm confused."

"I thought you were gay?" Freddie raised an eyebrow.

"No! Not about that!" Brian scoffed. "He's... He's different than he was four years ago."

"Well, not really. I think you're just seeing him differently, Bri." Freddie smiled and sat next to him. "Look, darling. Feelings change, but... Honestly, it seems like you've been fighting these feelings for a while. If that first date went better, I have no doubt that you'd be married by now." Freddie shook his head.

"What are you on about?" Brian frowned.

"I'm assuming he told you about his parents before?" Freddie cocked an eyebrow.

"Yeah, he mentioned it. House fire." Brian said, a curious look on his face. "Why?"

"Because, well, he was with his parents that night. He got Clare out first. Then he ran back to get his parents, they were both sleeping. By the time he got in, the bed was on fire and they were..." Freddie pressed a hand to his eyes. "He couldn't get to them. A firefighter dragged him out. He was in the hospital for about a month for his lungs. Clare was devastated. Stayed every night with him."

Brian listened intently, his heart aching for the blond. "I-I didn't know."

"Clare said she met you before and heard you were freshly single, so she set you both up. And I've only heard Rog's side of the story, so the date seems like you were a real ass, but-"

"No, I was." Brian sighed. "My girlfriend cheated on me a few weeks before. I... I went through a bit of a depressive state and just jumped from person to person for a while and... God, if I had known..."

"But you didn't." Freddie shrugged. "First impressions are overrated. Jim absolutely hated me when we first met, and now we are just the golden couple." He smiled. "What I mean is, you still have a chance."

"Yeah..." Brian stared down at him lap.

"I'm here if you need to talk, darling. Just give it a thought." Freddie smiled.

Brian gave him a small smile up at him as Freddie kissed Lila's head.

"Can Jim and I be her godparents?" Freddie asked with a grin.

"Fred... Roger and I are her godparents." Brian raised an amused eyebrow at him.

"Goduncles." Freddie shrugged.

"That's not- You know what? Sure." Brian chuckled softly. "See you later, Fred."

"Text me if you need help with her!" Freddie waved, walking out the door.

Brian sighed as the door shut.

Did he really have feelings for Roger?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"I'm really glad we did this." Sam smiled shyly, parking outside the restaurant.

"Yeah, me too." Roger smiled, looking over at him.

Sam got out of the car and quickly made his way over to open the door for Roger.

The smaller man smiled up at him. "Thanks." He said shyly, getting out of the car.

"I hope you don't mind music. I picked a piano bar. Dinner and a show. What'd you think?" Sam grinned when Rogers face lit up.

"Absolutely perfect." He said, grabbing his hand and running into the building excitedly.

Sam gazed at him when they sat down, smiling as they both ordered drinks and food.

"Hm?" Roger smiled, looking over at him.

"Nothing, you're... You're just so beautiful, you know? I've never seen eyes like yours." Sam blushed. "Sorry, I just couldn't help but notice."

Roger blushed softly, smiling widely at him. "No, no. I'm flattered. Thank you." He bit his lip. "So, uh, you come here often?"

Sam laughed and shook his head. "A few times. Once with my ex-wife."

Roger raised his eyebrows, tilting his head. "Ex-wife, huh?"

"Like how I snuck that in?" Sam chuckled quietly. "Yeah, we got divorced about a year ago. Right before I met you, actually."

"Before? Oh good, I wasn't trying to be a home wrecker." He joked, shaking his head. "It's alright. I mean, you're fine with my situation so it'd be pretty fucked up if I ran just because you've been married."

"To a woman..." Sam looked at him warily.

"I've been with women before. The world isn't just gay and straight." Roger shrugged, a small smile on his face.

Sam smiles and sipped his wine. "So, if you don't mind my asking, what's the situation with the other man appointed Lila's guardian?" He asked curiously.

"We're, uh, old friends. I mean, we aren't close. He's kind of like an annoying older brother." Roger chuckled awkwardly.

"So no feelings, I presume?" Sam smiled.

"Well... No. Never. We went on one date, well, we didn't even leave the house so-"

Sams eyes widened a bit, a surprised look on his face.

"What? No! That's not what I meant! We didn't leave my house because we didn't go on the date. He went on some booty call and I stayed home to watch shitty tv." Roger explained, relaxing when Sam chuckled a bit.

"Okay, just making sure." He said jokingly, sending the blond a cheeky wink.

Roger smiled back, looking down to see their hands intertwined on top of the table.

He expected to feel butterflies in his stomach. The uncomfortable twist he felt when Brian- No. Why was he thinking about Brian?! He's on a date with a guy that's he's been pining for for months!

Roger felt a gentle squeeze on his hand and smiled when his phone began to ring. He took it out of his pocket and frowned. "It's, uh, it's Brian." He hated himself for the flip his stomach did upon seeing his name on the screen.

"You can answer! I don't mind!" Sam smiled softly. God, he was so nice.

"Hello?" Roger answered quickly, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Hey, I'm really sorry for interrupting, I just...I need you. Lila's spiked a pretty high fever snd shes been coughing and uh, she threw up and can I talk to the doctor, please?" Brian's frantic voice came over the phone.

"Alright, calm down, Bri." He said softly, his own nerves bundling up. "Sam, it's for you." Roger handed the phone over to Sam, hearing the faint voice of Brian across the table.

"Hmm, okay. I'd say take her in. Emergency room, yeah. Mhm, of course! I hope she feels better." Sam smiled. "Alright, buh-bye." He hung up the phone and handed it back to Roger.

"So where were...we?" Sam tilted his head as Roger stood up and collected his things. "Where are you going?"

"Emergency room." Roger's voice was a bit shaky.

"Alright, let's go." Sam put a hand on his shoulder and threw some money down on the table before they both left.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Roger rushed in, moving to Lila’s side and kissing her forehead. “God, she’s burning up.”

“You came?...” Brian looked at him with surprise.

“Of course, Bri. You said you needed me.” Roger looked at him with a small smile before a knock back to the door and Sam came in with hospital gear on.

“I looked over her chart and we’ve concluded that she has RSV. It’s very common in infants and most children get it at some point before they turn two.” Sam explained, writing on a pad of paper. “She’ll need lots of fluids, a saline spray, and a nebulizer. Some Ibuprofen will help with her fever.” He tore the sheet off and handed it to them.

“Thank you, Dr.... Sam?” Brian cleared his throat, an appreciative smile on his face.

“Anytime.” Sam grinned. “Hope you feel better, Miss Taylor.” He booped her nose, causing the baby to giggle.

“I never asked why she has your last name, Roger?” Sam smiled.

“Well, her parents decided that Matt’s last name was just...cruel.” Roger chuckled, Brian let out an amused laugh as well.

“And what was that? I’ve always known him as Matt Taylor.” Sam asked.

“Matthew Cockfield.” Brian shook his head. “He got hell for that in school. He was so excited to have a normal last name.”

Roger laughed quietly, stroking Lila’s curly hair. “So this little girl’s a Taylor. Definitely not a Cockfield.”

Brian grinned over at him, chuckling softly.

“Well, I hope you all have a good night.” Sam chuckled, walking out of the room.

“I’ll be right back, Bri.” Roger nodded, running out to follow him. “Sam! Hey, thanks for tonight.”

“Of course, I had a great time.” Sam smiled down at him.

Did he ever stop smiling?...

Roger bit him lip nervously. He was getting frustrated at the lack of butterflies in his stomach! This guy was absolutely perfect!

Sam shifted nervously. “Though, one thing disappointed me.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I was hoping to take you home and uh, give you a goodnight kiss.” Sam rubbed the back of his neck.

Still no butterflies?!

Roger smiled up at him. “It’s not too late.”

“It’s not?” Sam raises his eyebrows in surprise.

“Not at all.” Roger grinned, leaning upwards and pressing a soft kiss on his lips.

Brian ducked his head out the door, looking around for the blond as Lila had been discharged and he needed to see if he needed a ride home.

He felt his stomach drop when he saw the blond cup the doctors cheek and press a kiss to his mouth in the corner of the hall. Brian closed his eyes and walked to the nursing station, signing a few papers before heading to the elevator.

Roger pulled away, disappointment filling his stomach. No butterflies. No spark. Nothing.

“Uh, goodnight, Sam.” He smiled.

“Goodnight, Roger. I’ll call you!” Sam nodded with a grin.

Roger gave him a nod before running to Brian, getting into the elevator.

“Your date went well, I’m guessing?” Brian cocked an eyebrow.

“Yeah, he’s nice.” Roger shrugged. Too bad he felt...nothing.

“Well, I had a great date too.” Brian smiled.

“You did now?” Roger looked up at him with a small grin.

“This pretty girl and I had watermelon, pizza, and salad. Then we watched half of the Aristocats.” Brian chuckled.

Roger cursed himself when the sound caused his stomach to erupt with flutters. The feeling intensified after looking at Brian’s smile.

“Freddie dropped that off, huh?” Roger grinned.

“How’d you know?” Brian asked jokingly. “Thanks for coming, Rog. I’m really sorry if I messed up your date.”

Roger shrugged it off. “Lila comes first, Bri. Always.”

“Always.” Brian smiled, leading them out of the hospital and buckling Lila into her car seat.

Despite being sick, she smiled widely up at them.

“She’s so beautiful.” Roger smiled, poking her cheek affectionately.

“She really is.” Brian smiled over at him, his gaze filled with much more than a friendly feel.

Brian got in the drivers seat, quickly stopping by the chemist and grabbing what they needed for Lila.

By the time they got home, they teamed up to convince Lila to take the medicine without spitting it all over their faces.

“Lila, love, please. Stop spitting on Uncle Rog.” Brian begged.

“Is uncle Bri force feeding you drugs? Bad uncle Bri!” Roger grinned mischievously.

“I see how it is.” Brian chuckled, throwing one of the bribing cookies at him.

“You’re going to pay for that, May!” Roger laughed, flinging a spoonful of pudding at his face.

Roger threw his head back laughing at Brian’s offended face. Brian couldn’t help the smile that stretched over his face as the sight. Without hesitation, he took a handful of pudding and smooshed it into Rogers face.

Lila squealed in laughter, slapping the table excitedly, throwing a cooking at Roger as well.

“You too, Lila?!” Roger laughed harder, wiping pudding from his eyes.

Lila threw her head back, giggles shaking her whole body.

Roger and Brian shared a sweet smile at the sight. The mess was worth making the little girl feel better.

“Lila, can you say Uncle Roggie?” Roger asked, smiling in front of her.

“No, no! Say Uncle Bri!” Brian said, squishing next to Roger who pushed him away playfully.

Lila stared up at them, mouth open almost as if she was shocked at their request.

“Dada...” She said, looking up at them.

Roger blinked. “What?...”

“Dada!” Lila squealed, grabbing both of their hands and looking between them. “Papa...”

“She just...” Brian gaped, staring down at her.

“She did.” Roger swallowed.

Lila beamed up at them, continuing on to babble crazily.

“I guess you’re papa, Rog.” Brian smiled over at him, tears shining in his eyes.

“Guess you’re dada.” Roger returned the smile, his own tears pricking in his eyes.

Quickly getting the baby to take her medicine, they wiped her down before going upstairs to put her down.

They shared a small smile before separating to take their own respective showers.

Once they cleaned the cookie and pudding off of themselves and got into pajamas, they met in the kitchen for tea.

“Tonight was great.” Roger smiled, sipping from his mug.

“Yeah, Sam really seems to like you.” Brian shrugged, hiding his disappointment behind his own mug.

“No, I meant... with you and Lila.” Roger blushed lightly. “I’m glad we’re getting along.”

“Me too, Rog. Tonight was amazing.” Brian smiled softly as him.

Roger felt himself get lost in the hazel eyes before him, biting his lip he finished his tea and put the cup in the sink.

“I should get to bed. I have work in the morning.” Roger cleared his throat.

“Y-Yeah. Right. Uh, goodnight, Rog.” Brian said, putting his mug in the sink as well.

“G-Goodnight, Bri.” Roger smiled, quickly wrapping his arms around the taller man in a tight hug before scampering upstairs to bed.

Brian felt his heads swell as he pulled out his phone and called the only person he could think of.

“Freddie? You were right.” He smiled softly to himself.

“I’m in love with Roger.”


	7. Across the Universe

_ **Three Weeks Later** _

Loud crying and Roger screaming was definitely not the way Brian expected to be woken up on that Saturday morning.

Rubbing his eyes and stumbling into the kitchen, he found Roger on the floor with egg yolk dripping down his face and Lila screaming with laughter, not crying.

Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing to wake up to.

"What happened?" Brian asked tiredly, an amused tone to his voice.

Roger giggled to himself, standing up from the ground. "I-I set an egg on the counter and it rolled down to where she could reach it from her highchair-" he paused to laugh more. "I was making her oatmeal and had my back turned, and she threw the egg at my head!" He wheezed with laughter.

Lila squealed, slapping the miniature table in front of her.

"I shouldn't be laughing." Roger chuckled, wiping the tears from his eyes of which formed due to his hard laughter. "But how can I be mad when she's so fucking cute?" He grinned to himself.

"I'm impressed she can throw that far." Brian shook his head with a smile, grabbing a few paper towels and helping wipe his hair down.

"I can finish breakfast while you shower." Brian offered. Every since staying at the house, they'd only had cereal and oatmeal for breakfast. It was a nice change of pace to actually cook something.

"No! I was trying to surprise you! I mean, I feel bad leaving her with you so much last week. The shop renovations are just crazy and-"

"Rog, I don't mind." Brian interrupted his ramblings.

"Nope, I'm finishing this breakfast and you're going to...well, I hope you like it." Roger chuckled, turning back to what he was doing.

Brian smiled to himself. "I'm sure I'll love it."

"Love is a bold word for eggs, mate." Roger said over his shoulder, though his voice was filled with amusement.

"Well, maybe I just really love eggs." Brian shrugged, grabbing the oatmeal off the counter and turning to Lila to start feeding her.

"Dada!" Lila yelled, pushing the spoon away. "Ahhhhh!"

"I don't think she likes oatmeal." Brian frowned.

"No, you gotta give it to her like this," Roger took the spoon and raised it high above his head before making...engine sounds? "Vroooooom! Vrooooooooom! The cars coming! Open your garage!" He exclaimed, bringing the spoon down to Lila's now-open mouth.

The toddler swallowed her oatmeal and squealed, smiling widely to show off her two teeth.

"Car noises?" Brian cocked an eyebrow. "Garage?"

"Well, it worked, didn't it?" Roger said, a smug smile on his face.

"I can definitely tell you're related." Brian shrugged, chuckling as he turned around to copy Roger's previous actions. He could hear Roger giggling to himself as he imitated a car and couldn't help the smile that came to his face. The whole situation was so domestic. It almost felt like they were really together.

"Hey, um, I hope you don't mind, but Sam and I are going out for a couple drinks tonight."

Brian's little fantasy crumbled before him. He could practically hear the record scratch, cat cry, and shattering glass as he met Roger's eyes.

"Bri? Did you hear me?" The blond frowned. "You don't have plans, do you?"

"Oh, no. It's fine. Go have fun. Lila and I will just...uh, watch a movie." Brian said, turning back to Lila to hide his frown. He loved spending time with the toddler alone, don't get him wrong, but what he didn't love was Roger going out with Sam.

Not that there was anything wrong with Sam. The guy's a saint! Always calling when he says he will, coming directly on time, and...making Roger happy.

Brian had no reason to hate him! He was practically perfect in every way!

But Brian _loathed_ him. His perfect hair and his perfect teeth and his perfect car. What did Brian have? A homemade guitar, weird shoes, and too much hair?

"Bri?"

Brian blinked and looked up to see Roger standing behind Lila, staring down at him with a concerned frown.

"Yeah?" Brian cleared his throat.

"You sure you're okay?.." Roger cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Yeah, why?" Brian frowned.

"Well, you were just staring at Lila for three minutes straight." Roger crossed his arms. "Bri. If there's something wrong, you should tell me."

"No, it's nothing. I'm just a little tired still." Brian faked a yawn.

"I made coffee. I forgot the filter though, so you just have to try and get passed the grounds." Roger shrugged, going back to the burnt eggs on the stove.

"You did what?" Brian blinked.

"What? I have the coffee machine that uses the little cups." Roger shrugged.

"How many times have you forgotten the filter?..." Brian stared at Roger, laughter bubbling back up in his chest.

"Uh, three?..." Roger said, a blush rising to his cheeks.

"Oh my god." Brian laughed, standing up and pouring the coffee out.

"Hey!" Roger crossed his arms. "We could've strained it if it bothers you so much!"

Brian chuckled and cleaned it out, putting the filter in and a couple scoops of coffee before brewing it again.

"Rog, the eggs are black." Brian said, raising his eyebrows.

"Wha- Fuck!" Roger grumbled, turning to give Brian the saddest look he'd ever seen. "I don't know how to cook." He admitted.

"I can see that." Brian chuckled, grabbing the pan and dumping it into the garbage disposal. "Here, I'll show you." He stepped behind him, chucking a bit. "You got shells in your first attempt."

"Those might've fallen from my hair." Roger laughed, turning his head to look over his shoulder and up at Brian.

"That's even more gross." Brian chuckled again before grabbing an egg. "Watch." He said softly, hitting the egg against the bowl gently, yet firm enough to crack it. "Then, puncture it with your thumb and then," He opened the egg and dumped the slimy contents in the bowl. "Voila! No shells! You try."

Roger took the egg and followed Brian's instructions before cracking it perfectly, no shells falling in the bowl. "No shells!" Roger grinned widely, turning around and smiling up at him. "Can you tell I've never made eggs before?" His nose scrunched up as he laughed.

"Good job, Rog." Brian smiled down at him. "You're a natural."

"Damn straight." Roger winked before turning back to the bowl and cracking two more eggs.

"Alright, instead of a spoon, you should use the whisk." Brian explained, grabbing the utensil and handing it to him.

"Pft, I knew that." Roger rolled his eyes, taking the whisk and stirring it.

"No, no. Whisk it." Brian shook his head.

"The fuck do you think I'm doing? Cutting it?" Roger frowned, looking back at him.

Brian chuckled, putting a hand over Rogers, helping him whisk the egg. "Like this. You were just stirring, but this makes the eggs fluffier. Better." He explained in his calm voice.

Roger felt his cheek heat up at Brian's hand over top of his own, feeling the taller man's chest brushing against his back. It felt incredibly intimate, not that Roger would admit that.

"O-Oh..." Roger looked back at Brian, who smiled down at him and took his hand away from Roger's.

"Wanna try?" He asked, taking a step back.

Roger nodded, holding the whisk tightly and whisking the eggs. He looked back at Brian for approval and smiled when the taller man gave him a thumbs up.

"Here, let's add some salt." Brian said, putting a small amount of salt in while Roger whisked the mixture.

"Omelette?" Roger asked, leaning his head back to look at Brian upside down.

Brian chuckled at the sight and nodded. "Sure, it'll be a big one though."

"We can split it then." Roger shrugged. "Pan now?"

"Grease the pan first, or it'll get stuck like the first one." Brian said.

"You should have your own cooking show." Roger smirked, dropping a pad of butter on the pan.

"It's eggs, Rog." Brian huffed a laugh, picking up the pan and moving the butter around. "Okay, go ahead and pour it."

Roger carefully poured it onto the pan. He set the bowl into the sink and looked to Brian for further instructions.

Brian felt the familiar flutter in his stomach as Roger tilted his head at him. "Okay, now we add the innards." He said jokingly, laughing when Roger's face twisted in disgust.

"Couldn't have picked a better word?" Roger chuckled, grabbing the cheese and adding enough to kill a lactose intolerant person.

"Want some egg with your cheese?" He laughed.

"Ha ha ha," Roger rolled his eyes, a smile stretching across his face. "You're so funny."

"Oh, I know." Brian smirked, moving to the counter to chop a few vegetables and drop them in the pan.

"What next?" Roger asked, holding the spatula like some sort of foreign object. Brian wondered how this man lived on his own for the past few years.

"We fold it and then it's done. Need help?" Brian asked, stepping closer.

"Please?" Roger shot him a toothy grin.

Who gave him the right to be so adorable?

"Well, since you asked so nicely." Brian joked, stepping up behind him again, holding his hand over the spatula. "Just slip it under and flip." He muttered quietly, guiding him to flip it before transferring it over to the plate.

"It... It looks good!" Roger said excitedly. "We didn't burn it!"

"You did good." Brian grinned down at him.

Roger beamed up at him, wrapping his arms around the taller man tightly.

Brian was taken aback at first by the sudden display of affection, but quickly hugged the smaller man back.

"You smell like oatmeal." Roger chuckled.

"You smell like raw egg." Brian shot back playfully, causing the smaller man to let out a small laugh.

Roger pulled away from the hug and poured two mugs of coffee, dumping way too much sugar and creamer in his own. No wonder he was so hyper all the time.

He watched the blond for a moment longer before cutting the omelette in half and putting one side on a separate plate.

Looking back at Roger, he saw him put two sugars and a splash of milk in his mug before stirring it. He gave him a warm smile when he handed him the mug.

"What? It's just coffee." Roger tilted his head.

"You... You made it the way I always do." Brian said, smiling at him.

"Did you say you liked it like that?" Roger blushed.

"Not anytime recently." Brian smirked. "You remembered."

"I have a good memory." Roger rolled his eyes, sitting at the table.

"Says the man who forgot to put the filter in the coffee machine." Brian chuckled.

Roger's blush darkened as he shoved egg into his mouth, immediately letting out a deep moan. "_Oh my god._"

Brian stared at him, his own face turning red. "Uh... Are you alright?.." he asked, reaching to cover Lila's ears. The toddler grumpily pushed his hands away, a deep pout gracing her face at his deafening action.

"It's so good." Roger sighed, closing eyes and taking another bite before grabbing a forkful off Brian's plate and putting the egg against Brian's lips.

Brian was sure his face was best red at this point. He opened his mouth and accepted the spongey food.

"Good, right?" Roger asked excitedly.

Brian couldn't help but grin back at him. "Absolutely."

After cleaning up breakfast and giving Lila a quick baby-wipe-bath, they took turns showering and getting ready for the day.

After getting all settled, Roger put Lila down for her afternoon nap and sat on the couch.

He looked around the house with a small frown, his eyes sweeping over each picture that hung on the wall.

"I feel like we're living in a bloodymausoleum..." He said quietly.

Brian looked over at him, mirroring his frown. "Yeah, me too..."

"It... It feels like we're waiting for them to come home. And- And they're not. They aren't coming home." Roger grabbed the picture off the side table, staring at the faces of his sister and her husband.

"Maybe we should...redecorate. Make it more of our own space, you know?" Brian suggested.

Roger gave him a sad smile and nodded. "Yeah. I agree."

They fell into a comfortable silence, occasionally stealing glances when they thought the other wasn't looking.

"So... When are you leaving tonight?" Brian asked, clearing his throat.

"Eight." Roger answers, fidgeting with his thumbs.

"You, uh... You really like him?" Brian asked, looking over at the blond who avoided his eye.

"Can I be honest?"

Brian felt his heart rate quicken. He couldn't help but hope he would say something along the lines of, _'I hate him and I love you, let's get together and raise ten more kids_', fat chance.

"Of course." Brian said, his eyes never leaving the blond.

Roger sighed and lifted his gaze to meet Brian. "I don't really know. I... I feel nothing. You know that feeling when you like someone and your stomach gets all weird and shitty and..." He sighed. "There's nothing there. I want there to be, but... I don't know."

Brian looked at him, his eyes empathetic as he patted his shoulder. "Maybe... Maybe he's just not the right person for you. I think... I think when you know, you know. Be with the person that gives you that weird shitty stomach feeling." Roger cracked a smile at his words and nodded.

"You're right."

"Aren't I always?" Brian smirked.

"Oh, hush." Roger chuckled. "Want to watch a movie?"

Brian grinned over at him.

"I'd love to."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

He didn’t really want to leave. The moment the doorbell rang, sending Lila into a fit of tears for reasons Roger and Brian still didn’t understand, he looked at the taller man trying to calm the sobbing toddler. His stomach twisted at the sweet words he heard him whispering.

“Say bye to uncle Roggie!” Brian held her small hand and made her do a small wave.

“I’ll be back soon, flower.” Roger said softly, kissing her chubby cheek.

“Papa!” She sobbed, reaching her arms out for him. When he didn’t immediately take her, her sobs grew louder and more frantic. “Papa! Papa!!”

“It’s okay, Rog. I’ll calm her down.” Brian gave him a reassuring smile.

Roger looked at the sobbing toddler sadly, almost tearing up himself. “A-Alright... I’ll see you in the morning, I guess.” He said, gripping the doorknob.

Brian nodded and gave him a small wave as he walked outside. When he was gone, Brian made his way up the stairs to her nursery.

Roger bit his lip, the echoing of her cries still reaching his ears as he walked outside.

Sam smiled down at him, ducking his head to the blonds height and catching his lips in a sweet and gentle kiss.

Roger smiled back at him. “Hey...”

“Hey.” Sam grinned, wrapping an arm around him and leading him to his car. Sam opened the passenger door and let Roger in before shutting it for him.

Running around the car and hopping in the drivers seat, he started the engine.

“How was your day?”

Roger smiled softly, his mind drifting to the domestic events of the day, from cooking with Brian to watching a movie and falling asleep on Brian’s shoulder.

“It was perfect. A nice relaxing day.” Roger replied. “How was yours?”

Bad idea to ask that question.

Sam droned on and on about patients he had at the hospital, complaining about overbearing parents. That annoyed Roger, parents were obviously going to be upset if their kids in the hospital. Roger would damn near lose his mind if anything happened to Lila!

But Lila wasn’t his...

Roger bit his lip, droning out Sams medical talk as his mind drifted to Lila.

‘_Papa! Papa!’_

How could he leave? How could he walk out when she was calling for him? How could he?

“Turn around.” Roger said.

“I’m sorry?” Sam frowned.

“Turn around. Please. My baby’s upset. I’m sorry, I can’t leave her like that.” Roger said, swallowing the lump forming in his throat.

“Oh, alright...” Sam sighed, turning the car around and driving back to the house.

As soon as the car stopped, Roger hopped out of the car. “I’m sorry, Sam. Goodnight.”

Sam smiled with a shrug. “It’s alright. I understand. Have a great night, Roger.” He smiled, getting out of the car and going over to where he stood before pressing a kiss to his lips.

God, why’d it feel so _wrong_?

Roger gave him a tight lipped smile before going to the door. He watched as Sam drove away before walking into the house.

He wasn’t met with the crying he expected, no, not at all.

Instead he heard the soft chords of a twelve string guitar echoing softly through the house, accompanied by the soft voice of Brian May.

Roger crept up the stairs silently, peaking his head into the nursery to find Brian in the rocking chair playing the guitar with a nearly sleeping Lila.

_“Images of broken light_

_Which dance before me like a million eyes_

_They call me on and on across the universe_

_Thoughts meander like a_

_Restless wind inside a letter box_

_They tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe_

_Jai Guru Deva, Om_

_Nothing's gonna change my world_

_Nothing's gonna change my world_

_Nothing's gonna change my world_

_Nothing's gonna change my world_

_Sounds of laughter, shades of life_

_Are ringing through my opened ears_

_Inciting and inviting me_

_Limitless undying love_

_Which shines around me like a million suns_

_It calls me on and on across the universe_

_Jai Guru Deva, Om_

_Nothing's gonna change my world_

_Nothing's gonna change my world_

_Nothing's gonna change my world_

_Nothing's gonna change my world_

_Jai Guru Deva_

_Jai Guru Deva_

_Jai Guru Deva_

_Jai Guru Deva_

_Jai Guru Deva”_

Brian soft voice carried through the room in the most calming way Roger had ever heard. Lila’s heavy eyes shut one last time as she drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

Brian looked back and gave Roger a confused smile, standing up to meet him in the hall.

“That was beautiful...” Roger said softly, am impressed smile on his face.

“Thank you.” Brian smiles bashfully. “What happened to your date?” He asked, a concerned expression on his face.

“Oh, nothing.” Roger waved it off. “Work emergency.”

Brian nodded, frowning softly. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not.” Roger smiled. “How else would I witness that _stellar_ performance?” He winked up at the blushing guitarist.

“I wouldn’t say _stellar_.” He said, modesty filling his voice.

“Well, I would snd I did.” Roger said, bumping their shoulder together and giving him a sweet smile. “How about some tea and you play me something else on your guitar?”

“Sounds lovely.” Brian grinned.

Roger must admit, anything with Brian was bound to be lovely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone not like Sam? 
> 
> Just wanted to collect some opinions on our little doctor ;)
> 
> Anyway, 
> 
> Peace ✌🏻 


	8. Feel Something

** _One Week Later_ **

Roger watched out the window as they drove down the familiar streets. Sam insisted on a 'make up date' since their last was disrupted by Roger's overwhelming urge to just go home.

He sat stiffly in the front seat, not daring to look over at the man beside him. No, he wasn't angry. Sam was fully content, but Roger was just embarrassed as all hell.

_After they had dinner, they went back to Sams flat, a gorgeous flat. You could clearly tell this man made a nice salary just by a glance. In a desperate attempt to feel something, anything, Roger kissed him, hard._

_He unbuttoned his shirt quickly, throwing it off to the side and pushed him back towards the bedroom._

_"Roger?" Sam said against his lips. "Are you sure?" He pulled away and looked at him with a curious expression._

_Roger stared back, his mouth agape. He looked down to his lap and nothing. Not even slightly. Sam on the other hand was clearly interested by the bulge appearing in his pants._

_"I-I'm sorry, I-"_

_"It's okay. You're just not ready, it's alright. I'll wait." Sam smiled and kissed him softly._

_Roger swallowed and nodded. This wasn't even the first time this had happened, but Sam stayed patient each time._

_"Can you take me home?"_

Roger was torn out of his thoughts when Sam pulled out in front of his house. He blinked and undid his seatbelt, watching as Sam hopped out to open his door.

Giving him a small smile, he got out of the car and Sam shut the door.

"I had a great night." Sam said, reaching up to cup his cheek. "Thank you."

"I-I did too." He didn't. "I'm sorry about-"

Sam cut off his words with a kiss, Roger couldn't help but be slightly annoyed. He never liked being interrupted.

"Don't apologize. We'll get there someday. There's no rush." Sam smiled.

"Thanks." Roger said, dipping his head in embarrassment. The guy was super attractive, willing, and nice, but Roger couldn't even pop a boner for a minute? He sighed, Sam probably thought he had issues at this point.

Sams demeanor suddenly changed to shy and nervous as he took Rogers hands in his own.

"Roger, we've known each other for about a year now and we've been together for a month," Roger stared up at him with wide eyes. What the hell was he doing? "And it may be too soon but..." he felt nausea swimming and twisting in his stomach.

"Roger, I love you."

And that's all it took to get the contents of his stomach to spill directly on Sam's shoes.

"Oh my god, are you okay?" Sam asked, putting a hand to his face.

"Y-Yeah. I'm sorry, Sam. I'll pay for new shoes for you. I-I guess I have a stomach bug." Roger explained shakily, his whole face was pale.

Sam _loved_ him?

_Sam loved him..._

"Don't worry about my shoes, sweetheart. I can come in and make you some tea?" Sam offered. The guy didn't even seemed grossed out. He's a doctor, yeah, but your date throwing up on you is a decent reason to freakout a bit.

Roger shook his head. "I'll just head to bed. I'm sorry again. Goodnight, Sam." He said before running inside. God it was late. He'd planned on just staying over there. He'd also planned on having sex, but things don't always work out the way he wanted.

He needed to talk to someone. Who would be up for a conversation in the middle of the night that includes drama and sex? Freddie.

He took out his phone and dialed his number as fast as humanly possible.

"Roger, it's three in the morning." Freddie yawned, answering the phone with a huff.

"I have an issue." He whined. "A big, big issue."

"Did you and Brian shag?" Freddie's voice perked up.

"What? No." He sighed.

"Then why are you calling at three in the morning?!"

"I think I have to break up with Sam." Roger said softly.

"Oh? That's still going on?"

"Yes! I've talked to you about this!" Roger said in a hushed yell.

"Well, sorry, Rog. You usually dump people after a week. The sex must've been good, huh?"

Roger sighed, rubbing his eyes. "No, actually. I-I couldn't, for some reason. We've tried but I just can't."

Freddie gasped, his full attention on the conversation now. "Do you have the soft dick syndrome?"

"It's called erectile dysfunction, and no!" Rogers cheeks burned. "Trust me, I do not."

"Ew. Then why can't you have sex with him?" Freddie's voice was more empathetic now.

"I don't know. He kisses me and it's nothing. Touches me and I feel nothing. He knows something's up, but he's too nice to say anything." Roger sighed.

"You really feel nothing?" Roger could hear the frown in his voice.

"Fred, he told me he loved me tonight..." Roger squeaked out. "After a month of dating!"

"What did you say?" Freddie muttered something away from the phone.

"Are you talking to Jim?" Roger sighed.

"Yes... Now what did you say?!"

Roger sighed. "He dropped me off at home tonight, and he kissed me. Then he said he loved me and I threw up on his shoes and ran away..."

"Was he mad?" He heard Jim ask.

"No! He offered to come in and make me tea!" Roger groaned in frustration.

"Damn, he is perfect..." Freddie sighed.

"Freddie... I don't love him." Roger said softly. "I'm trying, but I don't even like him. The more I get to know him, the less I feel for him."

"Hmm, perhaps your heart's set on someone else?" He suggested.

"Well..." Roger felt his stomach doing little somersaults.

"Oh my god, you like someone else?"

"No! I mean, I don't know!"

"Who is it?" Freddie already knew, but he needed to hear him say it.

"Rog? You okay?" Freddie heard Brian in the background.

"Huh? Yeah! Business call, Freddie's always calling at weird times to discuss this stuff." Roger chuckled nervously.

"Bitch, you called me!"

"Listen, Fred, you should get some sleep. Don't worry so much, it's fine!" Roger said quickly into the phone.

"I hate you."

"Love you too, bye!" Roger hung up quickly, looking up at Brian. "H-Hey..."

"I thought you were staying at Sam's tonight?" Brian asked, a confused look on his face.

"I decided not to..." Roger cleared his throat. "Why're you up so late?"

"I'm staying up for the meteor shower. It's supposed to happen in ten minutes." Brian explained, checking his watch. "I-I thought you'd be at Sam's, but since you aren't... would you like to join me?"

Roger bit his lip. "Why not." He shrugged. "Wine?"

Brian smiled and gave him a nod. "I'll grab a couple blankets and you grab the wine." He said, patting him on the back before turning to run and grab the blankets.

Roger watched him with a soft smile, his heart pounding harder in his chest. He pulled out his phone and typed out a quick message.

CarLover👱🏻‍♀️🚗👅 :

I think I might like someone else...

Fuck Fred

I think I like Brian

CatLover👧🏻🐈👅:

*love

Jim says dump the doctor and get the space nerd

I didn't say that -Jim

He did

CarLover👱🏻‍♀️🚗👅:

I'm dumping Sam either way

it's not fair to keep leading him on like this

Brian doesn't feel the same though

He's just tolerating me for Lila's sake

CatLover👧🏻🐈👅:

Jim said you're a dumbass and I agree

Carlover👱🏻‍♀️🚗👅:

He didn't actually say that

CatLover👧🏻🐈👅:

No I did, sorry -Jim

CarLover👱🏻‍♀️🚗👅:

Whatever

We're going outside to watch a meteor shower and drink wine

I feel like I might puke

Again...

CatLover👧🏻🐈👅:

What a cute first date

At 3:30am 😐

CarLover👱🏻‍♀️🚗👅:

Not a date.

CatLover👧🏻🐈👅:

Let's see;

•Stars=romantic

•Wine=romantic

•Staring up at stars while drinking wine= A DATE

CarLover👱🏻‍♀️🚗👅:

No.

He rolled his eyes and shut off his phone before tossing it over on the counter.

Sure, he couldn't actually get with Brian. That'd complicate things too much and Brian probably didn't feel the same. You don't go from hating someone to loving them over night.

Shit. Love?!

Roger took the two glasses and the whole bottle he'd gotten for him and Sam the other day. He'd be needing this wine tonight.

Shaking his head, he went out to the back yard to see Brian setting up blankets and pillows on the grass.

Maybe this was a bad idea. But Roger couldn't bring himself to care. He was just going to watch the weird space rocks and get drunk while trying not to jump Brian.

Brian looked up with a grin. "It's about to start."

Roger moved to sit down, opening the glass bottle and pouring the wine. He gave himself enough to reach almost the rim.

"Rough day?" Brian asked, looking at the unbalanced portions.

"No, I just like wine." Roger shrugged, gulping it back quickly.

Brian figured there was no getting around him getting a bit drunk. He'd likely tell Brian everything that was wrong after a glass or two. He had been victim of Rogers tipsy over sharing before.

He slowly sipped on the dark liquid, his eyes moving up to the sky. He'd been waiting for this for four months! Brian could hardly contain his excitement as he caught the first glimpse of a meteor.

"Bloody hell, are they going to fall on earth?"

Brian chuckled, looking over to see Rogers nervous expression. "No, they're far away. Just passing by."

"It's pretty..." Roger said softly, his eyes locked on the sky.

Brian smiled over at him. "It is, isn't it?"

Roger hummed in response, bringing his knees to his chest and watching the sky, a small frown appearing on his face after a while as his thoughts got the better of him.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Brian put a hand on his knee, causing the blond to look at him.

"I don't know." He sighed. "Sam told me he loved me tonight."

Brian's face fell. They'd been together for a month! Who tells someone they love them after one month?!

"Oh..."

"He's perfect, Bri. Absolutely perfect." Roger sighed, taking another drink of the wine. "He's nice, he's caring, and he's a fucking doctor! We don't fight, even when I've deliberately tried to start a fight, nothing. He agrees with everything I say. I haven't even slept with him and he's fine with it!" He sighed in frustration. "I just... I want to feel something. But with him, I don't. I don't feel anything."

"You're indifferent." Brian said quietly. "You don't love him, you don't hate him...you're just indifferent."

Roger swallowed and met his eyes. "Yeah... I think you're right."

Brian put an arm around him in attempt to comfort him. "So... What're you doing to do?"

"I have to break up with him, I guess. I can't just lead him on. It's not fair to him." Roger sighed.

"It's not fair to you either."

"What?" Roger frowned.

"Staying with a person you feel absolutely nothing for? That's torturous. You should be with someone that makes you feel happy. Excited. Nervous. Someone who will fight you on things, not just give in to keep you happy. That's not healthy. Couples fight. They argue. But then they make up. Compromise, they resolve. At least...that's what I'd want." Brian shrugged, clearing his throat. "He's perfect in theory, but I don't think he's perfect for you."

Roger looked down at his lap. In the past hour they'd been sitting out there, he'd felt more than he did in the entire month that him and Sam were together. Brian's words made sense. He needed someone who'd fight back. He needed someone who made him feel the entire spectrum of human emotions.

He needed Brian.

Roger bit his lip. It must've been the fact that he drank 3/4 of the bottle, but his insides were on fire. He glanced up at Brian to see his gaze was back on the sky.

"I'm sorry if I overstepped any boundaries, but that's just my opinion." Brian said, not tearing his gaze away from the sky.

Roger wiggled out from underneath his arm and moved in front of him.

“Roger?” Brian frowned at him, a concerned look in his eyes.

“Shhhh, I like your advice.” Roger said, smiling softly at him.

Brian felt his heart rate pick up at Roger moved even closer. He could smell the wine on his breath. He looked over to see the rest of the bottle was empty. Damn.

“I want to feel something.” He said softly, resting a hand on Brian’s thigh.

“Rog...” Brian swallowed, scooting back.

Roger stared into his eyes before leaning in, attempting to capture the other man’s lips in his own.

Brian pushed him back gently before their lips touched, a flustered blush on his cheeks. “Roger. You’re drunk and you’re in a relationship. You’ve had a bad night. You can’t just...use me. You can’t do that.”

“Bri... I’m not using you...” Roger frowned at him.

Brian stood up, his hands on his hips. “You tried to kiss me, Rog. I know for a fact you don’t have feelings for me, so why the hell would you do that?” He didn’t know why he felt angry. Roger was just drunk, he probably wouldn’t even remember this.

“Brian-”

“Just go. Go to bed.” Brian said, swallows back the lump in his throat. Roger didn’t have feelings for him. He hated him and now here he was- trying to kiss him? And by what he said, he wanted more...

“Im sorry...” Roger said quietly before getting up and going inside.

Brian watched him, biting at his nails. Roger would’ve regretted it in the morning had he let him do...whatever he was about to do. He closed his eyes, rubbing a hand over his face.

“You make me feel things, Brian.”

Brian’s eyes shot open, he turned to see Roger with teary eyes staring back.

“I-I know I’m a little drunk right now, but it was just wine, so I know what I’m saying.” Roger defended himself, hugging his arms around his stomach. “I drank some coffee too... Sobered up a little...”

“Wh-What are you saying?...” Brian blinked at him.

“...I don’t know.” Roger chuckled slightly. “I’m sorry.” He shook his head as he lost his nerve. “Can we forget this?”

“No.” Brian said, looking up at him.

Roger stared at him for a moment. “What?”

“I want to know what you’re saying, Rog.” Brian stood up, approaching him slowly. “What do I make you feel?”

Roger chewed on his bottom lip. “Everything. You make me really mad. I get so pissed off at you and you get mad at me too. And we fight and we yell and-”

“We make up.” Brian said, looking down at him.

“W-We do.” Roger nodded, locking his eyes onto Brian’s. “You make me feel warm and happy. And when you take care of Lila the way you do, it makes my stomach feel like...uh...twisty and weird. And when you sing and play guitar, you make my heart beat faster and it’s like a drum, it beats so hard and...” He sighed. “I’ve tried to ignore it, but it keeps getting stronger. And I know you don’t feel that. But I do. And the reason I don’t love Sam is because... It’s because I think I love _you_.”

Brian gaped at him. Roger loved him? No, no. Roger hated him. That’s what he’s always said. _Hate_, not love.

“I...I think you’re confused.” Brian said, tearing his eyes away.

Roger’s face fell at his words. “Brian, I’m not-”

“I think we should go to bed. I’m sorry, it’s...it’s late.” Brian said, walking past him and going inside, leaving the blond by himself.

Roger bit his lip and walked inside, leaving everything outside as he ran up the stairs and threw himself on the bed.

He said he wanted to feel something, but heartbreak wasn’t part of that plan.

Then again, nothing had been part of his plan.


	9. Follow The Sun

He couldn't sleep. No amount of counting sheep, spraying lavender air freshener, or even taking two melatonin tablets could knock him out.

Roger didn't mean it. He wanted someone perfect. Someone like Sam. He was just drunk and confused.

Brian was just some skinny guy who had a weird obsession with space and animals. Why would Roger love him?

Why did Roger try to kiss him? He likely was just upset about Sam. Desperate to feel something with someone. Desperate enough to convince himself that he felt something for Brian, especially since he was intoxicated.

But he couldn't get the heartbroken look on Rogers face out of his mind. He rejected him not once, but twice!

He was drunk, of course he had to reject him! Brian didn't want to take advantage of him!

But he said he'd sobered up...

Brian gripped his hair in frustration, slamming his face down in the pillow.

If not guitar solos and mapping out constellations in the smoggiest weather, overthinking was definitely his greatest talent.

Being a complete dumbass would be close second.

With a sigh, he rolled over to stare at the ceiling. Sleeping on the pullout couch was beginning to get to him. His feet hung off the bed and the springs dug into his back. It'd be nice to sleep in the guest bed with Rog-

No. He couldn't think like that! He just had to ignore his stupid feelings.

He forced himself into a restless sleep, his consciousness fading to black.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Roger hasn't slept in past five in a month. Each morning, he wakes up to the sound of a screaming baby in the next room.

That morning was no different besides a terrible headache plaguing him from chugging 3/4 of the bottle of wine on an empty stomach.

Roger stood up, memories from the night before had tears stinging in his eyes. Perhaps it was karma for rejecting Sam, not that Roger believed in that shit anyway.

Guilt for almost cheating on Sam twisted in his stomach and made him feel even worse.

Making his way into the nursery, he sees Lila holding herself up on the railing, screaming her little head off.

Sighing, he picked her up and quickly changed her diaper like every morning.

"I'd cry like that too if I pissed myself every morning." Roger said, watching as the toddler immediately stopped crying at his voice. He sniffled a bit, a couple tears rolling down his own cheeks.

"Papa..." Lila wiggled around, sitting up to stare at him.

He quickly wiped the tears away and shook his head. Why was he so upset anyway? Brian was a pretentious asshole, always being...smart and shit.

Roger sighed. He knew he _wasn't_ a pretentious asshole, but thinking of calling him one made him feel slightly better.

"I'm okay, flower. Let's get you some breakfast, yeah?" Roger lifted her up, grabbing the pacifier from her hand and throwing it in the crib.

He tip toed down the steps and slipped into the kitchen, putting Lila in her chair before starting the kettle.

"This oatmeal has dinosaurs and shit, you like that?" Roger lifted the box to show her.

She immediately grabbed the box, dumping the packets in the process before shoving the box on her head.

"I'll take that as a yes." Roger shook his head, a tiny smile on his lip.

"Yes!" Lila yelled from in the box.

Roger turned around and beamed at her. "Yes! Good job, Lila!" He cheered, taking the box off her head and offering his hand for a high five.

The little girl happily obliged, slapping his hand multiple times and giggling when Roger caught her hand and kissed it.

Roger grinned at her before turning to get the kettle off the burner and preparing the oatmeal.

Lila whined, reaching out for the still-hot oatmeal. Roger frowned as she slowly edged into fussiness.

Blowing on the light brown oats, he lifted the spoon to her mouth. Lila shut her mouth firmly, screaming with closed lips.

Great.

Roger set the bowl on the counter, standing up to grab two painkillers and swallowed them with a large gulp of water. His headache was getting worse with the screaming.

"The Beatles calms you down?" Roger sighed, lifting her out of the seat. "Alright, lemme think." He sighed, bouncing the screaming child.

_"One day, you'll look_

_To see I've gone_

_For tomorrow may rain, so_

_I'll follow the sun_

_Someday, you'll know_

_I was the one_

_But tomorrow may rain, so_

_I'll follow the sun..."_

Lila stared up at him, mouth agape and tears trailing down her round cheeks.

_"And now the time has come_

_And so, my love, I must go_

_And though I lose a friend_

_In the end you will know_

_Oh-oh-oh_

_One day, you'll find_

_That I have gone_

_But tomorrow may rain, so_

_I'll follow the sun..."_

Lila laid her head against his chest, watching him sing to her. Roger felt her wrap her hand around his finger and smiled softly.

_"Yeah, tomorrow may rain, so_

_I'll follow the sun_

_And now the time has come_

_And so, my love, I must go_

_And though I lose a friend_

_In the end you will know_

_Oh-oh-oh_

_One day, you'll find_

_That I have gone_

_For tomorrow may rain, so_

_I'll follow the sun..."_

Lila snuggled into his side, a content sigh escaping the small child as he ended the song.

Roger smiled softly down at her, grabbing the bowl and feeding her in his lap. "Better?"

She let out an affirmative squeal before opening her mouth for the next spoonful.

"That was lovely..."

Roger turned around to glance at Brian, humming in response.

Brian sighed, walking into the kitchen fully. "Are you upset about last night?"

"What about last night?" Roger looked at him, a neutral look on his face.

"You don't remember?" Brian frowned.

"Guess I drank too much." Roger lied. He could drink three bottles of wine and still remember everything the next day. "What happened?"

Roger was curious to see if he'd actually be honest. A bit hypocritical of him, he'd admit, but he didn't care. He was allowed to be bitter, he got rejected twice! And he only got an hour of sleep! He pouted to himself.

Brian sighed, running a hand through his hair. "You, uh, said you were going to break up with Sam."

"Oh..." Roger bit his lip, continuing to feed the oblivious baby. "Yeah, I'm going over there today."

Brian rubbed the back of his neck. "You, uh... You tried to kiss me, Rog."

Roger felt his body go stiff, he hadn't expected the truth!

"Oh, sorry. I get affectionate when I'm drunk..." Roger cleared his throat.

"You said you thought you were in lov-"

Roger stood up, putting the empty oatmeal bowl in the sink. "I-I gotta go. I have to go to the shop." He interrupted him. He wasn't about to be rejected for a third time in the past twelve hours.

"You work today?" Brian raised an eyebrow.

"Shipment is coming in. Freddie's new kitten is getting fixed, so he's not leaving the house for a few days." There wasn't a shipment, but thank god for Delilah getting her uterus yanked out...or whatever they do, Roger had no idea, but he was thankful for it and Freddie's overbearing catdad attitude.

"Then you're going to Sam's to break up with him?" Brian was looking at him with his hands on his hips.

Roger rolled his eyes, looking at him. "What does it matter, Brian?"

Brian sagged a bit. Why was he getting so defensive? He didn't understand why Roger would be so angry right now.

"I was just wondering, I guess." Brian said, taking Lila from him. "Sorry for prying..."

"Whatever." He sighed, going towards the stairs to go change. Feeling nothing was better than this.

"Roger, you said you loved me last night." Brian said quickly, watching his back.

Roger froze, his body going stiff. "I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."

"You didn't mean it?" Brian had to fight to keep the disappointment out of his voice.

Roger turned around and frowned at him. "No, I didn't. I was drunk, Bri. Let's just forget about it." He said quietly, turning back to the stairs and quickly making his way to his room.

Brian sighed, looking at Lila. "Maybe it'd be better for you both if I left." Brian mused sadly, sighing and pulling out his phone.

"Hey, I'm gonna have to take a sick day. My...My child is ill." He said softly. "I understand, it won't happen again. Thank you."

Lila wiggled around in his arms and he put her down to crawl over to her toys.

Roger came back downstairs, a simple outfit of just jeans, tee shirt, and a leather jacket. He looked effortlessly beautiful, not that Brian could tell him that.

"Do you work today?" Roger asked, the thought suddenly occurring to him.

"No... I have the day off." Brian lied, leaning against the counter. "I'll see you when you get home."

"I'll text you when I'm on my way. In case you want to go out." Roger shrugged, grabbing his keys and kissing Lila's head quickly before leaving the house.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

He spent a few hours at the shop before Jim came in to cover for Freddie. Roger smiled at the man, going over to greet him.

"Hey, Jim. Thanks for coming in." Roger said, handing the keys over to him.

"Not a problem." He replied with a grin. He reminded Roger of a happy muppet for some reason, perhaps it was the mustache and the fact that he was always smiling and being nice.

"Are you going to break up with Sam?" Jim asked, heading behind the counter.

"Question of the day, huh..." Roger sighed. "I don't know."

"Freddie said you're in love with Brian." Jim frowned.

"Yeah. I told him last night and he said I was confused and walked away, so I don't think how I feel about him matters much." Roger sighed, leaning against the counter.

"It does matter." Jim said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sure things will work themselves out soon, but if you're unhappy with Sam, it's best if you break up."

"Mate, are you a therapist?" Roger blinked at him.

"I'm a hairdresser." Jim chuckled. "So, basically."

Roger laughed a bit. "Alright, well thanks. If you want to close early, go ahead. Thursday's are normally slow anyway."

Jim nodded with a smile. "Good luck."

They waved goodbye and soon Roger was on his way to Sam's house.

His motivation level was at zero, he simply wanted to disappear. No one can reject you if you don't exist.

Roger stood in front of Sam's front door, his hand raised in a fist as he knocked. He was definitely home, his car was in the driveway. Roger felt discouraged when he saw a second car parked next to the doctors car, but shrugged it off.

The second the door opened, Roger lost all of his nerve. Why break up with someone who loves you? Maybe the feelings would grow in time?

"Hi, can I help you?" A small brunette woman stared at him with a confused look.

Roger blinked at her, shaking his head. "Oh, yeah... I was, uh, just looking for Sam. You must be his...sister?"

The woman laughed, shaking her head. Containing her laughter, she smiled up at him.

"No, I'm his wife."


	10. Why

"Oh, bloody hell." Roger brought a hand to his forehead, a humorless laugh escaping his lips. "Ex-wife?"

The woman's face turned to an offended frown. "No, current wife?.. Who are you?"

"Roger Taylor, pleasure to meet you. Can I speak to your husband?" Roger asked politely, deep down he was slowly filling with a silent rage. He was having a pretty shit week.

"Honey, who's that?" He heard Sam's voice from inside before the man appeared in the doorway. Roger almost laughed at how fast his face paled.

"Oh, I think you know who I am, _honey_." Roger stepped forward. "Shall we talk in private?"

"If you have something to say to him, I want to hear it too." The brunette puffed out her chest.

"Buckle up, love, you're about to get whiplash." Roger said before looking at Sam. "Are you going to tell her, or should I?"

"I think you should go, Roger." Sam cleared his throat. "This is just a misunderstand-"

"Oh, fuck off. I'm not stupid, Sam." Roger rolled his eyes. "What's your name?" He looked at the woman.

"Addison." She crossed her arms over her chest.

"Addison, did you know that your husband is cheating on you?" Roger asked, looking at Sam with a glare.

"What?.. Sam?" The woman looked at her husbands guilty face.

"Yeah, a real gay rendezvous he had." Roger huffed a laugh.

"Th-That's not true. Baby, you really believe him? I love you..." Sam put a hand on her shoulder only for her to rip it away.

"Throwing that phrase around an awful lot these days, aren't you?" Roger raised his eyebrows, looking back to Addison. "Told me the same thing last night. A lot of things happened last night."

"What are you even doing here, Roger?! You didn't even say it back!!" Sam yelled, his hands balling into fists.

"I came here to dump you, Sam. I felt really bad about it. Thought I was a right prick. Then I find out that the 'ex-wife' you told me about," he looked to Addison. "Yes, dear, he lied to me too." He interjected his own words before looking back at the fuming man. "I found out that she's your current wife. Now I don't feel so bad anymore."

Addison ran back into the house, tears streaming down her face.

"You ruined my marriage, you fucking-"

Roger put up a hand to silence him. "Now, I'll stop you there. I didn't ruin shit. You cheated on your wife. You lied to both of us. Don't you dare put the blame on me." He scoffed, crossing his arms. "You know, I really tried. I wanted to love you because you seemed so perfect. Now I know you're a raging douchefuck."

"Oh? You tried? It didn't seem like it when you refused to have sex with me!" Sam shot back.

Roger rolled his eyes. "Good decision on my part." He glared up at him. "I pity your wife if you think sex is love. Especially since you kiss like a fucking dog."

Addison came out, mascara stains down her cheeks. "Fuck you, Sam." She choked out, throwing her wedding ring on the ground and looking at Roger with a small nod before going to her car. Both men watched as she sped away.

Sam has tears in his own eyes, looking down to the ground. "Don't leave me, Roger... I don't want to be alone."

"Tragic." Roger deadpanned, turning to walk to his car.

Sam grabbed his arm quickly. "Please! I-I love you! I wasn't lying! I'm sorry."

"What a shame no one loves you then." He took his arm back and got into his car, starting the engine and pulling out of the driveway. "Enjoy your divorce, bitch!" He yelled out the window before speeding away with his middle finger up at him.

Roger drove down the road, running a hand through his hair with a sigh. He felt like shit. Only he could get his feelings rejected twice and find out he'd been cheated on in the same twenty-four hour period.

Shaking his head and pulling out his phone, he dialed a familiar number before his face fell and he threw his phone in the passenger seat.

He was angry when he felt the hot tears rolling down his cheeks. Everything was wrong. Everything felt wrong.

Part of him wanted the Sam thing to work out before. He had hope. He decided on his way to the man's house that he'd talk it out with him. Try to fix things.

Instead he got...well, that.

He pulled into his parking spot, going into the shop to relieve Jim. The older man stayed for a bit to talk to him. While Roger was grateful, he genuinely just wanted to be alone.

When Jim left, Roger looked the doors and flipped the sign to 'closed'.

Then he went behind the register and cried.

Not for Sam. Fuck Sam. Nor for Brian, though he didn't blame him. If Sam couldn't get Roger to love him, Roger can't get Brian to either. The only difference is Roger doesn't have a secret wife.

He cried because the second he got in the car, he went to call Clare. To laugh the situation off, because that what she did. She made him laugh when everything was wrong. They'd call each other after crappy dates or bad days at work. They always knew how to fix each other.

But now she's gone. She's gone and never coming back. It felt as if half of him was gone. Nothing but incompleteness left over. He called her phone, the voicemail coming through after a few rings. The sound of her voice hit his ears and he sobbed. Clutching the phone to his chest, he leaned his head back against the wall.

He just wanted her to come home. He wanted her back. Even just for a moment.

He wasn't confused. He wasn't desperate. He wasn't crazy.

But, god, was he hurt.

By the time he'd calmed himself down, the sun was gone from view and the streets were dark. He stared out the window for a while. The lights from surrounding shops were shutting off and Roger was sitting on the floor in a pitch black room.

The two people he wanted more than anything, he couldn't have. His sister was gone. Brian didn't want him. The universe must really _fucking_ hate him.

Running a hand over his face, he left the shop and got in his car. He didn't want to see Brian, but he had to go home. His face was splotchy and his eyes puffier than ever. Hopefully Brian would be sleeping.

So much for hoping, because there he was, the second Roger walked through the door. He was on the couch with a cup of tea and a book, calm and quiet.

Roger's sniffle must've been louder than he thought, because Brian's gaze snapped up at him with concern.

"Roger?" He was on his feet in a second. "Are you alright? What happened?"

Fuck.

He broke down again, launching himself in Brian's arms and breaking into a sobbing mess.

"Rog-"

"I miss her..." His voice was rough, cracking harshly as his teary eyes met Brian's. "I-I tried to call her today. I-I forgot she was gone for just...just a moment and I called her. I heard her voicemail and...I-I hadn't heard her voice since the day she... I miss her so bad, Bri. I can't breathe, I can't-" His sobs became heavier, his hands gripping Brian's shirt.

Brian felt his heart shatter, he wrapped his arms around him. His hand cradling the back of his head as he cried into his shoulder. Brian felt tears sting in his own eyes.

"_Why_?" Roger croaked. "Sh-She had a baby. She had so much to live for and then...then she died. Why her? Why them?" His eyes fell to the ground and his voice lowered to a heartbroken whisper. "_Why not me_?"

Brian pulled him back into a hug, tears streaming down his face. The thought crossed his own mind. Given the chance, he knew he'd trade places with them in a heartbeat.

"Don't say that..." Brian's voice wavered as he looked down at him with tears in his eyes. "Theres _no reason_ why they're gone. It's awful and it hurts. It's not fair and there isn't a single reason to explain why it happened. But there's one specific reason why _you're still here_."

Roger's eyes met his, a confused look on his tear stained face as Brian took his hand gently and led him upstairs.

"Bri-"

Brian stopped in front of the door, opening it to show Lila sleeping peacefully in her crib. Her hands resting under her cheek as she laid curled up with her favorite stuffed animal, a small hedgehog Brian gifted her when she was born.

"She's the reason, Roger..." Brian whispered softly, gazing down at the sleeping child. "There's a million others, yes, but if not for any of them, it's _her_."

Roger looked down at her, a soft look on his face. His troubles seemed to temporarily disappear as he watched the little girl sleep soundly.

Brian wrapped an arm around his shoulder, looking down at him as Roger rested his head on his shoulder.

He carefully reached up and wiped a stray tear off of Roger's cheek. The younger man looked up at him, his eyes locked into Brian's as he swallowed.

"You are too." Roger whispered softly, his eyes shining in the dull light of the room. "You're my reason too..."

"Rog-"

Roger shook his head, wrapping his arms around him tightly, burying his face in his chest. "Can you stay with me tonight? I don't want to be alone."

Brian bit his lip and nodded. "Of course."

Taking one more look at the sleeping baby, Roger walked out of the room and went into the guest room. He quickly got into pajamas before Brian walked in, shifting his feet uncomfortably.

Roger climbed into the bed, immediately sinking into the pile of pillows and the fluffy duvet, pulling the white blanket up to his chin. "Are you just going to stand there all night?" He raised an eyebrow at him.

"Me?"

Roger actually laughed, his nose scrunching up as the melodic sound came from his mouth. Brian would take every bit of embarrassment to hear that laugh all the time.

"No, the burglar behind you." Roger chuckled.

"R-Right..." Brian blushed, carefully walking over to the bed and crawling in. He laid completely still on his back, arms glued to his sides. His eyes were locked on the ceiling.

The room was silent for a while, the occasional sniffle breaking the quiet.

"I broke up a marriage today." Roger said nonchalantly. "It was an accident."

"I'm sorry?" Brian's head snapped over to look at the blond.

"No, it was actually on purpose." Roger shrugged.

"Can you elaborate a bit, Rog?" Brian raised an eyebrow.

"You know Sam? Turns out he's married. Or was married. I went there to break up with him and his wife answered the door." Roger snorted.

"What the hell?" Brian furrowed his eyebrows.

"That's what I was thinking!" He huffed a laugh. "And then he was so nasty about it. Being a piece of shit and whatnot, but when his wife left, he begged me to stay!"

Brian chuckled, shaking his head. "Does he think you're stupid? Who’d go back to him after that?"

Roger laughed, shrugging. "Never thought I'd be the other 'woman' in my life."

"You're a dirty mistress." Brian joked, grinning when Roger threw his head back laughing.

"To be fair, he said she was his 'ex-wife'. I was deceived into being the dirty mistress." He chuckled.

Brian shook his head, his laughter dying down. "The guy's a jackass."

"Anyone who cheats on their wife is generally a bit of a jackass, Bri." Roger shrugged.

"No. I mean..." Brian sighed. "Anyone who had you should've done better to keep you."

"He had a wife."

"That..." Brian shook his head, looking over at him. "You deserve better, is what I meant. You deserve someone that gives you all of themselves. Not half."

"Bri?" Roger sat up in the bed, turning and looking at him in a way Brian couldn't decipher.

"Hm?" Brian sat up, watching him curiously.

"I lo-" Roger sighed, looking down. "Thank you..."

"For what?" Brian tilted his head.

"Making me feel okay again." Roger said gently, looking over at him. "Everything has been going wrong and you just... you made it feel better."

Brian smiled at him softly, "I know what you mean."

"Brian, I meant it." He said softly. "I meant every word."

"What you just said?" Brian raised an eyebrow.

Roger sighed heavily, looking up at the ceiling. Maybe telling him right not wasn't the best idea. "Brian, we should do something tomorrow night. Let Freddie babysit Lila for the night."

"Do what?" Brian asked, confused.

For a smart man, Brian was quite dense. A fact that drove Roger insane.

"I want to talk to you about a few things. So maybe dinner?" Roger suggested.

"It would be nice to get out for the night." Brian smiled. "Yeah. I'd like that."

"Seven thirty?"

"Seven thirty sounds perfect." Brian grinned.

Roger smiled at him and clicked off the light, laying down and snuggling into the blankets.

Brian smiled as he watched the younger man fall asleep, soon drifting off beside him.

Despite falling asleep on opposite sides of the bed, Brian woke up to find Rogers arm slung over his stomach and his head on his chest.

He looked so peaceful...

Until Lila began crying, causing his head to shoot up and slam into Brian’s chin.

“Ah fuck!” Roger groaned, holding the sore spot on his head. “Why is your chin so fucking hard?”

“Um, it’s a bone?” Brian blinked down at him.

Roger collapsed back down on Brian, closing his eyes again.

“Don’t we have to go get her?”

“Mmm...”

“Rog.”

“Self sooth.” He mumbled against Brian’s chest.

“Sorry?” Brian blinked. “What does that mean?”

Roger lifted his head, an annoyed look on his face. “Aren’t you supposed to be smart? Self sooth. One soothes themselves. Babies cry, sooth themselves.” He huffed before burying his face back into the older man’s chest. It was odd, but it felt nice.

“Where’d you learn this?” Brian cocked an eyebrow.

“Baby books. I’ve been reading them on my breaks and Lila’s naps.” He yawned just as the crying stopped, he reached over to the baby monitor and glanced at it. “Sleeping again.”

“Maybe I should be reading them too...” Brian frowned a bit.

“Don’t have to... if you don’t want to...” Roger yawned again, turning his tired eyes up at Brian. The closeness was soothing and Roger really enjoyed the sound of Brian’sheartbeat drumming in his ear.

“I want to.” Brian smiled, his hand stroking the golden hair that was fanning out ever so slightly on his chest.

Roger gave him a tired smiled and let his eyes shut again. “Keep doing that...”

“What? This?” Brian scratched at his scalp a bit.

“Mmm, yes.” Roger sighed contently, a small smile stretching across his face.

For a moment, Brian forgot they weren’t together. It felt so natural to be like this, laying in each other’s arms and whispering softly in the early morning light.

He found himself wanting this every morning. He wanted to wake up with the fiery blond in his arms each and every day. He wanted the early morning kisses. The late night laughs. He wanted it all. And he wanted it with him.

But if this morning is all he got, he’d treasure it for the rest of his life.


	11. Collide (part one)

"That was nice..." Brian said awkwardly as he watched Roger pick up the fussy toddler.

"Jesus, Bri. We slept in the same bed, we didn't shag." Roger snorted, gently bouncing Lila. "Don't make it weird."

"I mean-"

"You're making it weird." Roger deadpanned, walking out of the room to go downstairs.

"I-" Brian sighed, following him hot on his heels. "I'm not!"

Roger turned around with an unimpressed look before mocking in a nasally tone, "That was nice." He chuckled. "Could you be more awkward?"

Brian huffed and went over to the coffee machine, starting a pot.

"I'm only joking, Bri." Roger said from behind him, fixing up oatmeal for Lila. "Thank you for staying with me. I had a really shit day yesterday and you...you made me feel better. So, thank you."

Brian gave him a small smile before sitting down at the kitchen table. Roger slipped Lila into her high chair, pouring Cheerios on her tray before looking over at Brian. They sat silently until Brian spoke up.

"I forget too, sometimes... That Matt's really gone." Brian said softly. "I'll be laying awake at night and it'll hit me. Last night's the first time in a month I didn't have a nightmare about them."

Roger frowned, watching silently as he listened to the older man speak.

"We talked everyday. We were roommates in college and then until him and Clare moved in here, up until then, we saw each other everyday. We used to call each other after work. He'd complain about clients, I'd bore him with all the studies we do at my job." Brian smiled sadly, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"He was the best friend I ever had. In school, kids would tease me for being so tall and skinny. He'd always be there to tell them to piss off and help me feel better afterwards." Brian sniffled a bit, looking across the table to Roger. "The last summer before university, I got hepatitis from a dirty needle. I was in the hospital for three months and he stayed with me the entire time. He'd bring in movies and junk food that I wasn't supposed to have and just...sat with me. Talked for hours and spent the night most nights. All of our other friends were out going to parties and chasing girls, but he decided to stay with me. I nearly lost my arm at the beginning. I fell into this...this depressive hole. He was there for it all. And since he's gone I...God, I just don't know what to do."

Roger leaned across the table, one hand resting on Brian's and the other wiping away a stray tear.

"I'm so sorry..."

"For what?" Brian asked softly.

"I-I've been selfish. Acting like I was the only one who lost someone they loved." Roger looked at him, squeezing his hand gently.

"Lets move on from that, yeah?" Brian gave him a soft smile. "We're here for each other going forward."

Roger nodded, reaching to the counter and handing him a napkin, waiting as Brian wipes his eyes and nose.

"Thank you." Brian said softly. "And thank you for listening to my rambles."

"We can't keep avoiding talking about them. It hurts more that way." Roger said, resting his chin on his hand.

Brian nodded, silently staring at the table for a few moments.

"I-I know you said not to make things weird, but..." Brian cleared his throat, looking at Roger shyly, though there was still the underlying sadness to his eyes.

"It's okay, Bri. You can tell me anything." Roger sat up a bit straighter.

"C-Can I hug you?" He asked softly, his gaze falling to his lap.

Roger smiled softly, standing up from his chair and moving over to him. He offered his hand and pulled Brian up before wrapping his arms around the taller man. He held him tightly, both men breathing in the quiet room. The only noise was occasional babbles and the munching of Cheerios.

"You're a really great friend, Roger." Brian said softly. "I'm sorry for all the years I didn't give you a chance."

Roger buried his face in the taller man's chest, the weight of the words crushing his lungs.

_Friend_.

How could he be so stupid? Of course Brian only saw him as a friend. Hardly even that in weeks prior.

"Yeah, you're a...a great friend too." Roger said quietly. "I'm sorry too. I wasn't the nicest to you. I held grudges that should've been let go years ago."

"Like that first date?"

"I think it was reasonable to be mad at the time, but...maybe not for four years." Roger chuckled quietly.

"Well, tonight, I promise that I won't make any booty calls." Brian joked.

"Just not in front of me!" Roger pulled away and smiled up at him. "Do what you want after." He joked.

"It'll be a do-over." Brian said, looking down at him.

"Do-over of the first time?" He tilted his head.

"Yeah, this time we'll fix everything we did wrong the first time around." Brian proposed, a small grin on his face. "Rather, everything I did wrong."

"So...it's a date?" Roger shuffled his feet awkwardly, his eyes flicking between Brian and the floor.

"Yeah. It's a date." Brian smiled. "You deserve it after what happened with Sam. I mean, sorry it's with me, but we'll make do. It doesn't have to actually mean anything. It's just a little break for you."

"You deserve a break too, Bri." Roger smiled up at him and nodded, ignoring the disappointment he felt at his words. "I'll go call Freddie and ask him to watch Lila tonight."

Brian nodded, turn into to feed the baby. "Let me know what he says!"

Lila stared up at him with her big blue eyes, scrunching her nose up as she giggled.

Brian smiled softly at her. She even laughed just like Roger. Side by side, they looked just like father and daughter.

"Dadadadada." Lila grabbed his finger and leaned her head on his hand, flashing her four top and bottom teeth in a wide smile.

"Are you excited to see Uncle Freddie and Mr. Jim?" Brian cooed, tickling her chin.

"Uncle Jim!!" Roger yelled from the other room. "I like him and we're keeping him!!"

Brian chuckled, shaking his head. "Uncle Jim it is, then."

Lila squealed in excitement, grabbing his hand again before shoving it in her mouth and biting down hard.

Brian took his hand back and booped her nose. "No biting, Lila. That's bad."

She responded by screaming bloody murder.

"Christ, Bri. What'd you do?" Roger came in frowning.

"She bit me so I told her not to." Brian explained over the glass shattering screams, showing his bitten finger which was bleeding slightly.

"Oh, she really got you." Roger said, reaching in the medicine cabinet and grabbing a plaster. He pulled Brian over to the sink and cleaned his finger before drying and dressing it.

"Thanks, Rog." Brian smiled down at him.

"Hm." Roger hummed in response before turning and screaming back at Lila in a louder and high pitched frequency.

Brian was about to scold him before Lila immediately stopped screaming and let out a giggle.

"Voila." Roger winked over his shoulder. "Freddie's picking her up in twenty minutes. I told him later, but he said he wanted her as soon as humanly possible and he wants her overnight." He sighed.

"Of course he does." Brian chuckled. "I'll pack her diaper bag."

"You're only doing that so you don't have to change her diaper, you simple bitch." Roger lifted Lila and planted her on his him, his hand resting on his other hip.

"Bbbbb." Lila babbled.

"Lila says you're a bitch too." Roger smirked.

Brian shook his head. "One day she's going to start repeating after you for real."

"Good!" Roger grinned. "Look, Lila. Do this." He said, putting his middle finger up at Brian.

Lila stared at his hand before raising her own, sticking her pointer finger up.

"Corrupting the poor child." Brian scoffed jokingly. "You'll be the one to explain it to the teachers in four years."

Roger smiled at the statement. The idea of them still being together in the years ahead made his heart flutter.

"Gladly."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After Roger got her cleaned up and changed, he met Brian in the lounge.

"Pacifier?"

"Yes."

"...extra pacifier?"

"Yes, Rog."

"Her hedgehog?"

"Shit..."

"Now who's cursing?" Roger smirked and tossed him the stuffed animal. "Diapers and pajamas?"

"I've packed the diaper bag a million times, Roger. Don't worry so much." Brian rolled his eyes.

"Ugh, I'm turning into you." Roger sighed, sitting on the couch with Lila.

"You say that like it's a bad thing!"

Roger gave him a smirk before looking down at Lila. "When are you going to start walking? You're fifteen months old, Lila."

"Don't rush her." Brian said, kneeling in front of him and kissing her cheek. "You'll walk when you're ready. Right, pretty girl?" He grinned at her, tapping her nose.

"You better not do it for uncle Freddie." Roger said, standing up when the doorbell rang.

Upon opening the door, Freddie snatched the baby and spun her around happily.

"Freddie..." Roger warmed.

"Fred, don't-" Brian cringed as Freddie bounced her in the air, Lila unleashing her breakfast onto him.

"She just ate, Freddie." Roger smirked.

"Wipe that goddamn smirk off your face, Taylor." Freddie pouted, taking the wipes Brian handed him.

"Bri, could you get her some new clothes please?" Roger turned to look at him. He smiled and nodded, quickly running upstairs.

"So... A date?" Freddie wiggles his eyebrows.

"Yeah, I'm gonna tell him how I feel." Roger smiled.

"Think he'll listen?" Freddie asked, propping Lila up on his hip.

"I'm not drinking tonight, so hopefully." Roger sighed. "And if he rejects me again then... I'll probably ruin everything and he'll leave and then Lila and I will be on our own."

"That won't happen. Brian's way too nice to just leave you!" Freddie rolled his eyes. "Oh hi, Bri."

"Fuck!" Roger turned around quickly, seeing no one behind him. "I fucking hate you." He grumbled.

"You love me, darling." Freddie grinned.

"What if he heard?" Roger crossed his arms.

"Heard what?"

"Nothing!! Oh my god, you're so nosy!!" Roger yelled, turning around with a deep blush. "Shut up."

"I didn't say anything, Rog." Brian chuckled.

"Yeah... but you were thinking." Roger huffed, the blush only getting darker as Brian just laughed and rolled his eyes.

"Okay, well, Lila and I are going to split. I'm painting her nails tonight and spoiling the shit out of her." Freddie grinned.

"Don't go too crazy, Fred. She'll get cranky." Brian said, kissing the top of her head.

"Pacifier, milk, and hedgehog at bedtime or she won't sleep. That order too, otherwise she'll throw it all across the room." Roger said, taking her from his arms and kissing her cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow, flower." He said softly.

"Sing to her if she gets fussy." Brian said, stroking her hair.

"She likes the Beatles, but Bowie works too. She absolutely hates The Beach Boys." Roger said, handing the baby over.

"I sang 'Wouldn't It Be Nice' and she cried for three hours." Brian cringed.

"Just... for you and Jim's sake, don't do it." Roger raised his eyebrows for emphasis.

Freddie stared at them for a solid minute, his mouth slightly agape.

"What?" Roger crossed his arms.

"You two are such dad's." Freddie snorted.

"Shut up!" They grumbled in unison. 

"Okay, have a good date." Freddie winked, laughing as they blushed.

"Call if you-" Brian began.

"Enjoy yourselves!!" Freddie yelled over him, shutting the door.

"What if he doesn't buckle her in right?" Brian frowned.

"It's buckling a car seat. And Jim's driving. And they live three houses down." Roger shrugged.

"Why'd they even drive?" Brian chuckled.

"It's Freddie. You think he'd carry a baby and bags down the street?"

They both laughed before settling on the couch.

"What time is it?" Roger asked, leaning his head on the taller man's shoulder.

"Noon." Brian said, stifling a yawn.

"...Wanna take a nap?" He looked up at him, a small smile on his face.

"God, yes."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

They woke up after four hours. Brian was laying on his back with Roger right on top of him. Their cheeks were pressed together and Brian's arms wrapped snuggly around the blond's waist.

Roger opened his eyes to see that they'd somehow gotten into the position, quickly moved his head down to Brian's chest.

Brian yawned, stretching out with a deep groan that gave Roger many impure thoughts.

"Hi." Roger smiled softly, his droopy eyes lifting to look at Brian's.

"Hi." Brian's voice was rough with sleep, though his smile was as gentle as ever. "Sleep okay?"

"Perfect." He yawned. "You?"

"Great. You make a nice blanket." Brian chuckled, rubbing his eyes.

Roger chuckled and sat up. "You make a good bed." He winked. "I'm going to get a shower now."

“Alright.” Brian said as they both stood up. “I’ll make us some tea.”

Roger grinned at him. “That sounds good. I’ll see you in a bit.” He said, beginning to turn around.

Brian hummed in response, pecking his lips before walking to the kitchen with a yawn.

Then it hit him.

What the hell did he just do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My college class starts tomorrow and I have to work until 10pm 🙃
> 
> So I'll try to have the second part out either tomorrow or the next day? 
> 
> Anyway,
> 
> Peace ✌🏻


	12. Collide (part two)

Roger stood in the shower, his mind racing.

Brian kissed him.

Brian. Mother. Fucking. May.

It was hardly a kiss though. What if it was just a friend kiss?

Friends don't kiss though...

Well, he kissed Freddie once when he was drunk, but that was different.

Roger shook his head. He just would wait until Brian brought it up. Surely he'd bring it up.

He quickly finished washing his hair and turned the shower off. Stepping out and drying off he looked in the mirror, wiping away the fogginess that had collected.

He grinned to himself, fixing up his hair and brushing his teeth. He examined the slight stubble that was beginning to show on his jaw and chin.

Roger sprayed a bit of shaving cream on his hands and put it on his face, making himself a little foam beard. He chuckled to himself. He'd look like Santa if his hair ever turned white.

Shaving quickly, he rinsed his face and walked into the bedroom. He stared at his closet for nearly twenty minutes before deciding on a black and white floral blazer. He paired it with a black button up and black pants.

He looked in the mirror and grinned before splashing on a bit of cologne.

His mind drifted back to the kiss and he did a small little happy dance before collapsing onto the bed with a quiet squeal.

He wanted to scream, but he knew that would have alerted the poodle. No bueno.

He glanced at his watch, seeing it was 6:45. With a deep breath, he made his way downstairs.

Brian got ready quickly, showered and shaved, got dressed in his white button up, black jeans, and his precious clogs. If Rog got his sparkly shoes, Brian could wear his clogs!

He sat on the couch, his head in his hands. Why did he kiss him? Brian groaned. How could he be so stupid?

Roger didn't even kiss back...

"You look nice."

His head snapped up as he was dragged out of his self loathing.

"Wh-What?" Brian stammered, swallowing thickly.

"I said, you look nice. I mean, the clogs are horrendous, but the rest is...you look handsome." Roger grinned, offering a hand to help him stand up.

"These are my nice clogs." Brian blushed. "But, uh, thank you."

"I'm scared to see that collection you have." Roger chuckled and pulled him up.

Brian looked him up and down, his breath hitching in his throat. "God, he's so beautiful."

"Well, thank you." Roger smiled shyly.

Oh god, he said that out loud.

"I think I'm having a stroke." Brian muttered, rubbing a hand over his face.

"I have that effect on people." Roger joked, winking at him. "Ready, Bri? I made the reservations this time."

Brian nodded, his face still flushed. How the hell was he going to get through this 'date' if he couldn't fucking talk?

"You worry too much." Roger said, dragging him out the door. "Words slip sometimes. I'm flattered, Bri. Don't be embarrassed." He stopped and looked up at him with his earth shattering smile. "And for the record, I think you're beautiful too." He said softly before opening the car door for him.

Brian smiled shyly and got in the car. "Th-Thanks, Rog."

Roger shook his head with a smile before getting in the drivers seat and starting the car.

"I'm serious, you know. You don't give yourself enough credit. For a while, I didn't either, but now I see that you're way more than some space nerd." He said before turning on the radio.

Brian gazed over at him, watching the way he delicately turned the volume dial and how he quietly sang along to the radio. In that moment, he wished he could kiss him again. Not just a peck, but a real passion filled kiss. He didn't just want it. He needed it.

Roger glanced over and smiled softly at him. He took one hand off the steering wheel and intertwined their hands.

With a smile, Brian knew he had to tell him tonight.

He had to tell Roger that he was truly, madly, and deeply in love with him.

And he didn't care how sappy it sounded.

*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*

Roger pulled into the restaurant parking lot, parking in a spot close to the door and getting out quickly, throwing Brian's door open.

Brian raised an eyebrow at the aggression in his actions only for the blond to giggle.

"I had to be fast to get it before you did." Roger grinned, shutting the door as soon as Brian climbed out.

"Shouldn't I be the one doing this?" Brian chuckled.

"Why? Because I look like a girl?" Roger challenged, though his smile didn't fade.

"Well, I meant since I ruined the first date. But now that you mention it..." Brian smirked, opening the door for him.

"Oh, please. Your hair is longer than mine!" Roger laughed.

"Women can have short hair."

"Piss off." He chuckled, going to the hostess stand. "Hello, ma'am. Reservations for Taylor."

"I have got right here. Seven thirty?" She smiled politely.

Roger nodded with a grin before she led both men back to their table.

Brian looked over to see a small dance floor with a few people dancing and smiled.

Of course Roger would pick a restaurant with a dance floor.

The server came over with a greeting and menus, taking their drink orders before running back off to the kitchen.

Brian opened up the menu and read it over, smiling to himself.

"Everything's vegetarian." He said, smiling over at Roger.

"Vegan options too, if you're into that." Roger grinned.

Brian beamed at him, his stomach doing little flips. No one ever pays much mind to the fact that he's a vegetarian. No one really bothers to remember most of the time.

"I didn't want to take you somewhere where the only option you'd have is a salad." Roger shrugged. "I've heard good things about this place too!"

"That's... Thank you." He smiled, looking back at the menu.

"So, as a star vegetarian," Roger leaned across the table, eyebrow cocked with a flirtatious smile. "What do you recommend?"

With a smile, Brian began rambling on about different things he saw on the menu.

Eventually they both decided to order pasta and a tofu burger and split them.

Roger smirked when he thought about pulling a 'Lady and The Tramp' on Brian, though Brian ruined it by ordering two extra plates.

By the end of the meal, they sat back with full bellies.

"Damn, and to think I always though vegetarians were always hungry." Roger joked.

"Common misunderstanding." Brian chuckled.

Glancing over at the dance floor, Roger smiled softly. "Hey, wanna go dance?" He asked shyly, looking at him under his thick lashes.

"You don't have to flutter your eyelashes to get me to dance with you, Rog. I was about to ask you the same." He smiled and stood up, offering his hand.

Roger took it with a grin before being led to the dance floor, just as a slow song began.

He didn't plan that at all. Except that he totally did. He was a bit disappointed when they told him no 'old songs', but he made do with what he could get.

The only thing he cared about was getting into Brian's arms.

And maybe pants...later.

Roger didn't even know the song that began to play, soft acoustic guitar filling his ears as Brian smiled down at him nervously before wrapping his arms around his waist.

He grinned back, wrapping his arms around the taller man's neck. They looked around to see the dance floor completely empty, no one even sitting around them. Just the two of them, swaying to some random early 2000's song.

_The dawn is breaking_

_A light shining through_

_You're barely waking_

_And I'm tangled up in you_

Brian's mind drifted to that morning. The feeling of Roger head on his chest and their legs intertwined under the covers. The way the sunlight poured into the room, making his tired blue eyes glow. Breathtaking was the only possible way to describe it.

_I'm open, you're closed_

_Where I follow, you'll go_

_I worry I won't see your face_

_Light up again_

Roger's head was resting on Brian's chest as they swayed to the song. He gazed up at Brian with a small smile. He was more reserved than himself. Roger wore his heart on his sleeve, always outspoken and fighting for what he wanted. Brian was different. He was closed off. More personal in his life.

Roger loved the way the taller man's face lit up when he talked about the stars or when he saw animals. He loved the way his eyes shined when he was holding Lila.

The dark moments scared him. The days where Brian's smile didn't reach his eyes. Where his passion faded, motivation dimmed. He was always afraid he wouldn't come back. Scared he'd never see his face light up in the way he loved so much. He never noticed it much until the past month.

_Even the best fall down sometimes_

_Even the wrong words seem to rhyme_

_Out of the doubt that fills my mind_

_I somehow find_

_You and I collide_

Their eyes met again, a spark sizzling in the autumn night. They'd both had their doubts. Terrified that the other didn't feel the same. Scared that they'd crash and burn. They were just so different in every way.

Surely they weren't right for each other.

_I'm quiet you know_

_You make a first impression_

_I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind_

Brian was never outgoing with strangers. He was often so quiet, people would forget he was even there.

His first impression of Roger was that he was bright. He shined so bright in his personality, with his dazzling smile and fiery temper. Brian didn't understand why he let himself screw up so bad to ruin his chance with the man.

His mind drifted to the other night. The night Roger said he loved him. Brian found himself to be a nervous wreck thinking about how genuine he seemed. He was terrified to think Roger could possibly love him.

He couldn't.

_Even the best fall down sometimes_

_Even the stars refuse to shine_

_Out of the back you fall in time_

_I somehow find_

_You and I collide_

Roger bit his lip at the lyrics. He wasn't a fan of these types of songs usually, but he resonated so deeply with the words.

No matter how different they were, Roger couldn't imagine loving anyone else as much as he loved Brian.

And by god did he love that man.

_Don't stop here_

_I've lost my place_

_I'm close behind_

Gazing into the bluest eyes he'd ever seen, he hoped he wasn't too late. He was lost in his feelings, yes, but he was slowly figuring it out. He didn't want it to end there. He didn't want to be left behind while Roger moved on to someone else.

He was so close to figuring everything out.

_Even the best fall down sometimes_

_Even the wrong words seem to rhyme_

_Out of the doubt that fills your mind_

_You finally find_

_You and I collide_

Roger could see the doubt draining from Brian's eyes. He saw a sense of understanding. A sense of...love?

They didn't make sense. Roger was loud and brash, Brian was quiet and wary.

But they still fit together.

They still _collided_ to make something so passionate. So beautiful.

So perfect.

"_You finally find_

_You and I collide_"

Roger sang the last part softly, his voice quietly reaching Brian's ears. The older of the two smiled down at him, a glint in his eye.

It had always been there, but now Roger knew what it was.

It had to be love.

Brian let go of the smaller man, taking a step back as the next song played.

Roger rolled his eyes. It was that fucking Bieber kid again.

They walked back to the table, quickly paying the bill after a short argument and a few threats by the shorter man. They ended up splitting the bill, paying for each other's meals.

Brian held the door open as Roger walked out. He smiled as Roger walked to the car and waited for him by the passenger side with the door open.

He grinned to himself as he walked past, glancing back to see the confused face of his date.

"Um...Bri?" He heard Rogers voice and turned around.

"Yes?"

"The car's right here?" He cocked his head to one side, a tiny frown on his face.

"I know. We're not getting in." Brian shrugged, turning back around and walking.

"Bri!" Roger groaned, jogging to catch up with him. "We're going to get murdered. It's so dark!"

"Shhh."

"Oh my god, you're going to kill me, aren't you?" Roger stopped, staring at him.

"Only if you keep asking questions. Just follow me!" Brian grabbed his hand and pulled him along as he walked.

"That's illegal, Bri. You can't do that." Roger huffed.

Brian rolled his eyes, stopping at his destination with a grin.

"Holland Park?" Roger looked at Brian with a confused face. "Why?"

"You took me somewhere, I'm taking you somewhere." Brian shrugged, taking his hand more gently this time and continued walking the path.

Roger shrugged and followed him, gripping his hand. He stared up at the man when he realized something...

He didn't talk about the kiss. They'd forgotten to actually talk the entire dinner! They got lost in random conversation that Roger forgot all about what he wanted to talk about in the first place.

"Bri-"

"Hold on." Brian smiled, dragging him again over to a small waterfall. He grinned down at the blond. "Isn't it wonderful?"

"Yeah, it is, but-"

"You don't like it?" Brian's smiled dropped.

"What? No!" Roger frowned. "I mean, yes! No, I like it." He sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. "Bri, we need to talk."

Brian sighed, looking over at the water. "I know."

Roger grabbed his wrist and led him to a bench and sat down. "Now, you're going to shut up and actually listen this time. Okay? I'm not drunk, haven't drank anything in a few days. Or maybe a week. Doesn't matter. Am I sober?"

"Yes?" Brian cocked an eyebrow. "What are you saying?"

"Well, first of all, I am sober." Roger confirmed again. "And uh, of you didn't notice earlier, you kind of kissed me?"

Brian's face fell, swallowing and avoiding Rogers gaze. "I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean-"

"Shut up and listen, Bri." Roger sighed.

Brian looked back at him, his eyes wide and mouth shut.

"Good." Roger bit his lip nervously. "Third times a charm, right?" He chuckled awkwardly.

"Brian, look. I-I don't know how you feel. You're all over the place all the time. It drives me mad, really." Roger sighed. "Why'd you kiss me? I told you I loved you and you said I was confused. I tried to kiss you before and you pushed me away. Why? You make everything so confusing!" He ran a shaky hand through his hair. "Just...tell me what you want."

Brian stared at him, his mouth agape as he searched for something to say.

"You love me?"

Roger closed his eyes and took a deep breath, collecting his nerves.

"Yes. I do love you. I really do. In the most infuriating way. In the way of having what you want just out of your reach.” He looked down at his lap, turning away from Brian. “We became friends over the last month. Good friends, I think. Maybe it’s selfish, but I want more. I want something more than that.” Roger looked at him, his eyes glistening in the luminosity of the streetlamp. “Brian, I want you.”

Brian watched his wordlessly, his mind trying to process what Roger just said, his mouth opening and closing.

“Say something, Brian.” Roger’s breathing quickened, an anxious feeling gnawing at his stomach.

“I thought you hated me.” He blurted.

Roger stared at him before standing up quickly. Brian knew he fucked up when he saw the shine of tears in the younger man’s eyes.

“Well I fucking don’t.” He choked out, his face flushing with frustration. “Is it so hard to just say you don’t feel the same? Is it so fucking hard to not mess with my head by kissing me?” His voice cracked as he turned around, crossing his arms.

A tear fell down his cheek as he walked. He roughly wiped it away. Maybe he was being brash and immature, but he didn’t care. He didn’t have a chance anyway.

It wasn’t until he felt a hand on his wrist that he turned around. He turned around ready to yell, scream, really anything that involved getting his frustrations out.

Before he could utter a single word, he felt a pair of lip colliding with his own.

His eyes slid shut as he melted into Brian’s embrace, his hands gripping the fabric of his shirt. Not what he had in mind to get the frustrations out, but definitely better.

It ended all too quickly when Brian pulled away to gaze down at him.

“Your turn to shut up and listen, Rog.” Brian said softly as he pulled away, looking down at him with a small smile.

“I’m listening...” Roger bit his lip, his eyes focusing on Brian’s.

“I thought you hated me. I did. I thought you may have just been nice to me because we both lost the people we love. I thought every nice thing you did or said was out of pity.” Brian explained, chewing the inside of his cheek. “I was terrified when I realized that what I felt wasn’t friendship from tragedy. I knew I couldn’t tell you, because I never thought you’d feel the same way. That night you told me you loved me, I thought I was some rebound from Sam. It hurt and I didn’t want that.” He looked down at his feet. “I wanted you for real.”

“You weren’t-” Brian pressed a finger to Roger lips, preventing him from interrupted.

“I love you, Roger. And I think I always have. Even after I messed up that first date. I went home and all I could think about was how to make it up to you. Of course, you never let me.” Brian chuckled quietly, shaking his head. “So what do you say?”

Roger looked down for a moment, a contemplative look on his face before smiling up at him.

“You really love me?” He asked softly.

“I really do.” Brian reached up to cup his cheek.

Roger grinned, wrapping his arms around Brian’s neck and pressing their lips together once again, quickly getting lost in the feeling. That time the kiss was deeper, more meaningful as they held each other closer.

Roger pulled away, smiling softly at him.

“I say, _I love you too_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My manager killed a mouse today and tricked me into looking at it and I nearly started crying in the middle of my shift🙃 
> 
> Anyway it's 3:30 in the morning rn and idk why tf I'm still awake
> 
> Peace ✌🏻


	13. That’s NOT What She Said

They decided to sit on the terrace when they arrived home. The sky was clear and the cool air was calming. A perfect end to a perfect night.

"Can I be honest with you?"

Brian's heart fell to his stomach at the words. He was going to take it all back. He didn't actually love him.

"You keep saying the stars are pretty, and I'm sure they are, but I can't see a damn thing." Roger chuckled softly.

"What?"

"I have shit vision." Roger admitted. "And if I look too long, my head hurts."

Thank god, he was just visually impaired! Not lying about his feelings.

"You still love me?"

"No, I can't see, therefore, I can't feel emotions." He said sarcastically. "Brian, we just had a whole conversation about the fact that I love you. We've had it twice, thrice if you count right now." Roger chuckled.

"Y-Yeah, sorry. You were saying?" Brian asked sheepishly.

"I can't see the stars. They just kind of blur together. Can't tell the constellations either." Roger sighed. "I like when you talk about it, though."

"Do you have glasses?" Brian tilted his head. He'd never seen him wear glasses, not unless it was one of his twenty thousand pairs of sunglasses.

"I-I do, but they're ugly. I look daft when I wear them." Roger shrugged.

"I doubt that." Brian snorted. "Why don't you wear contacts then?"

"Allergic. I tried as a kid, my eyes got so irritated that they swelled up. They swelled shut!" Roger shook his head, chuckling a bit. "I thought I went completely blind!"

"Go get the glasses."

"What? I look ugly in them." He sighed. "You'll just think I'm ugly."

Brian frowned, looking over to him with a hand on his thigh. "Anyone who thinks you're ugly need their eyes checked."

Roger cracked a small smile and stood up. "If you laugh, I'll throw you off the terrace."

"Deal." Brian gave him a little grin, sitting back in his seat a bit.

The smaller man walked back into the house, quickly rummaging through his belongings before slipping on his glasses. They were rather large and had thin black frames. He nervously stepped back out on the terrace, Brian's eyes locked with his immediately, a soft smile on his face.

Brian approached him slowly, cupping his cheeks with a smile.

"Absolutely beautiful." He said softly.

"Oh, shut up. They're just glasses." Roger laughed, his cheeks burning at the compliment.

"Yes, they are. But you look adorable."Brian smiled, dropping on of his hands to his side while the other still cupped the blonds flushed cheek.

"Really?" Roger smiled widely.

"Truly." The older man pulled him closer, spinning him around so Roger's back was against his chest. "Now you can see the stars?"

Roger nodded, leaning into him and grabbing his arms to wrap around himself. "Hold me?"

"Of course." Brian's grip around him tightened, their bodies flush with one another.

Roger hummed in contentment, gazing up at the clear sky. He turned his head to smile up at Brian before he felt his lips press gently against his own.

Roger turned around, wrapping his arms around the taller man's neck and sighed into the kiss just as Brian pulled him closer.

The kiss became heated, Roger finding his back pressed against the glass door as Brian's body was flush with his own. His hands found their way into the messy curls atop Brian's head and tangled his fingers in them.

Brian grabbed the door handle, pushing open the door and walking Roger backwards into the house. Their lips never left each other the entire time they stumbled up the stairs and into the closest bedroom.

They pulled away for a moment, catching their breaths as they gazed into each other's eyes. In the dim lighting, Brian could see that Roger's pupils were blown wide, Only a thin line of blue surrounding them.

"Is this okay?" Brian's voice sent shivers down his spine, his body aching to be closer.

"God, yes."

Within another second, Rogers fingers worked the buttons on Brian's shirt. He grinned when his chest and stomach were fully exposed before pulling the shirt off completely.

"You broke my button." Brian chuckled.

"Sew it back on." Roger shrugged, moving forward to pepper kisses along his neck.

"I can't sew."

"That sounds like a personal problem." Roger grinned up at him. "Now, please shut up about the shirt. I'll fix it for you tomorrow."

"You sew?" Brian cocked an eyebrow.

"Freddie and I make clothes." Roger chuckled. "Of course I sew."

"But you can't boil an egg?" Brian chuckled, earning an eye roll from the blond.

Roger stared at him for a moment before smirking. "You're nervous."

"What? No, I'm not!" Brian frowned.

"You're stalling." Roger smirked even more.

"No, you are." Brian cleared his throat.

"You interrupted us to complain about your shirt." Roger laughed. "You're stalling, just admit it."

"It's my favorite shirt!" Brian defended.

"No, it's not. It's a plain white button up, you have like twelve of them." Roger snorted.

Brian opened his mouth to argue, but was interrupted by Roger's phone ringing.

Roger smirked and pulled out the phone. "It's Freddie." He said before answering it. "Hello?"

"Roger, darling, I hope I'm not interrupting anything. Did you shag yet?"

"No, Brian's stalling. He's nervous and sad about a broken button." Roger looked up at see Brian's face completely red.

"Tell him we can fix the button later." Freddie chuckled.

"I did, and you're on speaker." Roger grinned.

"Brian, there's nothing to be nervous about! Here, I'll talk you through it. When a man loves a man-"

"I get it! I get it! Thank you, Fred!" Brian covered his face, his blush creeping down his neck.

"He's blushing, it's so adorable." Roger chuckled. "Anyway, did you need something?"

"Oh, yes! Lila is being quite vocal at the moment. I can't seem to get her to bed. She just keeps screaming 'fuck' at me." Freddie sighed.

Roger threw his head back laughing. "That's NOT what she said."

"No, dear. Listen." Freddie brought the phone over to Lila. "Darling, Papa is on the phone. Tell him what you said."

"Papa!" The little girl squealed before babbling loudly.

"Hi, flower." Roger chuckled. "Freddie, she's saying 'book', not 'fuck'. She just wants you to read to her."

"Is that what you want, Lila? A book?" He heard Freddie say.

"Yes!" Lila squealed again, causing a smile to break out on Brian and Rogers faces as they shared a look.

"I told you she wasn't saying that!" Jim laughed in the background.

"Jim, my love, Roger is raising her. I wouldn't be surprised if all of her first words were swears." Freddie snorted. "Alright, darling, have fun tonight. Tell Brian to stop stalling. Get down and make some love."

"Goodnight, Freddie." Roger chuckled. "Kiss Lila for us."

"Of course! Goodnight!"

Roger hung up the phone and chuckled, tossing his phone on the dresser.

"Rog?"

He turned around to see Brian sitting on the bed, fidgeting nervously.

"I think I'm nervous." Brian looked down at him lap, clearing his throat. "I haven't... uh, it's been a while."

"Me too." Roger smiled, sitting next to him. "We don't have to do anything, Bri. I'd be fine just sitting on the couch with you."

Brian smiled, nodding as he stood up. "Movie?"

"Sounds lovely." Roger went and grabbed a shirt, handing it to him with a smile. "I'm going to change first."

Brian nodded, pulling the shirt on and running downstairs. He quickly picked a movie and turned it on, pausing it and waiting for Roger to get back.

He smiled softly when the blond came down the stairs, cozy in his pajamas. Roger grinned back, sitting next to him and cuddling into his side.

They stayed just like that for half the movie, until they shared a few innocent kisses. The innocence didn't last long as nerves were lost.

One thing led to another, pajamas were discarded onto the floor and the two men pressed together on the small couch with happy smiles.

They just thanked god that Freddie offered to take Lila over night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No smut this time my friends, sorry😂 I wrote the end of this in a Chick-Fil-A parking lot right before I went into work soooo yeah😂


	14. The Unexpected Visit

As sunlight poured through the cracked blinds, Roger found himself completely naked and pressed to the man he had a severe love-hate relationship with for four entire years.

And he couldn't be happier.

Roger propped his head up on his hands, contently gazing down at the sleeping man. He smiled softly, pressing a kiss to his nose and chuckling when he wrinkled it.

Slowly, Brian's eyes fluttered open and a warm smile spread across his face.

"Good morning." Brian greeted, his voice hoarse from sleep.

"Good is an understatement, I think." Roger grinned, pecking his lips sweetly.

Brian chuckled, pulling him in for another kiss. "Amazing? Wonderful? Perfect?"

"Sap." Roger snorted. "I can't wait for our third date in four years." He winked.

"Things start getting serious around the fourth date, too fast in eight years?" Brian chuckled.

"Way too fast. I think the fifth date is the appropriate time to get serious, twelve years then?" Roger laughed, laying his head back on Brian's chest.

"Sounds reasonable. It's not like we're raising a kid or anything." He joked.

"Imagine that." Roger huffed a laugh. "Speaking of which, we need to pick her up soon."

"I can't wait, I missed her." Brian smiled, running a hand through his hair.

"Me too." Roger yawned. "We can get dressed and head over no-"

Just as he was beginning to sit up, the doorbell rang. Both men jumped, scrambling off the couch.

Roger quickly pulled on his pajama pants, grabbing his shirt and running to the door while desperately trying to get their shirt on.

He peaked out the window and his eyes widened.

"Fucking hell!" He cursed, opening to door slightly. "Uh, just one moment please." He mumbled before slamming the door again.

"Please tell me it's Freddie!" Brian shouted from the lounge.

"It's not fucking Freddie! Why would I be panicking about Freddie?!" Roger pulled at his hair as he ran into the room. "It's Cassidy, it's the fucking social worker!"

"We don't have Lila!!" Brian's eyes widened, still struggling to get his clothes on.

"No shit!!" Roger looked around, his voice going up four octaves as he was nearly screaming. "Oh my god!!"

"Shhh! She's going to hear you!!" Brian shouted back.

"You're- You're yelling too, dumbass!!"

"Hey! Don't call me a dumbass!!" Brian glared.

"That's what you're worried about right now?!" Roger rolled his eyes.

"Just- Help me clean up!!" Brian grabbed the trash bin and tossed all of the trash on the table in it while Roger shoves toys under the couch and the bottle of wine they had last night in the coat closet.

"It's good, it's good! Go get the door!" Brian yelled over his shoulder as he folded the throw blanket and straightened up the pillows.

Roger nodded and quickly ran to the door, opening it with a nervous smile.

"Hello, Cassidy. How are you today?" He asked, trying to catch his breath.

"I'm well, thank you." She smiled, looking down at her clipboard. "Alright, sorry to come so early, I've got a long list of clients to visit today."

"We completely understand. Just had to clean up a bit of a mess Lila made last night." Roger smiled, looking over his shoulder to see Brian's pants unzipped and his shirt, not only inside out, but backwards.

Maybe Cassidy wouldn't notice.

"Oh, um... yeah, new parents and all." Brian smiled sheepishly.

"I can see that..." Cassidy tapped her pen against her chin.

Of course she fucking noticed.

Roger sighed and let her in the house, allowing her to make s beeline for the living room.

At that moment, Brian's breath hitched in his throat. His eyes trailed down to a lump of white by the couch.

It was the washcloth they'd used to...clean themselves off last night.

Roger seemed to have noticed as well, his eyes widening to an extreme level as he stared at it before 'accidentally' knocking Cassidy's clipboard out of her hand and to the floor.

"Oh my god, I'm sorry!" Roger shouted, giving a pointed look to Brian over his shoulder.

Brian quickly grabbed the washcloth and went to the window, opening it and chucking it outside.

"It's so hot in here!" He exclaimed.

"It's nearly October..." Cassidy frowned.

"He gets hot easily." Roger said, looking over at him. "Darling, could you please close the window? Remember my, uh, allergies?"

Brian quickly shut the window with a sheepish smile, blushing at what he called him. "Sorry, Rog."

"So, where's Lila?" Cassidy looked around, frowning when she didn't see the toddler.

"She's..."

"Sleeping!" Roger announced quite loudly, clearing his throat. "She woke up quite early and we just put her down for a nap as soon as you got here!"

"Well, can I see her?" Cassidy cocked an eyebrow.

"No!" Brian's eyes widened. "She's a very light sleeper. The slightest noise could wake her and then, uh..."

"She'll cry for hours. Heart wrenching cries." Roger added, shaking his head. "B-But we're open for any questions."

"Right..." Cassidy looked between the two before her eyes rested upon Roger's bare ring-finger.

Fuck.

"Still haven't gotten your ring back?" She asked suspiciously. "If the engagement is broken or you two are no longer together, the chances of Lila staying in your care dwindle tremendously." She informed.

"What? No! We are very much in love and most definitely still engaged!" Roger frowned.

"The ring was a tad too big, slipped off on the tube and he couldn't find it again. We're looking to replace it. It's been very upsetting to him and I would appreciate it if you would stop bringing it up." Brian wrapped an arm around him, a frown set on his face.

"Oh, well, I'm very sorry about that. My sister lost her engagement ring once and was very upset about it. Sorry for bringing it up." Cassidy cleared her throat. "Anyway, I see I've caught you at a bad time, but that's the reality of this. The visits are supposed to be unexpected and random to ensure the child is in the best care possible." She sighed. "I'm not here to scare you, we just want what's best for the child."

Brian felt Roger tense up in his arms, seeing the blonds face pinch in the way it does when he's holding back a blow up.

"You think she's better off somewhere else?" His gaze narrowed. His voice was steady, but pinched anger could be heard clearly. Brian held him closer and felt him relax slightly in his hold. 

"Heavens, no! Personally, I think this is the best place for her to be. I see you're flustered and that's understandable. I think I clearly caught you both in an...intimate moment. Which, the baby is sleeping so..." She shrugged sheepishly, a small smile on her face. "I like you both, I think that you're doing a great job with this whole ordeal. It's alright to take a moment to yourselves. Just because you have a baby doesn't mean your personal lives are over."

"Oh, well, thank you." Roger cleared his throat, a small blush rising to his cheeks.

"Yes, thank you." Brian smiled softly.

"These visiting will only be once a month for the next three months. Then the court will decide if you're stable and ready to be appointed true guardians. At that point, you'll even be able to consider adopting her as your own legal child." Cassidy smiled, checking a few boxed.

Roger's face softened at her last statement. He hadn't thought of legally adopting her. At first, it felt strange. Taking in his sisters daughter as his own. When Lila first called him 'papa', he wanted to reject it. He wasn't Matt. He wasn't her father.

But now...he was. He had to be. He wasn't going to let her grow up without parents. Lila didn't deserve that. No child deserves that. His heart clenched at the idea alone.

He looked over at Brian who was smiling and talking to the young woman, his mind not registering any of the words.

He decided in that moment, with or without Brian, he would sign those papers. Lila wouldn't go through life without a parent.

Roger would adopt her.

He wasn't pulled out of his thoughts until Cassidy shook his hand and said her goodbyes before leaving.

"Hey, are you alright?" Brian asked softly, putting a hand on his shoulder.

Roger nodded, swallowing thickly. "Yeah, just got in my head a bit."

Brian frowned and kissed the top of his head. "Want to talk about it?"

"Maybe later. I really want to see Lila now." Roger turned his eyes up to Brian, causing any argument the taller man had to die in his throat.

"Of course." He nodded.

"And please zip up your pants... And fix your shirt." The playful glint was back in Rogers eyes, a tiny smirk pulling at the corners of his mouth.

Brian looked down at his clothes, his face flushing with embarrassment.

"Fuck."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Freddie leaned against the counter, a smirk on his face as he looked at the blond in front of him.

“Details?”

“Don’t be gross, Freddie.” Roger sighed, refolding a shirt that someone had unfolded and left crumpled on top of the pile.

“What? You’re suddenly a prude?” Freddie snorted, walking to him and abandoning the cash register. “Did you shag or not? That’s all I’m asking.”

“Yes, we did.” Rogers cheeks flushed. “He said he loved me, Fred.”

“Aww.” Freddie grabbed his cheeks and squished them. “You are just so precious.”

“You said the same thing about John and Jim.” Roger rolled his eyes.

“Jealousy isn’t a good look for you, dear.” Freddie teased. “I’m happy for you, love, I am.”

“You don’t sound so sure.” Roger frowned.

“No, no. I am.” Freddie sighed. “It’s just... Rog, you have a tendency to give your heart out and have it crushed. I’m concerned is all.”

“Brian... Bri wouldn’t do that, Freddie.” Rogers eyes fell to the shirt in his hands. “He said he loves me.”

“I love Brian, I think he is wonderful. He’s great with Lila and he has a promising future.” Freddie put a finger under Rogers chin to turn his face to meet his eyes. “But this is a lot and I just... I want you to be careful. With a baby in the mix, heartbreak will be even worse if...something happens.” He said cautiously, not wanting to anger the blond in front of him.

“Where is this even coming from? You’ve been pushing me to tell him my feelings!” Roger crossed his arms, a defensive look on his face.

“Yes, I know. Roger, I’m just telling you to be careful. I can’t stand to see you get hurt again.” Freddie sighed.

Roger frowned, looking away from him. “I’m scared too, Freddie.” He admitted.

“You are?” The older man frowned, looking at him curiously.

“Our deal is that he stays until the social worker is gone.” Roger said quietly. “And then afterwards he can leave. I’m scared he’ll actually leave me. Leave us.”

“You don’t think he really would, do you? He loves Lila too, Rog.” Freddie put a hand on his shoulder.

“I don’t know.” Roger swallowed. “But I guess we’ll just have to see.”

“You could ask him?” Freddie suggested.

“And drive him away?” Roger huffed.

“Or silence your concerns?” Freddie sighed. “Communication is key, darling. That’s why Jim and I are thriving. We tell each other everything.” His chest puffed with pride.

“Forget me, Fred.” Roger smiled a bit. “You really love him, don’t you?”

“More than I have any other person before.” Freddie admitted, his face glowing. “I want to marry him.”

“Are you going to propose?” Roger walked back over to the counter, a soft smile set on his face.

Sheepishly, Freddie dug in his pocket and pulled out a velvet box, flashing it to the blond.

“Oh, Freddie.” Roger grinned, moving over to hug him. “Guess both of our one night stand days are over.” He joked.

“Good riddance, I must say.” Freddie smiled. “I’m so happy, Rog.”

“When the hell did we grow up?” Roger hugged him tighter, chuckling softly.

“You have a baby and I’m about to be engaged. I never thought I’d see the day.” Freddie laughed.

“Well, she’s not mine.” Roger pulled away, frowning slightly.

“Oh, hush.” Freddie messed up his hair. “You’re as much of a father as anyone else. You love and care for that little girl better than most men do.”

“I-I think I might adopt her, Freddie.” Roger said, looking up at him with uncertain eyes.

“That’s wonderful, dear!” Freddie smiled. “Have you talked to Brian about it yet?”

“No, the social worker mentioned that at the end of her visits that we’d be given the option. I want to. It’s what Clare would’ve wanted, I just know it.” Roger sighed. “But I’m afraid I’ll drive Brian away. I’m doing it with or without him, but...”

“You’re not ready for it to end.” Freddie looked at him with a frown. “Rog...”

“I just want it for a little bit longer, then I’ll talk to him. I promise.” Roger looked at him, a sad look on his face.

“Alright, darling. I’m here for you either way.” Freddie said, pulling him in for another hug. “Go ahead and go home early. I’ll close tonight.”

“Thanks, Freddie.” Roger gave him a small smile before collecting his things and calling a goodbye over his shoulder.

He got into his car and drove him, parking in the driveway and heading inside.

The moment he walked in, he heard soft humming coming from the lounge. He followed the sound and was met with a heart melting sight.

Brian sat on the couch, his eyes closed contently with a sleeping Lila cradled in his arms, humming a soft tune with a smile on both of their faces.

Roger smiled softly, walking over to him and pushing the hair out of his face before brushing their lips together delicately.

“Hi.” Brian whispered softly, a smile permanently etched on his face.

“Hi.” He smiled back, taking Lila gently from his arms. “I’ll put her to bed.”

“Meet me back here?” Brian asked, a hopeful smile on his face.

“You can count on it.” Roger grinned, taking the little girl upstairs and laying her in her crib.

Gazing down at her sleeping form, he knew he was making the right decision.

He just hoped that Brian would support him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my house is haunted, it is confirmed and now I'm scared 🙃
> 
> Anyway, if you have any suggestions for fluff or angst or anything else leave them here and I'll do my best to include it!
> 
> Peace ✌🏻


	15. Mr. May

_ **October 17, 2019** _

"Lila, no!"

"Flower, please, don't rip that off the hanger!"

"Lilac Winifred Taylor, stop sticking your fingers in the outlets!!"

Roger grabbed the small girl, setting her up on the counter beside the register.

"Flower, you are being so bad. You made me use a parent voice." Roger sighed, looking up to see a customer come in just as Lila's bottom lip began to tremble.

"No, no! Don't cry! Shhh." Roger picked her up and tried rocking her. "Everything's alright. Shh."

Lila began screaming even louder. Roger felt the headache blossoming in the center of his forehead.

"It's not very professional to bring an infant into work." An older woman remarked, a snide look on her face.

Roger felt his blood boil. If having an angry baby screaming in his ear wasn't enough, now he had an old lady offering an opinion nobody asked for.

"If you don't like it, then get out." He glared.

"Looks like you just lost my business." The lady sneered. "I want to speak to a manager. You should be fired."

"No manager." He scoffed. "You're talking to the _owner_."

"I'll be giving you a one star on yelp, just so you know!" She yelled as she stormed to the door.

"Oh, how tragic!" Roger shouted back, rolling his eyes.

Lila screamed louder, tears streaming down her chubby cheeks as Roger sighed.

"_Why do you build me up, Buttercup, baby, just to let me down and mess me around_?" Roger sang softly, bouncing her as he swayed along to his own singing. _"And then worst of all you never call, baby, when you say you will but I love you still."_

Lila's crying slowed down to quiet hiccups as she rested her head on Roger's chest.

_"I need you more than anyone, darlin', you know that I have from the start, so build me up, __buttercup, don't break my heart..._" He sighed, smoothing back her dark curls and kissing her damp cheek.

"Papa..." Lila looked up at him with teary eyes, smiling at him.

"I love you, flower." He smiled, kissing her nose.

"Oooh!" She giggled. "Ooh, papa!"

Roger smiled softly, grabbing a tissue off the counter and wiping her face off.

"Let's close up early and go home." He said, walking to the door and flipping the sign closed. "Bri should be getting home soon."

"How old is she?"

Roger jumped at the sudden voice behind him. He had to bite back a curse when he turned to see a teenage girl smiling up at him.

"I'm sorry?" He frowned.

The young girl laughed, covering her mouth. "I asked how old she is."

"Oh, uh, she's a year old. About sixteen months." Roger smiled, lifting her up on his hip.

"My baby cousin is sixteen months!" The girl grinned. "I'm Lucy."

"I'm Roger and this is Lila." Roger lifted up her little hand and waved it to the teen. He was grateful she didn't mention it when the toddlers middle finger shot up in her new favorite greeting.

"You're daughter is so cute! She looks just like you." Lucy gushed. "I'm guessing you don't have a babysitter since she came to work with you?"

Roger smiled down at her and nodded. "Thank you. And no, I don't. My uh, her other dad is at an important work meeting so I had to bring her in."

Lucy dug through her purse and quickly wrote her name and number down. "I babysit after school and on the weekends." She said, handing him the note.

He took it with a grin. "Thank you, Lucy. We'll be sure to give you a call."

"Okay!" Lucy beamed up at him. "Thank you, Roger! I'll see you around!" She said, practically bouncing out the door.

"Bye, Lucy." He chuckled before looking down at Lila. "Oh, so now you're quiet?"

She only screamed in response.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"You're home early." Brian walked in the front door, shrugging off his coat.

"Some old bitch came in during one of Lila's tantrums, called me unprofessional and said she was leaving a one star review on yelp." Roger snorted.

"Who even read yelp reviews?" Brian chuckled.

"Old bitches, apparently." Roger grinned, walking over to him and wrapping his arms around his neck. "How was the meeting?"

"Oh, it was great! They told me a teaching position opened up at the secondary school down the street and they want me to take it. I told them I would." Brian beamed down at him, his arms wrapping around his waist and pulling him closer.

"That's amazing!" Roger leaned up to peck his lips. "That's what you wanted, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is. Until I get my PhD in a few months, then I'll be able to move up to leading my own studies. I'll have classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. A little bit of work from home, but other than that, I'm all yours." Brian grinned.

"I like the sound of that." Roger smirked, twisting the taller man's tie in his hand.

"Oh, do you?" Brian cocked an eyebrow, a smirk pulling at his lips as well.

"Dadadada!!" Lila screamed, crawling over to him and pulling herself up on his leg. "Up!"

Brian chuckled, lifting her up and kissing her cheek. "Were you good today?"

"Yes!" Lila beamed while Roger scoffed.

"Liar."

"Wonder where she gets that from." Brian joked.

"Watch yourself, May." Roger chuckled. "She flipped a teenager off."

"Now, I wonder who could've taught her that." Brian rolled his eyes and smiled.

"Probably Freddie." Roger chuckled. "So when do you start?"

"Thursday. It's a two hour long class, then I'll have to go to the college for my own classes." Brian explained.

Roger nodded, leaning his head on the taller man's chest. "Should we go get some dinner, I don't wanna cook." He looked up at him with a tiny grin.

"First of all, yes." Brian chuckled. "Second, I'm the one that cooks."

"All technicalities, Bri." Roger shrugged. "Then after, we should go to the store. Lila's beginning to grow out of her clothes."

"It's getting close to Halloween too, shouldn't we get her a costume?" Brian looked over at him, grabbing the diaper bag.

"Oh, shit. You're right." Roger sighed. "I completely forgot about that."

"What do you normally do on Halloween?" Brian cocked an eyebrow.

"Well..." Roger cleared his throat. "Freddie and I always go to a party, drink as much as we can, and take someone home. So..."

"As much fun as that sounds, it might be better for when Lila's a bit older." Brian chuckled.

"Yeah, around two and a half?" Roger joked. "She could party then."

"Perfect." He laughed, putting the diaper bag over his shoulder. "Ready to go?"

"I'm driving!" Roger yelled, grabbing Lila and running out the door.

By the time Brian go out, Roger was buckling her into the seat, cooing softly at her.

"You softie." Brian smiled, coming up behind him and kissing his cheek.

"Oh, shut it." He chuckled, kissing Lila's forehead before shutting the door and turning to Brian. "You're a softie too."

"Mmm." He hummed in response, leaning down to kiss him softly.

"Going somewhere, neighbors?"

They broke apart to see their neighbor, Paul, watering the flowers outside his house.

"No, we just like sitting in the car." Roger answered sarcastically.

"Be nice..." Brian muttered, opening the driver side door for him.

"Fine." Roger rolled his eyes, getting in the car. "Fucking pervert Paul." He grumbled, earning a chuckle from the curly haired man.

The older man followed suit, getting into his side and buckling up.

After a quick dinner, they headed to a small, locally owned baby store. The clothes were a bit expensive, but Roger insisted that Lila be dressed well and not in cheap sweatshop made clothing.

Brian admired the way he thought, so he didn't mind too much the price tag on some of the things Roger picked out.

"What should she be?" He heard Roger ask as he held up a few costume choices, Lila strapped to his chest making grabby hands at the clothing.

"Hm?" Brian blinked, smiling at the happy baby.

"Okay, so there's a pumpkin, deer, or a cat." Roger grinned. "I think the deer one is good, it's the warmest and she'd look adorable."

"Deer it is!" Brian nodded, taking the costume and putting it in the basket. "Winter coat?"

"She'll need a new one. Her other one was from when she wasn't even a year old." Roger slipped into the winter section, bouncing Lila along the way.

Lila squealed and grabbed at a bright pink, sparkly coat. It was lined with faux fur and looked outrageous.

Roger _loved_ it.

"Really? That one?" Brian cocked an eyebrow.

"It's what she wants." He grinned, throwing it in the basket after finding her size. "So it's what she gets."

"You're a spoiled little one, aren't you?" Brian chuckled, poking her nose as she giggled loudly.

"Just wait until you see all the stuff Freddie's making for her." Roger said over his shoulder.

"Uncle Freddie's crazy." Brian chuckled. "We have one more stop after this."

"Oh?" The blond looked at him, tilting his head in confusion.

"Jewelry store." Brian explained further, walking them up to the register.

"I'm still lost, Bri. What the hell do we need from the jewelry store?" Roger frowned.

"You'll see." Brian grinned, setting the basket up on the counter.

"Ugh." Roger groaned impatiently as the woman scanned the items.

"Aw, is she going as a little deer?" She grinned at them.

"Duh!" Lila squealed.

"She's trying to say deer." Brian chuckled.

"She's adorable." She smiled, putting the items in a bag. "Surrogate? She looks just like him!"

"No, we stole her." Roger shrugged, snickering when the lady's face fell.

"He's kidding. We did... use, uh, that method." Brian cleared his throat. "Rog, don't be an ass."

"Assssss!" Lila squealed out, causing Roger to let out a loud laugh.

"That's your fault this time, dear." Roger grinned. "Now she says hi, bye, papa, dada, and ass." He said with a laugh as Brian just shook his head.

"Well, at least she's talking well!" The woman laughed, shaking her head.

"She's still not walking yet." Roger chuckled. "You say ass, but you can't stand up by yourself and take a step?"

"Papa!"

"Yeah, yeah. Papa me when you can walk, lazy girl." He chuckled, tickling under her chin.

"You'll be missing the crawling days before you know it. Once they walk, you'll never get a peaceful moment." She smiled.

"We can handle it. Right, Bri?" Roger nudges him, his smile widening when Brian nodded.

"Of course. We're a great team." Brian smiled, wrapping an arm around the blond as they payed. 

"Thank you, ma'am." Roger nodded to the woman with a grin and walked out of the store, Brian following close behind with the bags.

Roger opened the car door, quickly setting Lila down buckling her into her car seat before getting in the passengers seat with a grin.

"Now why the hell are we going to a jewelry store?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"It's so ugly. We have to get it."

"Why would you want the ugly one?" Brian snorted.

"Because, I told the social worker how beautiful it was and- God, imagine the look on her face if she saw this!" Roger laughed, flashing the ring at Brian.

Between the nasty yellow of the fake gold and fake pink -_heart shaped_\- diamond, it was quite possibly the ugliest thing Brian had ever seen.

"It matches my shoes." Roger grinned. "I love it, please? It's not like it's a real engagement ring. I'll wear it once a month and then give it to Freddie. Or perhaps John."

"You really think John would keep that thing?" Brian laughed.

"No, but imagine the look on his face when I give it to him." Roger smirked.

"Okay, okay. Fine." He gave in the second Roger batted his eyelashes at him.

Brian paid for the cheap ring, only costing about twelve pounds. Every penny was worth Roger's overly-happy smile.

All in all, the ring looked like it came out of a child's dress up kit or perhaps an elderly lady's jewelry box. But mostly, it looked as if it was found in the garbage.

And Roger fucking loved it.

"Now Cassidy can get off our ass about the ring." Roger grinned, getting in the car.

"Thank god for that." Brian chuckled, watching Roger slip the ring in his pocket. "You didn't want to wear it?"

"No, it's ugly." Roger smirked. "I only have to wear it when Cassidy's over."

"Why didn't she get on me about it too?" Brian tilted his head. "Shouldn't we both have rings?"

"Does she...?" Roger gaped. "Why does everyone think I'm the girl?! There is no girl in this relationship." He huffed, crossing his arms.

"It's because you're pretty?" Brian smiled, nudging him. "I'll get a ring too, okay?"

"Okay." Roger sighed, a smile pulling at his lips. "Can I-"

"I'm not letting you pick it out." Brian snorted.

"Rude."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Bri- Brian!! Hurry!!"

"What?" Brian called from the bathroom upstairs, his face covered in shaving cream as he was getting ready for his first day of work.

"Hurry!! Lila just stood up! By herself!! She's going to walk!!"

Brian dropped his razor in the sink. "Distract her! Stall her!" He quickly grabbed his camera and ran down the stairs, a foam beard still on his face.

His face fell when he saw a sheepish Roger sitting next to a now-sobbing Lila, who was sat on the floor as well.

"What happened?" Brian frowned.

"You said stall her...so I kinda pushed her a bit." Roger admitted, pulling her into his lap. "Then she got mad and started crying."

"Great, now she'll never walk!" Brian sighed.

"Don't be dramatic." Roger rolled his eyes and stood her up, only for her to collapse into a full tantrum.

They watched as she screamed to her full lung capacity, kicking her legs wildly.

"I meant pick her up or something!" Brian crossed his arms, yelling over the loud screaming.

"Or something is pretty vague, Bri! I panicked!" Roger shouted back. "Just give her a minute!"

The two men watched until she closed her mouth, staring up at them with wide eyes.

"Hi." She said, pulling herself up on Brian's leg and wiping her face on his pants.

"Hi." Brian chuckled, leaning down to pick her up.

"Don't do it."

He looked up to see a wide eyed Roger with his hands up to stop him.

"Why?.."

"She won't walk if you hold her, you numpty." Roger chuckled, standing up from the ground and moving away from them. "Keep her there for a second."

Brian cocked an eyebrow in confusion, but held her in place anyway.

"Okay, Lila, come to me!” Roger smiled, putting his arms out to catch her if she fell.

“You can do it, baby girl.” Brian cooed, letting go of her arms and lifting the camera to catch the moment.

Lila looked at Roger with a bit of uncertainty. This was far from the first time they’d tried to get her to walk, but it was the first time she didn’t immediately sink into crawling position.

Roger smiled, his eyes staying on the small child in front of him as she looked between him and Brian.

“Papa!” She squealed, smiling over at the younger man.

Both Roger and Brian’s smiles widened as she lifted her foot and took a step forward.

She giggled loudly, taking another step before falling into Roger’s arms, only to be lifted into the air and peppered with kisses from both men.

“You did so good, flower!” Roger beamed, ruffling her dark curls.

“You did!” Brian smiled, wrapping an arm around Roger and pulling them both into a hug after shutting the camera off. “Absolutely amazing.”

Lila let out a few happy babbles, leaning into Brian while still gripping the fabric of Roger’s shirt. 

Roger chuckled, realizing Brian still had a thick layer of shaving cream on his face.

“You might want to take care of that, Bri.” Roger chuckled, scooping up a bit with his finger and wiping it on the taller man’s nose.

“I don’t want to leave and go to work.” Brian pouted. “I want to stay with both of you.”

“How about we meet you for lunch after school?” Roger suggested, a smile on his face.

“Sounds perfect.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

He absolutely hated leaving that morning. He hated watching Roger wave from the window as Lila threw another tantrum as she usually did when one of them left. He hated the sound of the cries and the feeling of guilt at not being with his family.

_Family_.

It was strange to think, but it was true. Brian, Roger, and Lila were now a family. Not that they hadn’t been before, but it was more prominent now that they were together and raising her.

Brian shook himself out of his thoughts as students began entering the room and taking their seats.

His name was written neatly on the board for the teens to see, along with a few astronomical decorations he’d put up around the room.

It was an astrophysics class, after all.

However, the stars and planets hanging up around the room were not his favorite decorations in the room.

His favorite was the small picture frame that sat on his desk, the picture of himself, Roger, and Lila on her first birthday. Every time his eyes wandered to the picture, he felt the warmth pool in his stomach.

Another wave of happiness crashed over him when he opened his briefcase to find a small note written in Rogers curly handwriting.

‘_Have a great first day, Mr. May :)_

_P.S. You’ll have a great night too ;)_

_P.P.S. I love you! xo_

_P.P.P.S. Lila loves you too :)_

_-Rog_’

Brian smiled softly at the note, putting it in the breast-pocket of his suit, above his heart, before turning to face the class. 

He didn’t know if his life could get any better than this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent over an hour looking at baby costumes on google for this chapter...
> 
> Anyway! Hope you liked it!
> 
> Peace ✌🏻


	16. Three Sounds Nice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠️WARNING⚠️ 
> 
> Brief description of a panic attack/panic attack like symptoms 

_Shattered glass. _

_Crushed metal._

_Blood._

_Screaming._

Brian watched the ambulance lights come around the corner, the wetness of blood filling his hands and staining his shirt.

He wanted to scream, but nothing came out. The harder he cried, the less he could hear going on around him. A ringing in his ears made him want to slap his hands over them, but he couldn't move.

The car seat was filled with the crying child as a limp body laid on the pavement, the shattered windshield surrounding him. His cornflower hair was now coated in deep crimson and his eyes were dull, lifeless, and grey.

"_He's gone_."

The words echoed through his mind. The deafening shrill of the sirens in his ears.

"_He's dead._"

Brian woke up with a gasp, hot tears streaming down his face as he looked around to realizing Roger was cupping his cheeks with concern etched into his face.

"Bri, calm down, it was just a nightmare..." He said softly, stroking his cheek.

Brian looked into his eyes before breaking into heart wrenching sobs, Roger pulled him close against his chest as the tears soaked through his t-shirt.

"Don't leave me, please don't leave me..." Brian cried, his hands gripping the fabric of Roger's shirt. "Don't leave..."

"I'm not going anywhere, Bri, I swear." Roger pulled away and wiped the tears off his face. "It's okay. You're okay, I'm okay, and Lila's okay."

Brian nodded shakily, his breathing still uneven. He tried to calm himself by gripping the blond tighter.

Feeling his grip tighten, Roger held him closer as he pushed the sweat soaked curls out of his face before pressing a sweet kiss on Brian's damp lips.

"Want to talk about it?" He asked softly, his hand still stroking his slightly matted hair.

"Crash..." Brian sniffled, leaning into his touch. "I-I crashed and you flew out the windshield. You died and-" He broke down into a fit of sobs yet again, pulling the younger man closer.

"Shhh, baby, it's okay." Roger soothed, rubbing his back gently. "I'm right here, I'm alive."

Brian felt his chest getting tight as his breathing became even more labored. His heart pounded hard and fast as the tears streamed down his face.

He couldn't breathe, he couldn't move. It felt as if he was chained up and water was rising above his head. He was drowning. The weight on his chest kept increasing as he tried to breathe. Brian's panicked gaze searched around the room, raspy breaths filling the silence of the night.

"Feel." Roger took Brian's hand and placed it on his own chest, blue eyes locked on hazel. "My heart is still beating, Bri. Focus on it. Breathe in."

Brian took in a shaky breath, his eyes still swimming with tears.

"Okay, now breathe out." Roger instructed, giving him a small smile as he exhaled and did it a few more times until he finally calmed down.

Brian sighed as Roger wiped away his tears, handing him a tissue to blow his nose.

"Thank you..." He rasped, his throat feeling hoarse and dry from crying so much. He blew his nose and wiped at his eyes before tossing the tissue in the bedside trashcan. "What time is it?" He asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Four twenty-three." Roger yawned, wrapping his arms around Brian and laying them back down.

"Saturday?"

"Mhm." Roger leaned up and kissed his chin. "You feel better?"

Brian nodded, leaning down to bury his face in Rogers hair. Breathing him in, his body relaxed.

He was here.

He was okay.

He was alive.

"I get them too sometimes." Roger admitted quietly. "I dreamt I fell holding Lila and landed on her during the first few nights."

"Is that why you slept in her nursery?" Brian asked, looking at him with a small frown as the younger man nodded.

"I've had them about you, Lila, and sometimes, even about Clare and Matt." Roger sniffled quietly. "The only difference is when I wake up, I can go and see you. I can go and hold Lila. But with them...I can't do anything."

"I know..." Brian nodded, understanding on his face. "I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you right now. Everything has been so hard without them and...I couldn't imagine doing this alone."

"Me neither, Bri." Roger sighed, rubbing the unshed tears away from his eyes. "You and Lila are the only things keeping me grounded right now."

Brian pulled him closer, burying his face in the smaller man's shoulder.

"We should try and get some sleep." Roger rasped out, sniffling softly.

"Promise you'll stay?" Brian swallowed, the idea of the blond being anywhere but in his arms was unbearable.

"I'll always stay, Bri." Roger smiled softly, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. "Now let's stop being sappy shits and go to sleep before Lila wakes us up."

"Night, Rog." Brian huffed a slight laugh, nodding and pulling the younger man closer.

"Mmm." He hummed in response, burying his face in the older man's chest before drifting back to sleep.

Brian looked over at the clock, sighing as he read it was five in the morning at that point. He stroked Roger's hair, kissing his head before closing his eyes.

"I love you, Roger..." He whispered gently, his heart fluttering when Roger smiled in his sleep.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Absolutely not."

"Mr. Taylor, it'll be sensational. All the hip teens will want to come in! You'll make more money!"

Roger looked over to Freddie, who rolled his eyes.

"We are a locally owned shop. We're not putting a fucking Starbucks in. Sorry, but no." Roger crossed his arms, a scowl set on his face.

"What about you, Mr. uh...Mercury?" The man asked, an unamused look on his face.

"Sorry, darling, but we're a team. I agree, it may raise the amount of customers coming in, but it will decrease the look and feel of our store." Freddie sighed, shaking his head.

"Not to mention that your cooperation is looking to take over half of our profit. Right, John?" Roger looked over to the meek man sitting beside him.

"Yes. I read through the documents and though it's worded to try and trick them, we caught on to it." John scoffed. "The shops profits have raised sixty percent in the past year alone. You need them, they don't need you."

The man's face was tinged red as he stood up, slamming his hands down. "You're absolutely stupid to walk away from this!"

"Oh! But, dear, you're stupid to suggest it." Freddie stood up, wrapping an arm around John. "Now, we must be going. Our shop awaits us."

With a flick of the wrist, Freddie waved him off and led the other two men out of the conference room.

"Thanks again for pretending to be our lawyer, Deaks." Roger grinned. "Very convincing, by the way."

"Eh, well, Ronnie said I should get out more." He shrugged with a sheepish smile.

"Well, she's right. Rog and I are heading to the pub tonight and you're coming with us." Freddie ruffled his hair. "I refuse to take no as an answer, we are neighbors and now you're in our best friend group."

"Brian's coming too." Roger added, a small grin still resting on his lips.

"Who's watching Lila?" Freddie asked, raising an eyebrow at the younger blond.

"This teenager, Lucy Bouillon-Cube or something?" Roger shrugged. "She gave me her number and I talked to her parents. She seems like a good kid, goes to the school Brian teaches at! And she's in his class."

"Bitch, I'm still you're first choice for babysitter." Freddie nudged him.

"Well, yeah. You do it for free." Roger smirked. "Cheap and easy."

"Wasn't that your nickname in University?" Freddie smirked back when Roger face fell into a grumpy pout.

"True, but not fair."

"A-Actually, I'd like to come... If you don't mind..." John smiled nervously.

"The more the merrier!" Freddie grinned. "Now, Rog, go get your fake husband and meet us at Oscars Pub at six!"

"Alright, we'll be there." Roger snorted, getting in his car.

"If you're late, I'm going to assume you and Brian stood us up to shag." Freddie tapped the window with a Cheshire smile.

"Piss off, or I might do that." Roger smirked, starting the car and pulling away.

Upon entering the house, he saw Lila running back and forth while screaming at the top of her lungs and Brian sat in the lounge, his face filled with utter disbelief and disappointment.

"I've been gone for an hour and you look three seconds away from jumping off the roof." Roger chuckled, snatching Lila up and kissing her cheek before setting her in the playpen.

"I'm reading student emails... I've read thirteen different emails asking when we'll cover Horoscopes. Another twelve asking if I'm married and how old I am." Brian ran a hand over his face.

"Even I know that astrology and astronomy are two different things. Little dumbasses." Roger rolled his eyes.

Brian's lips quirked up into a small smirk at his words, humming thoughtfully, he took a sip of his tea.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing... You're just...a little jealous?" Brian snickered.

"I am not!" Roger crossed his arms, a pout very clear on his face. "Though, you better not start getting with your students or I'll..."

"Three things. First of all, that's illegal and I can't do that or I'll be fired." Brian chuckled, standing up and disregarding the papers he was grading to wrap his arms around the smaller man. "Second of all, it's all girls and I'm gay."

"Third of all?" Roger looked up at him, head tilted.

"Third of all, I only want you, not any teenage girls." Brian grinned, leaning down to kiss him. Roger melted into his arms, pressing their bodies together.

"Damn right you do." Roger chuckled, his hands gripping at Brian's shirt.

Brian hummed into to kiss, his hands moving farther down his back and pulling their hips together.

"We've got to be at Oscars by six." Roger muttered against his lips.

"Mmm."

"We've got four hours." Roger pulled away, looking at a sleepy eyed Lila. "And someone's going for a nap soon." He smirked.

Brian's face lit up with realization. "I'll go put her down, meet me in the bedroom."

"Eager much?" He laughed, picking up the tired toddler who immediately slumped against his shoulder.

"Very much so." Brian smiled, kissing Lila's head and then pecking Roger's lips before taking her in his own arms and making his way up the stairs.

Roger chuckled before climbing the stairs and going into their bedroom. He laid down in the bed and waited for Brian to return.

By the time Brian had successfully gotten Lila to sleep, he made his way into the bedroom to find Roger snuggled up under the blankets, fast asleep. He smiled softly and climbed in next to him, pulling his back against his chest and closing his eyes.

A nap would be nice too.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"A four hour nap?" Freddie scoffed, shaking his head. "When did you two get so old?"

The pub was empty besides the four men and a few staff. They all sat at the bar, nursing their drinks. Brian decided to stay sober as he was the one to drive there.

"Hey! I had every intention of staying awake, but I got cold and got under the covers! The whole thing solidified as soon as Brian cuddled with me." Roger pouted.

"He was passed out before I even went to the room. Besides, we needed it anyway. I was exhausted." Brian shrugged.

"With the new baby coming, Ronnie and I try to nap as much as we can." John sipped his beer. "I'm so tired."

"Buddy, they make things so that every time you shag, you don't end up with another kid." Roger patted his back. "Do we need to bring out the condom and banana demonstration?"

"Ronnie's catholic. Hardcore catholic. Pope whatshisface said any contraceptive use of condoms is evil, and neither of us has any STDs..." John sighed, shaking his head.

"What's the American show? The one with the weird white family that has like twenty kids?" Roger giggled to himself. "Deaky, keep it up and we'll get a British version with you and Ronnie."

Freddie cackled, covering his mouth before he sputtered his drink everywhere.

"Why don't you just pull out before you-"

"It's not that easy sometimes, Roger." John's face flushed bright red as Brian choked on a small pretzel.

"Oh my god." Brian bit his lip to contain his laughter, Roger didn't bother stifling his own and just openly laughed.

"Don't you misfire after this one, Johnny, you'll get baby number four!" Freddie giggled, bumping his shoulder into John's.

"I think he's gonna end up with at least twelve at the rate he's going." Roger snorted.

"At least six, I think." Brian chuckled.

"Ronnie wants four." John said, finishing off his beer.

"How many do you want?" Roger asked.

"I just want some sleep." John sighed.

"What about you, Rog?" Freddie asked, grinning.

"Well, I never planned on having any." Roger shrugged.

"Really?" Brian raised his eyebrows.

"Yes! What is this? The woman's institute? Why are we talking about this?" Roger crossed his arms.

"Rog, dear, you started the conversation." Freddie snorted. "I always figured you'd accidentally get someone pregnant."

"Well, I didn't." Roger shrugged.

"That you know of." John quipped, an amused smile on his face.

"Damn, Deaks. Spare me a bit." Roger rolled his eyes, chuckling to himself. "I was always very careful and used the evil condoms."

"I'm perfect with my cats. They're all my babies. Plus, I've got Lila and Deakys babies to fill my life." Freddie threw back the rest of his drink. "Though, Jim wants one."

"I'd like three." Brian shrugged. "Maybe two."

"Where the hell are you going to find those?" Roger frowned.

"Shopping carts." Brian said dryly, a look of annoyance flickering over his face.

"Alright, dears. This conversation should take place where you can scream at each other and have your crazy make up sex in the comfort of your own home." Freddie patted them both on the shoulder, noticing the annoyance rising between the two.

"Fine." Brian grunted, Roger huffing and throwing back his drink.

"Besides, you both have one child now, of whom you love dearly." Freddie flicked Roger who sighed, looking over to Brian before pulling him away to the corner of the pub.

"Sorry, Bri." Roger bit him lip, fiddling with his hands. "I never thought I'd have any kids because I never thought I'd really ever settle down. I couldn't imagine myself with one particular person before." He admitted quietly, staring at the ground.

"Really?" Brian frowned, looking down at the fidgeting man.

"Usually, I attract people like Sam and I'd kiss go for them. You could say 'asshole' is often my type. Who'd want to bring a kid into a relationship that was probably just going to fail?" The younger man sighed, the alcohol loosening his lips and allowing his thoughts to flow freely.

"What about now?" Brian took a step closer, tilting his head.

"Now, I'm the asshole."

"No." The older man put his hand on Roger's shoulder, squeezing it gently. "You're not, Rog. It's a bit early to have those conversations anyway."

Roger nodded, moving closer to lay his head on Brian's chest. "Want to go home?"

"Yeah, it's nearly Lila's bedtime." Brian wrapped his arm around him, holding him closer.

"Then we can finish what we started earlier." Roger smirked up at him. "I'm not drunk."

"You are, a little." Brian chuckled, kissing his forehead.

"You drive home, okay?" Roger yawned.

"Course." Brian smiled, leading him back over to the bar.

"We're heading home, mate." Roger patted Freddie's back, grinning over at John. "Bye, Deaks."

John and Freddie smiled, waving them off as the two men shuffled out of the building and to the car.

Upon arriving home, Roger slipped twenty pounds to Lucy before him and Brian went to kiss Lila goodnight. He smiled as the older man climbed the stairs to put her to bed.

"Thank you, Lucy." Roger smiled, putting his wallet back in his pocket.

"It was no problem at all!" Lucy grinned. "She was absolutely perfect."

"No tantrums then?" Lucy shook her head. "Good" The older man smiled, leading her to the front door.

"Goodnight, Roger!" Lucy called, waving to him as she walked to her fathers car.

"Night, Lucy. Thanks again!" Roger grinned before shutting the door and kicking off his shoes. He stumbled his way upstairs to find Brian already in bed with a book. The older man looked up with a soft smile.

"Hey."

"Hi." Roger grinned, plopping down next to him and snuggling into his side. "I don't think I'm drunk anymore."

"You smell like you are." Brian chuckled.

"There's more liquor downstairs."

"Oh, is there now?" Brian cocked an eyebrow as he looked at the tipsy blond. His blue eyes were sparkling as he grinned widely at him.

"Wanna get drunk and make out?" Roger asked, a smirk pulling at his lips as he sat up on the bed.

"Do we really want to be hungover tomorrow?" Brian asked him, putting his book on the side table and smiling amusedly at his boyfriend.

"It's Sunday tomorrow and we have Paracetamol." Roger shrugged.

"Tomorrow is a Halloween party that you begged me to go to." Brian chuckled. "But we can still make out?"

"Fine, I'll take that." Roger smirked, rolling on top of the older man and straddling his legs before leaning down to press their chests together. Nose to nose, Roger grinned. "Hi."

"Hi." Brian laughed, cupping his cheeks and pressing their lips together. He started slowly, gently moving their lips together, before deepening the kiss further.

Before Roger knew it, he was on his back, a smirking Brian hovering above him. The blond stared up at him, biting his lip before Brian was kissing him again.

He cursed himself for wearing his leather pants, as they both struggled to get the tight things off his legs.

The fell into a small fit of chuckles when Roger’s foot got stuck in the pant leg, Brian yanking the black, sticky fabric off with a grunt.

“Next time, I’m cutting them off.” Brian huffed, moving to kiss the smaller man yet again before Roger pushed his chest lightly.

“Cut my pants, I’ll cut your hair.” Roger deadpanned.

“Got it.” Brian rolled his eyes, chuckling before moving his lips down to Roger’s neck.

Slowly, Brian pulled Roger’s shirt off and flung it across the room, moving to pull off his own shirt.

Getting lost in one another yet again, their lips smashed together. Roger was pressed into the mattress, eyes closed blissfully.

“Papa...”

The two men jumped apart at the tiny voice, looking at the tiny figure in the doorway.

Lila rubbed her eyes, making her way to the bed on wobbly legs. Her bottom lip was shaking with her arms extended upwards.

“Up...” Lila sniffled, a few tears falling down her cheeks.

“She climbed out of her crib?..” Roger looked at Brian, a small frown on his face as he nodded.

Roger sighed, getting out of bed to grab some pajama pants to slip on and a t-shirt before picking up the near-sobbing child. He rubbed her back until her cries died down.

“She’s a bit warm.” Roger said quietly, stroking her hair as she buried her face in his neck.

“Teething?”

“Probably. Run and grab some Motrin?” Roger asked, looking over at the taller man who stumbled over his own legs as he pulled on pajama pants.

The latter ran to the bathroom, grabbing the medicine bottle and the needle-less syringe and pulling out the correct dosage before putting it in her mouth.

“Shhh, it’s okay.” Brian muttered, pulling it out and setting the syringe on the dresser.

“You’re a bit of a cockblock, love.” Roger said softly, brushing back her hair.

“Don’t say that.” Brian chuckled, taking her from his arms. “I’ll get her back to bed.”

“Well, it’s true.” Roger shook his head, laughing softly before sitting on the bed and waiting.

After a few minutes, all filled with heartbreaking screams and sobs, Brian came back with Lila in his arms.

Lila, in all her tear-stained chubby-cheek glory, refused to get back into her crib.

It looked like there would just have to be three in the bed that night.

“What if we crush her?”

“We won’t, Rog.”

“...are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“...”

“...”

“...how?”

“We won’t. It’s either this or no one sleeps tonight.” Brian sighed, turning off the light and climbing into bed.

“Okay.” Roger crawled in next to them, Lila climbing onto his chest and resting her head above his heart.

“Papa...” Lila’s voice was soft, melting Roger’s heart.

“Shh, go to sleep. Love you, flower.” He whispered, gently rubbing her back.

Lila yawned before shutting her eyes and slowly drifting off.

“Hey, Bri?” He whispered, looking over to Brian who was gazing lovingly at the small girl.

“Hm?”

“I think three sounds nice.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I accidentally broke a cup dispenser at work today (I fixed it after) and one of the guys I work with told me “you’re lucky you’re pretty” 
> 
> Also had a customer yell at me that the soap in the bathroom “smells like women” and we need to change it lmao 
> 
> Anyway, I needed to rant lol
> 
> Peace ✌🏻 


	17. Sick Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As inspired by a comment recommending a sick Roger chapter! Kudos to you :)

_ **October 27, 2019** _

The morning was quiet, soft pitter-patters of tiny bare feet in the hallway.

Brian stretched, his eyes opening when a sudden weight was upon him. He broke into a grin when a large pair of blue eyes stared down at him.

"Dada." She said, seriously. Her dour expression causing laughter to bubble in Brian's chest.

"Are you hungry, Li?" Brian asked, receiving a dramatic nod.

"Yes." Lila hoped down from the bed, the patter of her feet on the hardwood floor yet again.

Brian smiled to himself, looking over to see Roger still fast asleep. He presses a soft his to his hair before getting out of bed and following the small girl.

He lifted he up before she could reach the stairs and undid the baby gate. Lila squealed as he walked down the stairs, her hands immediately moving to play with the fluffy curls atop his head.

"Shh, papa's still sleeping." Brian said softly, poking her nose and smiling as she giggled.

Him and Roger had decided to give up calling each other "uncle Rog" and "uncle Bri" as she had obviously imprinted on them. They'd also spoken to a new doctor, as they'd decided to drop Sam as her primary care doctor, who said they should let her call them as she wanted. She saw them as parental figures, at her stage of recognition, she understood them to be her own parents. It made life easier just to refer to themselves as what she called them.

Brian smiled when he recalled the misty-eyed look Roger got upon hearing that. The younger man had been touched by the sentiment, though they both felt the slight sadness that she would never remember her real parents.

He shook the thought from his mind, yawning quietly and placing the toddler in her seat.

Lila stared up at him with wide eyes before pointing to her tray with her middle finger high and proud, tapping the white plastic of said tray.

Brian cursed the sleeping blond for teaching her such habits before shaking his head with a chuckle.

"Say, 'please'."

"Peas." Lila smiled, her tiny voice and doe eyes melting the tall man's heart.

"Good job, honey." Brian grinned, kissing her forehead. "Eggs?"

"Yes!" Lila squealed, slamming her hands down on her tray.

Brian chuckled, grabbing a pan and setting it on the stove before starting the eggs. Moving away, he grabbed a sippycup from the cupboard and filled it with water before handing it to the giggling child.

She took a sip before frowning, scowling up at him and throwing it on the ground.

"Js.." Lila stared at him.

"No juice. Water." Brian sighed, giving the water back to her.

"Js!!" Lila threw the sippycup, a grumpy pout settling on her face.

"Dilute the apple juice with water."

Brian turned around to see a pale, sniffling Roger. His eyes were bloodshot and his voice was tougher than sandpaper.

"Rog, you sound like a gremlin." Brian frowned, putting the cup on the counter and walking to him. "You okay, love?"

"Thanks." Roger coughed into his arm before pressing against the taller man. "I don't feel good."

Brian frowned softly, lifting a hand to his forehead. "Mmm, you've got a fever, love."

Roger pouted up at him, his body shaking ever so slightly as chills ran through his body.

"It's okay, we'll set you up on the couch and I'll make you some soup and tea." He brushed Roger's hair back.

"Eggs." Roger rasped.

"No, soup." Brian shook his head. "You're sick, you need-"

"No, Bri! Eggs! They're burning!" Roger pointed at the smoking pan, the contents now nearly completely charred.

"Fuck!" Brian quickly got the pan off the stove and put it in the sink to cool down.

The room was filled with giggles from the sick man and now-smiling toddler.

"Didn't know you liked your eggs black, Bri." Roger chuckled, coughing into his elbow.

"Oh, hush. Let's lay you down." Brian sighed, leading him to the lounge.

"I like the sounds of that..." Roger smirked before sneezing loudly into his hand, a high pitched noise coming from him at the action.

"That was adorable." Brian chuckled, moving to grab a tissue for him to wipe his nose.

"Fuck off." Roger rasped, letting Brian cocoon him into the fluffy blanket they kept by the couch. He laid down, his head resting on a throw pillow. "Take care of Lila first, yeah?"

"You're sick." Brian argued, crossing his arms.

"She's a baby. And she's probably hungry since you cremated her eggs." Roger chuckled weakly, coughs interrupting his laughs. "Please?"

It was the doe eyes again, the one thing Brian could never resist.

"Okay." He sighed. "But yell for me if you need me. I'm still making you tea now."

"Thank you, Brimi." Roger smiled up at him, his eyes showing just how drained he was despite sleeping in.

"Mhm." Brian kissed his forehead. "I'll be back with some medicine in a bit."

As if on cue, Lila began screaming at a glass shattering pitch, causing the man on the couch to wince.

"Sorry, Rog." Brian frowned, pushing the hair out of his face before disappearing back into the kitchen.

Lila sat, screaming bloody murder with tears streaming down her cheeks until she spotted Brian. Upon seeing the tall man, she immediately stopped crying and stared at him, pointing to her tray.

"Pease."

Brian couldn't be mad if he tried.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Should I take you to the doctor?"

"Bri, it's just the flu..." Roger sniffled, looking up from his slumped position on the couch. His tea was a quarter way full abs soup hardly touched.

"People die from the flu." Brian pointed out, a stubborn look on his face.

"Christ, Bri!" Roger frowned.

"I'm just saying! Your throat is red and spotty, that's not normal!" Brian crosses his arms. "Please?"

"Ugh! Fine, but Lila is staying with Fred. I'm not having her get sick." Roger pouted.

He hadn't even been able to hold her today, he wasn't going to let her go into a disease infested doctors office!

"Freddie and Jim are in Ireland this weekend, Rog." Brian frowned.

"Fuck, call John." Roger coughed, a miserable groan escaping his lips.

Brian sighed, grabbing the phone and calling John.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Deaky." He greeted calmly, sitting beside the feverish man. "Are you and Ronnie busy?"

"Hmm, no. Not at the moment. Why?"

"Well, Rog is sick. We were wondering if you could watch Lila for a few hours while I take him to the clinic." Brian looked over at the miserable blond, smooshing his face into his side.

"Tell him yes! Tell him yes!" Her heard Veronica chanting in the background. "Tell him yes, goddammit!"

"Of course we can." John chuckled. "Calm down, dear."

"That baby is so fucking cute!" Veronica squealed. "Laura needs a friend."

"Well, great, thank you! I'll drop her off in about ten minutes, if that's alright?" Brian had to bite his lip to keep from chuckling at Veronica's exclamations. Lila was a pretty cute baby.

"Sounds great, Bri. See you soon." John chuckled as the line went dead.

"My throat hurts." Roger looked up with red, watery eyes.

"I know, love, we're going to get you better soon." Brian pecked his cheek before picking Lila up and grabbing the diaper bag. "I'll be back in fifteen minutes, okay?"

A few dramatic coughs later, Roger nodded and slumped into the couch. He watched as Brian disappeared out the door with the child before grabbing his phone and dialing his best friends phone number.

"Freddie, I'm dying."

"Oh, dear, you're sick?! You better not get your disease on my perfect godchild!" Freddie's voice shouted back at him, causing him to wince.

"No, Bri took her to John and Veronica's. He's so perfect, Freddie. He made me soup and tea and gave me a blanket." Roger nearly swooned as he spoke in his hoarse voice.

"Fevers make you loopy, darling." Freddie chuckled.

"I wanna marry him right now." Roger grinned. "Then I'm gonna let him fu-"

"You're on speaker phone in the car, lovie, say hello to Jim's parents!" Freddie quickly interrupted.

"Hi, parents." He muttered. "Anyway, as I was saying, I'm going to let him fu-"

"Jesus. I'll call you back in a bit, Rog! Feel better!" Freddie quickly hung up leaving Roger to cough pathetically to himself.

"Let me what?" Brian came in, eyebrow cocked with an amused grin.

"I'll show you when I've been cured of the Black Plague." Roger sat up, wrapping himself in the blanket before getting off the couch and moving to Brian.

The taller man immediately wrapped his arms around him and held him close. "Let's go and get you better then, love."

"Mmm, I like it when you call me that." Roger muttered into his chest.

"Hm? Love?"

"Mhm. A lot." Roger gave a little sniffle as the made their way to the car.

Brian smiled softly as he helped him get into the passengers seat, pressing a kiss to his hot forehead before shutting the car door.

"Where are you heading to, neighbors?" Paul asked from behind his bushes, holding a pair of barbecue tongs in his hands and a apron around his waist.

"Uh..." Brian glanced into the car to see his pale, watery eyed boyfriend rolling down the window.

"Fuck off Paul, we're not going to your fucking barbecue!" Roger rasped out.

Brian sighed, shaking his head before getting in the car, watching Paul glare at the blond.

"Why is he always peeking over the bushes?" Brian pulled out of the driveway, looking in the rearview to see Paul still standing in his yard and staring at them.

"Him and Freddie had a fling, and he wants him back so he's being a creep to us." Roger shrugged, pulling the blanket tighter around him.

"That makes no sense." Brian scoffed.

"Never said he was smart." Roger huffed a laugh, followed by a few harsh coughs.

"You poor thing." Brian frowned, rubbing his back as he coughed.

Roger sighed, slumping onto the older man's shoulder and closing his eyes. He remained silent for the rest of the ride, as his throat hurt too much to both speaking.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Hm, just as I thought." The doctor hummed, her hands pressing against the swollen lymph nodes under Roger's jaw after shining a light to see the back of the younger man's throat.

"I'm dying?" Roger joked, halfheartedly.

"Hardly." She chuckled. "You've got tonsillitis, Mr. Taylor. From the looks of it, you've had it quite a few times before."

"Usually strep." Roger frowned, crossing his arms.

"Well, I'm going to prescribe you some Penicillin and I suggest you take some fever reducer." She sighed, folding her hands over her lap. "And after the infection is gone, we should consider a tonsillectomy. The scar tissue is quite severe and it would be in your best interest."

Roger glanced at Brian, who in turn gave him a soft smile and squeezed his hand.

"And if I don't?" Roger swallowed, wincing at the pain.

"You'll likely continue getting strep and tonsillitis quite frequently." She gave him a soft smile. "Don't worry too much, it's a standard procedure and you'll be better in no time."

"Okay..." Roger bit his lip, leaning into the taller man beside him as the woman typed up the prescription.

"Alright, your prescription should be ready to pick up in about twenty minutes. You can make your follow up appointment as soon as the symptoms are gone. I hope you feel better soon, Mr. Taylor." She ushered them out, shaking their hands before shutting the door.

"I don't want surgery." Roger said quietly as they walked to the car.

"It'll help you, Rog." Brian wrapped an arm around him. "So you won't get sick like this again."

"But..." Roger sighed. "Okay."

"I know you're nervous, but really, it's nothing to worry about. She said it's an easy procedure and-"

"I know, Bri. I'll be okay." Roger got into the car, pulling the blanket up to his chin before staring out the window until Brian got in beside him. Upon putting on his seatbelt, Brian felt the weight of the blond pressing into his side and smiled softly.

He hated seeing him feel so ill, but he loved how affectionate he was being. Brian shook his head, Roger was always affectionate, but now he was just more cuddly. That was something Brian wouldn't ever complain about.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

One trip to the chemist and one trip to the grocery store for popsicles later, they pulled up outside the Deacon residency.

Roger stayed in the car, per Brian's request because "too many small children, you'll infect them all".

He watched as Brian finally emerged from the house, a plate of something Ronnie must've made in one hand and Lila propped up on his hip. The tall man quickly buckled Lila into the seat and kissed her forehead before getting into the drivers seat and pulling out of the driveway, two doors down to their own house.

Roger climbed out of the car and into the house, trailing behind Brian and Lila who were much faster than him at this point.

He was drained of all will to do anything, even just existing was a hassle. All he could think of doing was lying down and passing the hell out.

Which, luckily, Brian agreed as he set up the blankets on one of the couches and put on an old movie before leading him to lay down.

Roger didn't know if he'd ever loved him more than he did the moment Brian placed the blanket over him and helped him take his medicine before kissing his cheek.

They smiled softly at each other until a tiny cough was heard behind them and then a large gush.

Brian turned around to be met with a sick-covered toddler, who immediately looked paler.

_"Well, shit."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this chapters delay! I've been super tired lately and have only been able to write this in increments!
> 
> Anyway, hope you liked it!
> 
> Peace ✌🏻


	18. Halloween

"Stop."

"No!"

"Stay still!"

"No!!"

"Open your mouth!"

"I will not!"

"Roger, I swear to god!"

"Blasphemy!" The blond rasped, shoving the spoon of cough syrup away.

"You're an atheist!" Brian pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Agnostic, bitch." Roger crossed his arms before quickly covering his mouth to cough pathetically. Brian took the moment to try and shove the spoon into his mouth, quickly getting blocked by the younger man's hands. "Away!" He exclaimed.

"It's to help you! Lila took her medicine without any problem!" Brian put his hand on his hip, raising the spoon again.

"Lila's medicine is bubble gum flavor, mine is ass flavor!!" Roger wrinkled his nose. "Back up, motherfu-"

Brian shoved the spoon in his mouth and dumped the thick red substance in his mouth before pulling the spoon out and clamping a hand over his mouth firmly. "Swallow!"

Roger shook his head furiously, grunting like an angry horse.

"Swallow, now." Brian demanded, keeping his hand clamped over his mouth.

Roger glared at him and swallowed the liquid, grumpily pushing the older man away.

"Roger, you're sick. You have to take medicine to get better!" Brian ran a hand over his face and handed him a glass of water.

The blond crossed his arms, his face scrunched up in an angry fashion. His eyes were bloodshot and lined by dark bags, the man looking completely and utterly miserable.

"You have to get better for your surgery. It's already scheduled, love." Brian said with a sigh, frowning when Roger's face fell. He felt his heart crack at the sight of his bottom lip trembling. "Rog..."

"I-I don't want it, Bri." Roger swallowed painfully. "What if something goes wrong?"

Brian moved forward, cupping the younger man's cheeks. "That's very rare, love. It won't happen."

"I-I can't risk that. I can't leave Lila." A steady flow of tears poured down his face, a quiet sob escaping him as he threw his arms around Brian and cried into his shoulder. "I don't feel good and I'm scared... I just want it to stop." He said through his sobs.

"I know, baby, I know." Brian stroked his hair, pulling the younger man into his lap and cradling him like a child. "It'll be okay, soon you'll get better."

Roger rested his head on Brian's chest, the older man frowning when he felt the feverish heat through his shirt. Bringing a tender hand up to his sweaty hair, he stroked it soothingly as the younger man began calming down.

"I'm scared..." He repeated in a broken whisper. "I know it's not serious but, I'm just scared, Bri."

Brian hated this. He hated how two of the most important people in his life were both feeling awful, he hated the fear in Rogers eyes when he spoke of the surgery, and he hated how helpless he felt in the midst of everything.

The weight on his shoulders crushed him as he rubbed the younger man's back. He knew the risks full well by this point, the doctor calling to further diagnose him (as he also contracted bronchitis, which explained his coughing) and informing them of how age affects risk factor in even the smallest procedures, though only slightly. However, it was enough to scare the blond. He cursed the woman for bringing it up, but he knew it was only her job to say those things.

Wordlessly, he pulled the feverish blond against his chest and held him until his breathing evened out. He only hoped that when he woke up, he felt even just a little bit better.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

4:03am

After six different lullabies, Lila finally fell asleep after two hours of non-stop crying. He couldn't blame her for being fussy, as she was quite ill as well.

He stumbled out of the room, his eyes and body heavy with exhaustion from two days in a row of the same thing. Heaving a soft sigh, Brian climbed into bed with his boyfriend. Figuring he was still sleeping, Brian laid on his back and stared up at the ceiling, willing sleep to take him away from his stressful life.

That was until a hand flew to his face, touching him frantically.

"Bri?!" Roger whispered in a panicked fashion.

"I'm right here, love." Brian said softly, turning on his side to face the blond and letting him curl into the curve of his body like a kitten to a mother cat.

"Mmm, don't go to space." He mumbled tiredly before falling asleep once more, snuggling closer. Brian felt his forehead and confirmed that, yes, Roger was having fever dreams.

Again.

Slowly, he began to drift off into sleep, his body finally relaxing for the first time all day.

Until a bloodcurdling scream came from the nursery, promptly causing the older man to get out of bed and tend to the screaming toddler. Unwilling to play this game for hours on end, he brought the small girl into the bedroom and allowed her to sleep with them.

For the third night in a row.

He considered himself lucky when he got nearly four hours of sleep before being awoken by the small child once again. Looking over to Roger, he realized the younger man was way too out of it to wake up to anything short of an atomic explosion before getting out of bed with the small girl.

Brian sighed quietly, sitting her up on the counter and giving her the antibiotic their doctor prescribed. She seemed better, her fever had broke and the pink tinge was back in her chubby cheeks.

"Happy Halloween." A rough, raspy voice came from behind him. He turned around to see the grinning blond, bags dark under his eyes and the ever-lasting fever blush on his cheeks. He was definitely sick still, but he seemed to be feeling much better.

"Happy Halloween." Brian smiled tiredly, putting Lila back on the ground and watching her scurry away. "You're up early."

"Bed was cold." Roger shrugged, stepping closer to wrap his arms around the taller man. "I'm sorry I've been such a trouble lately. I'm feeling better today."

"You're not a trouble, love. You're sick. It's my job to take care of you." Brian held the blond close, rubbing comforting circles on his back.

"It's not fair to you." Roger sighed, looking up at him.

"You didn't ask to get sick, Rog. I'm sure you'd do the same for me." Brian pushed a piece of hair from his face. "Let's get you some breakfast and your medicine—don't fight me this time."

Roger nodded, unwrapping his arms from his boyfriend and sitting at the counter with a small frown.

"Still upset?" Brian questioned, preparing himself to launch into another speech about how much he loves him.

"I just really hate that fucking medicine." Roger snorted, resting his head on the counter while Brian measured out the nasty liquid.

Allowing him to spoon it into his mouth without a fight, the thick substance slipped down his throat and made him gag slightly. His eyes watered as he looked up to a smiling Brian.

"Good boy." He grinned, ruffling Roger hair.

"Thanks, dad." Roger snorted, reaching over to grab a glass of water to wash away the nasty remains of cough syrup before taking his antibiotic.

The taller man laughed, turning to finish up breakfast before speaking up again. "Think Lila is well enough to trick or treat tonight?"

"Hmm, her fevers gone and she seems fine. I think we can take her." Roger shrugged.

"We?"

Roger watched as he turned around, an eyebrow cocked. The blond crossed his arms, a frown on his face. "I'm taking her too."

"Rog, you hardly over being sick." Brian sighed. "No, you'll only make yourself worse."

"It's her first Halloween with us!" He rasped, his eyes narrowing at the taller man.

"You're too sick, Roger. I'll take her. Maybe Freddie can come over and-" 

Roger shook his head, putting a hand up to silence him. "I don't care. I promised I'd be a parent to her and that means taking her around the neighborhood and showing her cute ass off and getting candy she can hardly even eat. She's one, Bri. It's not like we're walking a thousand miles." He rolled his eyes, accepting the mug of tea Brian handed him with a sigh.

"Fine, but two hours max." Brian said begrudgingly. "And you're wearing a coat, no, two coats."

"Have you always been this bossy?" Roger rolled his eyes.

"I'm not bossy!" Brian folded his arms over his chest.

"That's exactly what bossy people say." Roger smirked, finishing off his tea.

Brian just sighed, taking the mug and putting it in the dishwasher before grabbing Lila to put in her high chair.

"I just don't want to miss anything." Roger said softly, the joking tone from his voice vanishing. "I know it's not her first Halloween ever, but it's the first with...us."

"It's okay, Rog. I understand. We'll both go and then we can come home and you both get some rest, okay?" Brian smiled softly, pulling the blond into his arms.

"Okay." Roger nodded, leaning into the embrace. "Don't burn the eggs again."

"Fuck." Brian let go of the younger man and running back to the stove, Roger's hoarse laughter filling his ears as the smoke alarm sounded prompting the toddler to run into the kitchen and scream along with the alarm.

Just another chaotic morning.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Darling, that is not a face of a deer."

Roger sighed, putting the small container of face paint down on the counter before looking at the older man. "What?"

"You made her look like a coked-out rat." Freddie remarked, earning a slap to the arm from Jim. "A cute coked-out rat, sorry." He smiled sheepishly at his boyfriend.

"Bitch." Roger rolled his eyes, grabbing a baby-wipe and wiping the paint off the squirming girl's face.

"Papa, no!" Lila squealed, trying to push the wipe away.

"Maybe she wants to be a coked out rat for Halloween." Roger chuckled, wrapping an arm around her and wiping her face clean. "But that's for when you're older, flower."

"Don't joke about drugs in front of her!" Brian sighed from the lounge, peering into the kitchen where Lila was sat up on the counter surrounded by Freddie, Jim, and Roger. Brian was on candy duty as children kept coming to their house.

Thankfully, Roger convinced him to give actual candy instead of prepackaged veggies as he knew a ticked off kid could easily egg or toilet paper their house. Also, Roger just wanted to steal some of the candy for himself.

"Move over, dear, let the master do this." Freddie pushed the blond to the side and stole the paint, painting on a little nose and a few white dots. "Perfect."

"Eddie!" The small girl giggled, reaching out for him and squealing when he picked her up.

"Freddie, darling, FReddie." He chuckled, kissing her cheek.

Lila blinked at him, grabbing at his cheeks. "Fweddie."

Roger smirked at Freddie's displeased expression. "Fweddie kins."

"If I wasn't holding a child, I'd knock your jaw." Freddie glared at the blond.

"Fweddie kins." Jim chuckled to himself.

"Not you too!" Freddie sighed in exasperation before looking at Lila. "Let's go out to the nicer dad."

"Hey! I'm nice!" Roger pouted as Freddie walked out of the kitchen to sit beside Brian.

"Oh, there's the pretty girl!" Brian cooed, scooping her from Freddie's arms and kissing her nose.

"If I had ovaries, they would've exploded." Freddie deadpanned, looking over to Roger who was smiling goofily at his boyfriend.

"Contain yourself, love." Jim chuckled, pecking his cheek.

"We need another cat." Freddie sighed.

Roger snickered at their exchange before moving over to Brian. "Isn't she adorable?"

"Cutest baby I've ever seen." Brian grinned.

"Right, let's have ten." Roger smirked. "Create an army of adorable children."

"Glad to see your mind has changed from no children to creating an army of them." Brian cocked an eyebrow, a smile still stretched across his face.

"You're lucky I don't have a uterus." Roger shrugged.

"I knew you were a bottom!" Freddie exclaimed.

"Why is everyone talking about female reproductive systems?" Jim asked no one in particular, getting a confused smile from Brian as an answer of, 'Who knows?'

"Not in front of the child!" Roger covered Lila's ears. "I confirm nothing."

"He's a bottom."

"Brian!!" Roger shrieked, making Lila giggle hysterically. "Glad you think it's funny, just wait until I steal all your candy."

Lila's face sobered up before a grumpy pout formed. "No, Papa."

"Yes, Lila." Roger booped her nose and she immediately collapsed into another giggle fit.

"Alright, dear, we're off to Sharons Halloween party. I wish you could come, but I'm pretty sure it's the worst possible place to bring a child." Freddie shrugged.

"Why?" Brian blinked up at him. Surely Halloween parties were mostly innocent, just costumes and maybe a bit of alcohol.

"There's usually a lot of coke and strippers. Occasionally a prostitute or two." Freddie said nonchalantly. "It's gonna be so much fun."

"Oh." Brian gave Roger a wide eyed look, to which he rolled his eyes and chuckled.

"I've never done it..." Roger defended weakly, causing Freddie to snort. "Okay, I did once, but that was three years ago and I felt so sick the next day that I never did it again."

"He also woke up in a bush in the backyard." Freddie added.

"Wow, thanks." Roger rolled his eyes.

Brian just shook his head, chuckling as he stood up. "Ready to go, love?"

"Do I still have to wear two coats?" He looked up at him with a small smile.

"Yes, you do." Brian rested a hand on his hip.

"Ah, fuck."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After the agreed two hours, the two men walked back into the house holding the sleeping toddler. Her face paint smeared on Brian's white shirt, though he couldn't bring himself to be bothered at the adorable sight.

Brian carefully placed her in her crib, gently taking a damp cloth to wipe off the remainder of paint when he felt a slight weight on his shoulder.

"Tonight was really nice." Roger said softly, resting his chin on the taller man's shoulder.

"It was." Brian turned his face to peck his lips softly. "How are you feeling?"

"My throat feels like I swallowed twelve razor blades, but other than that, I'm good." He smiled, following Brian out of the nursery and shutting the door quietly.

"Twelve exactly? Not eleven?" Brian joked, wrapping his arms around the blonds waist.

"Maybe twelve and three sevenths. Can never be too precise." Roger chuckled, leaning into Brian's embrace.

Brian's hugs were like crack to him. Not that Roger had done crack, but the assumption seemed true enough.

"You and your weird fractions." Brian snorted. "What do you say we go downstairs and have some tea. We can watch a Halloween movie."

"This definitely beats doing coke at Elton's parties." Roger smirked, wiggling out of Brian's arms. "First one down picks the movie!"

"Such a child." Brian laughed before rushing past him, basically leaping down the stairs and sprinting to the kitchen.

"Bitch, you've got ostrich legs! That's not fair!" Roger slid into the kitchen, his socks nearly making him fall on his ass.

"Ostrich legs?" Brian laughed, grabbing his shoulders to prevent him from falling.

"Or giraffe. Those things are two meters long!" Roger regained his balance and moved to the kettle, turning it on before looking back at Brian. "If you were a spider, you'd be a daddy long leg."

"They're actually called cellar spiders." Brian looked over his shoulder as he pulled down two mugs.

"I'm changing your name to daddy long leg in my phone." Roger smirked.

"Please don't."

"Okay, just daddy then." Roger pulled his phone out, tapping the screen.

"Please don't." Brian blushed, setting up the teabags and looking at the smirking blond.

"You're so cute when you're all blushy." Roger laughed, putting his phone away. "I was just kidding, Bri."

"Thank god." Brian shook his head, pouring the now-boiling water into the mugs.

"Yeah, your name was already daddy."

"Oh my god." He heaved a sigh, looking back at Roger like a disappointed parent. "Why are you the way that you are?"

"I was born this way." Roger shrugged, grabbing the honey from the cupboard and dumping more than enough into the mug. Brian eyed him with a wary look which was met with Rogers wide grin. “So what movie?”

“We could watch the new It movie.” Brian shrugged.

“Oh, I haven’t seen that.” Roger grinned. “I haven’t even seen the original.”

“Well, let’s watch it then.” Brian grinned back at him before they made their way to the living room, cuddling up on the couch as they set up the movie.

By the end of the movie, Roger was clinging to Brian’s side with wide eyes.

“I fucking hate clowns.” He muttered before the clown popped up on the screen again. “Shit!”

Brian, on the other hand, was having trouble not laughing at the blonds overdramatic outbursts. “Rog, it’s not real.”

“Clowns are real, Brian, have you been to the circus?” Roger asked incredulously.

“Actually, no.” Brian laughed even more, the tone of Roger’s voice causing Brian to completely lose his composure.

“Well...they’re real and I hate them.” Roger pouted, slumping against his boyfriend.

“Alright, let’s get you to bed.” Brian shook his head, hoisting the younger man off the couch. “Or maybe in the sewer?”

“Gah, put me down!” Roger squirmed.

“You’ll float too, Roggie.” He imitated the clowns voice, making Roger groan loudly.

“I hate you.” Roger grumbled, going completely limp in Brian’s arms.

“Poor thing.” Brian laughed, carrying him upstairs and laying him on the bed before turning the light off and climbing in next to him.

They ended up talking about the whole night for another hour before finally falling asleep in each other’s arms, hoping to be well rested enough for work in the morning.

Then two more days until the surgery. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating for two centuries, I have no real excuse other than my own dumbassery 
> 
> Anyone else see It Chapter 2? It made me so fricken sad
> 
> Anyway, this was mostly a filler chapter, if you couldn’t tell. I have two actual chapters planned. I’ve also got a thousand ideas for my one shot book which I’ll be updating soon too! Hope you liked it!
> 
> Peace ✌🏻


	19. The Right Decision

Brian never really thought about what it would be like to have children. He hadn't felt ready to settle down yet, his career having not taken off yet. The whole concept was foreign as he didn't have any siblings who had children, and all of his cousins were unmarried and without children yet. 

He'd expected late nights of whining, dirty diapers, and countless demands from having a child, of course. It was common knowledge that children's were needy and demanding. 

What he didn't expect, however; was his boyfriend to be even more of a child than the toddler in his care. 

"I'm hungry, Brimi." Roger whined, slumping against his shoulder as they sat in the waiting room. 

"You're not allowed to eat before surgery, Rog. Doctor's orders." Brian sighed, having explained this at least thirty times since midnight. He nearly had a heart attack when he heard Roger rummaging through the fridge only to shatter a dish on the floor before he had the chance to eat anything. 

"You are the worst person I've ever met." Roger grumbled, crossing his arms with a pout on his face. 

"Mhm." Brian rolled his eyes, leaning back in his chair as he scrolled through a few work emails and smiled when Freddie sent a picture of Lila surrounded by his cats. 

"Brimi, can I have some water?" 

The faux innocent voice was back and upon looking up, Brian was met with a puppy dog gaze that could melt his heart into molten lava. 

But he wasn't about to let his boyfriend asphyxiate during surgery just because he was a little thirsty. 

"Roger, the doctor told you no food or water after midnight." Brian reminded carefully. 

"I hate you." Roger mumbled, sinking further into the chair. "I want these bloody things out so I can eat a whole bloody burger then-"

"You're not allowed to eat solids after surgery." Brian interrupted him, immediately met with wide eyes and the most heartbreaking pout he'd ever seen. 

"What?" Roger's voice was quiet, his eyes unblinking. Brian cursed him for never listening as the doctor spoke. 

"Only soft foods. Mashed potatoes, jello, and pudding. Applesauce and ice cream too." Brian explained, thinking back to the conversation they'd had with the doctor a few days ago. 

"This is bullshit, I hate everything." Roger huffed, puffing his cheeks out before standing up and pacing the room. "I just want this to be done and over with."

"Roger Taylor? We'll take you back now." The nurse popped her head through the door. 

Roger flung himself into Brian, his arms holding him in a vice grip as the poor man began shaking slightly. 

"I don't want to go." Roger muttered softly, clinging onto the older man for dear life. 

"It's okay, Rog. I'm going to be there when you fall asleep and I'll be there when you wake up. Everything will be fine." Brian rubbed his back, trying to pull away from the smaller man. 

Roger eventually let go, settling for gripping his boyfriends hand as they headed back to the hospital room where he would be prepped for surgery.

"Okay, Mr. Taylor. I'm going to give you some happy juice." The nurse said softly, holding a plastic cup that resembled a shot glass filled with clear liquid. 

"I hope to fuck it's vodka." Roger muttered, taking the cup and throwing it back in a quick motion before gagging. "That is not fucking happy!"

"Roger!" Brian rubbed his temples like a disappointed mother as the nurse giggled to herself. "I'm sorry about him."

"It's more common than you'd think. Usually we give the happy juice to children." The nurse just laughed, turning to prepare a few more things. 

"Children must hate you." Roger grumbled, his eyes looking a bit far away as the minutes passed. "Brian why is the world so...spinny?"

Brian stared at his boyfriend for a moment before looking to the nurse with a questioning glance. 

"It's a sedative. We give it to calm people down before surgery. He's just a bit high." She smiled, turning to Roger and putting a hand on his shoulder. "Do you want a teddy?"

"No!" Roger frowned, crossing his arms in a huff before leaning forward to grab Brian. "I need to hold me."

"You need to hold yourself?" Brian chuckled, watching Roger stare back at him with a confused gaze. 

"I want the teddy." Roger looked towards the nurse, reaching out to her. "I need the teddy. Now."

"I'll get you the teddy, dear." She giggled a bit before disappearing into the hall.

"How're you feeling, Rog?" Brian asked softly, rubbing a hand over his back as the blonde pressed into him.

"Bri, where's my baby?"

"Lila's with Freddie." Brian chuckled, letting the younger man fall into his lap. 

"I miss her." Roger looked up at him, reaching to grab his curls. "Fluffy boy. My fluffy bastard."

"Roger, I swear." Brian could hardly contain his giggles as Roger played with his hair, the nurse coming back in and handing Roger the teddy before messing around with a few I.V's and injecting Roger in the arm. 

"Shhh, they'll hear you." Roger warned, poking his head up to look around the room before falling back into Brian's lap. 

"Who?" Brian asked, an eyebrow cocked in amusement. 

"Shhhh."

And that was the last thing he remembered before his consciousness slowly faded out.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A steady beeping noise filled the room as Roger woke up, his throat felt like he had swallowed a dozen razor blades and his eyes were dry and sore. 

"Can I have some water?" He rasped, wincing at the pain that seared through his throat. He tilted his head to the side when Brian jumped awake, hovering over him with a smile. "What?" Was all he could manage, his eyes tearing up from the pain. 

"You're awake!" Brian grinned, cupping his cheeks before pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

"I wish I wasn't." He rasped. "Water, Bri. Give me drugs or water." 

"I'll go get the doctor." Brian told him before rushing out of the room, returning moments later with his doctor. 

"How are you feeling?" Dr. Harris asked, making her way over to the bed. 

"Like shit, can I have some morphine or something?" He grabbed at his throat, pain searing through his throat at each word he spoke. 

"I'm putting you on a few days of Oxycodone for the pain, but you'll be able to switch to Ibuprofen by the end of the week." Dr. Harris motioned for him to open his mouth, shining a light to the back of his throat before humming in approval. With a smile, she reached over and handed him some water. 

"I feel like shit." Roger grumbled, graciously taking the water and chugging it before yelping in pain. 

"Careful, your throat is still tender." She warned, turning to type into her computer. "Alright, all your prescriptions are set up at the chemist downstairs. Just need to handle the discharge papers."

Roger shrugged, it sounded easy enough as he watch Brian sign the papers. He felt a rush of happiness as soon as he was handed a popsicle, sighing as the cold treat soothed his throat. 

"I'm still hungry." Roger mumbled through the popsicle in his mouth. He took it out and looked at Brian impatiently. "Are you done yet?"

"Rog, you're supposed to be filling these out." Brian rolled his eyes, continuously signing the forms. 

"I'm sick, feeble, and weak. I'm hardly holding on..." Roger sighed, leaning back dramatically. "I'm fading fast, so hungry..."

"If you stop whining, I'll get you a milkshake on the way home." Brian glanced up from the papers, a satisfying feeling arising when Roger quickly sat up and made a zipping motion to his lips, his eyes shimmering despite the haziness that enveloped them. 

'Such a child.' Brian thought, a soft smile coming to his face as he saw the blond beginning to nod off from the medicine. "Tired, love?"

"No, no...just my eyes...resting my...eyes..." Roger slowly trailed off, soft snoring filling the room as Brian continued filling out the papers before making his way down to the chemist.

Brian collected the prescriptions, making his way to the cafeteria as to let Roger have a few more minutes to rest. Sitting down with his coffee, he stared down at the lock screen on his phone. His lips stretched into a soft smile as he gazed at the picture of Roger with Lila perched on his lap behind his drum set. The small girl had the sticks in her tiny hands, raising them up high with a wide smile as Roger smiled down at her like a proud father. 

It was his favorite picture, something to keep him smiling through the days where he was exhausted to no end. It was like a reminder that Brian made the right decision to stay and take care of her, something that he had doubts about in the beginning. 

Now, sitting alone in the nearly-empty cafeteria, he knew it was the right decision. Not only to stay with Lila, but Roger too. Of course he had his childish tendencies that drove Brian crazy, and they still had their arguments as always, but he couldn’t help but think that it was all worth it. Through each small fight, sickness, or problem, Roger was always at the other end of the tunnel with a smile. 

Throwing away his cup and making his way to the lift, he went back to Rogers room to see him sat up with a large grin on his face. Peeking in from the doorway, he could hear Freddie’s unmistakable baby talking voice and Lila’s melodic giggles through the phone. 

‘_Yeah_,’ Brian thought, a soft smile on his face, ‘_I really made the right decision_.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cute little filler for you guys, just wanted you all to know I haven’t abandoned this fic! I’ve just had a shitload of coursework and my job has been increasing my hours so I’ve been using writing as a stress reliever!
> 
> Anyway, I went to see Dr Sleep with my friend today and I got carded bc apparently I look like a child even tho I’m nearly 20😔
> 
> Hope you liked it!
> 
> Peace ✌🏻


	20. The Recovery

"Where's my shake?"

Brian jumped at the sudden voice, turning his head to see to hazy eyes staring at him.

"Christ, Rog, you nearly gave me a heart attack!" He sighed, taking a deep breath before focusing back on the road.

"Sheeeeeeeeeer heart attack!" Roger sang weakly before giggling to himself.

"What are you on about?" Brian chuckled, looking over at him to see the blond staring back with his loopy smile.

"It sounds like a song, the bestest song." Roger shrugged before pouting again. "Milkshake? You promised."

"Okay, okay. I'll get you a milkshake." Brian rolled his eyes, keeping an eye out for a diner-like restaurant.

"Wait..." Roger leaned closer to Brian, his eyes wide. "Can we get Lila first?"

"She's staying one more night with Freddie so you can get some rest, love." Brian said, resting one of his hands on Rogers knee.

"I miss her." Roger pouted. "I don't need rest, can we please go see her?"

Brian looked over to him, his voice sounded much less loopy and he wore a small frown. He really did miss her.

"Okay, we'll get your milkshake and then go to Freddie's to check on her." Brian compromised, turning into a shopping plaza before parking in front of a restaurant.

"I just love her so much."

Brian looked to see Rogers teary eyes and felt a tug at his heartstrings. He was definitely still loopy from the last bit of pain medication Dr. Harris gave him, the poor boy. He leaned forward and cupped his cheeks with a small smile.

"She loves you too, baby." Brian said softly, pecking his lips before wiping the tears away. He was pretty goofy most of the time, but Brian couldn't help but find his tearful 'I just love her so much' to be the sweetest thing he's ever heard.

Roger nodded, sniffling with a tiny smile. He got out of the car slowly, shutting it and waiting for Brian to come over to him before he entered the restaurant.

Brian helped him inside as they got seated, lowering him down on the chair from his wobbly legs and watching him smile widely as he looked around.

"What is it?" Brian asked, a soft smile on his lips.

"Is this a date?" Roger whispered loudly, his eyes dazed but glowing.

"Well, you're a bit high, love. But if you want-"

"Yes, I want. I want." Roger nodded. "I want a milkshake."

Brian chuckled to himself as he glanced over the menu. "Alright, what kind?"

"Hmmmmmmm." Roger stared down at the menu, his eyebrows furrowed as he tried to read it. "Something...good."

"Vanilla?" Brian suggested.

"That's boring." Roger rolled his eyes dramatically. "What about...vanilla?"

"I just-" Brian sighed, shaking his head with a smile. "You know what? That sounds great, Rog."

Roger grinned widely, closing the menu as he looked around for their server before giving Brian a happy smile. "Wanna share with me, Brimi?"

Brian smiled softly and nodded. In all his life, he'd never met someone so adorable. He honestly wondered how he never noticed before. "That sounds great, Rog."

"Hey, Bri?" Roger looked around, leaning over the table with wide eyes. "I have a question- a really important question."

"What's your question?" Brian propped his chin up on his hand, his elbow resting on the table as he smiled at the blond.

"Shhh, I'll tell you." Roger looked around, leaning in closer. "I love you."

"That's not a question." Brian chuckled, his cheeks heating up at the genuine words from the younger man.

"Oh, right!" Roger laughed, shaking his head. "Wait, oh, I forgot it."

"It's okay, you'll remember-"

"Wait, I remember!" Roger grinned, leaning in close once more. "Can I kiss you?"

"In the middle of the restaurant?" Brian asked, feeling his face heat up yet again. He felt like a teenager on his first date, only his date was high as shit off hospital grade painkillers.

"We could take it to the bathroom." Roger smirked, attempting a wink that turned into him just blinking one eye at a time. "You know what I mean..."

"Hmm, lets save that for home, love." Brian chuckled awkwardly.

"Brian, I meant se-"

"Roger, I know what you meant." Brian laughed, shaking his head as he willed his cheeks to cool down.

Roger sighed, leaning down to rest his head on the table just as the waitress came by. Brian quickly ordered, watching at the blond struggled to stay conscious.

"Rog, you gotta stay awake." Brian said quietly, shaking his shoulder a bit. He smiled when the younger man raised his tired eyes and grinned.

"Can I kiss you then?" Roger asked, the innocent tone in his voice temporarily overpowering the intoxicated slur.

Brian glanced around, the restaurant was basically empty and the few patrons that were there were distracted by whatever was on their phones. Thank god for that.

"Okay, I'll kiss you." Brian said, smiling softly at him. It was a sweet request, really. High as all hell and all he wanted was milkshakes, his daughter, and a kiss from his boyfriend.

Rogers face lit up, clumsily leaning across the table with his lips puckered out. He looked ridiculous, but Brian found it endearing how excited he was for something they do multiple times a day.

Leaning in, Brian gently pressed their lips together. He cupped Rogers cheeks with both of his hands, keeping the kiss soft and sweet before pulling away to rest their foreheads together.

"I love you, Rog." Brian said softly, his stomach fluttering at the way his blue eyes shined.

Roger smiled widely, for a moment the haziness of the pills was gone from his eyes just as he whispered back, "I love you too."

They shared a sweet smile as they sat back in their seats, their milkshakes being brought to their table after a few moments. Brian had to remind him of the "no straw" rule, as it would cause bleeding and made them both use spoons for their shakes.

After paying the bill, Brian had to basically carry the half asleep blond to the car, where he immediately fell asleep as Brian buckled him in. While the drooling was gross, he looked quite adorable curled up against the car door with his mouth slightly agape.

Brian smiled adoringly at him before starting the car and driving back to their house.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Papa!!"

"Not every blond man in your papa, dear." Freddie laughed, pushing the small girl down the quaint Kensington street in her stroller as they watched the sun beginning to set along the horizon.

"Papa?" Lila questioned, earning a small snicker from Freddie.

"Darling, that's a lady." Freddie giggled to himself, looking over to Jim. "Oh, I can't wait to tell Roger that."

"Even when he's ill?" Jim frowned disapprovingly, leaning down to catch one of Lilas hands delivering a gently tickle to her stomach as she giggled.

"Oh, pish posh, this is Roger we're talking about. He'll milk it for a day or two and then be right back to his screaming self." Freddie snorted as he turned into the driveway of Brian and Rogers house. "Watch, the second we get in there, Roger will be sitting with a beer in hand and cigarette in his mouth."

"Twenty pounds says he's still recovering and out of it." Jim challenged, unbuckling the toddler and lifting her up from the stroller.

"I'd hate to take your money when you find out I'm right." Freddie waved his hand before opening up the front door. "Darlings, we're here!" He called, the pair walking into the house towards the lounge. It was then Freddie's face fell.

Brian was sat on the couch, one hand holding a book and the other stroking the blond hair that splayed out on his lap. Roger stared blankly ahead, his eyes red with dark bags under them. He was hardly awake, only enough to glance at them with tired eyes.

"Shhh," Brian shushed, pitting the book aside to look up at Jim and Freddie. "The medicine made him sick all night, he's been on and off sleeping and his throat hurts a lot. Doctor told him to hold off on talking to help with that, but his throat had a bad bleed from throwing up so much."

Jim gave Freddie a knowing look, to which he sighed. "Shit, I thought he'd be better by now."

"It's been a day, Fred." Brian sighed, looking down to see the blond had fallen asleep again before looking back at the two. "He's really out of it. He only ate a popsicle today, couldn't even keep it down. And..." He frowned a bit, looking down at the sleeping boy. "He keeps calling out Clare's name. He'll be resting and I'll just hear him say it."

"She took care of him when he'd get sick, and he'd take care of her when she'd get sick. Poor dear is probably feeling even worse if that's on his mind." Freddie sighed, dropping down to his knees in front of the blond and pushing some hair out of his face.

"Freddie?" Rogers eyes opened lazily, his voice sounding rough and painful.

"It's alright, darling. How are you feeling?" He asked, resting his chin on the couch cushion.

Roger responded by shaking his head, a heartbreaking pout on his face. Freddie noticed a few tears in his eyes before they slipped down his cheeks.

Freddie frowned, watching as Brian began wiping them away. "Need pain medicine?"

"Can't for another hour, he threw the last one up." Brian sighed softly, pulling the blond closer. "Rog, lets get you upstairs to bed, okay?"

"Lila..." He rasped, looking up at him with a frown.

"I know, love. Maybe you'll feel better enough tomorrow to hold her, but now you need rest." Brian said, standing up and helping the younger man up before heading to the stairs. "I'll be back in a few minutes." He said to Freddie and Jim before disappearing upstairs.

"He's really not milking it." Freddie sighed, turning to Jim and Lila. "I've only ever seen him like that a few times and it's always awful."

Jim frowned, pulling his boyfriend close and kissing his forehead. "He'll get better soon, baby." He said soothingly.

"I know. It's just awful seeing him like that." Freddie sighed, leaning his head on the other man.

After coming back downstairs, Brian started the kettle and they all sat in the kitchen. Jim set Lila down to go and play with her toys as thru sat and drank tea.

"Thank you both for watching Lila last night. He was doing alright up until we got home, I didn't expect it to be this rough on him." Brian sighed, sipping from his mug before yawning.

"Of course! It was nice to have her around, you know we're always up to having her over." Freddie smiled, resting a hand on his shoulder. "Whenever you need a break, I'm only a call away. Jim too." He said, turning to Jim who nodded in agreement.

"Always." Jim smiled, turning to look down at the toddler he set down a few moments prior. "Where'd she go?"

"What?" Brian frowned, standing up to look around. "Lila?" He called out, walking over to where her toys were only to find nothing there. Shit.

They searched the whole first floor, the toddler nowhere to be found until they finally made their way upstairs.

The three men walked into Brian and Rogers bedroom to find what was probably the most precious sight they'd ever seen.

Roger was sleeping on his back, one arm resting under his head and the other one holding the sleeping toddler who was laying on his chest. Despite everything, they both had soft smiles on their sleeping faces.

"She missed him." Jim said quietly, as if not to wake them.

"It's official, Bri. She's a papa's girl." Freddie nudged Brian, who stood in the doorway with eyes filled with adoration.

"Yeah, I guess she is." He said softly, creeping into the room to grab his camera before snapping a picture. It was definitely a moment worth capturing.

Freddie and Jim shared a look, smiling at each other before Freddie put a hand on Brian's shoulder. "Call is if you need anything. Tell Rog to get better soon, the store won't run itself." He gave him a wink before slipping out the door and down the stairs with Jim in tow.

Brian smiled to himself, setting the camera down, grabbing his book, and climbing into bed next to the blond, who immediately scooted closer. After a few moments, Brian saw the blueness of his eyes peeking through his half-lidded gaze.

"Can she stay with us tonight?" He asked drowsily, barely managing to keep his eyes open.

"I don't think she'd want to be anywhere else." Brian smiled, pulling him closer before pulling the blanket up and over the three of them. Roger buried his face in Brian’s neck and sighed.

“G’night, Brimi.” Roger mumbled into his neck, finally shutting his eyes and drifting away. The doctors said the recovery wouldn’t be easy, but he never expected to be that tired.

Brian smiled, holding the two as close as he could before pressing a kiss to both of their foreheads. It felt so domestic, like they were meant to be a family together. Despite it all, it just felt right.

“Goodnight, loves.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I foreshadowing or is Brian just being cute? Ponder that ;)
> 
> Peace ✌🏻


	21. The Proposal

_ **December 6, 2019** _

_ **Six weeks later...** _

Brian grabbed his messenger bag, pressing a kiss to Lila's head before rushing to the door.

"Do I get one?" Roger joked, looking up from his tea with a small grin.

"I'm sorry, I'm running late!" Brian said, rushing over to peck his lips and missing. "Sorry, I'll see you after school!"

Roger just watched in amusement, leaning back in his chair. "Have a great day, sweetie." He said in an overly sweet voice, smirking at the flustered man.

"You made me late!" Brian shouted before walking out the door.

"Round two was your idea!" Roger called before he shut the door, just in time to see Brian roll his eyes. "It was my idea." He snickered to himself.

"Dada yate." Lila said, her eyebrows raised up high on her forehead as she restated the fact.

"Very late." Roger chuckled, passing her sippy cup to her before going back to his tea. "He forgot his too." He frowned, getting up and grabbing his lunch box to find it was empty. "Oh no, he didn't make one."

"Oh no, papa!" Lila copied, watching him with curious eyes. He knew she hadn't the slightest idea of what was going on, but found her voice too adorable to not talk back. The doctor even said that her speech levels were above most kids her age, a Taylor trait if he'd ever heard of one.

"You know what this means." Roger grinned, opening the cupboard and looking at the little girl. "We get to go see dada at work."

Lila squealed in delight, happily banging on the tabletop of her high chair. Her excitement was all Roger needed to get to work until he looked at the expiration date on a can of soup to find it had been expired for two years! He checked the fridge and frowned. Not much there either.

"Shit, looks like we're going to the grocery store first." Roger shrugged, shutting the fridge and moving to grab the small girl out of her chair before running up the steps.

"Alright, first things first, you need a change." Roger wrinkled his nose at the unpleasant smell radiating off the child. "You're lucky you're cute, because you smell like shit."

Lila only giggled in response, laying back while Roger got to work cleaning her off, suppressing his gags as well as he could before tossing the soiled diaper into the trash.

"I swear you don't eat nearly enough to produce that." Roger shook his head, moving to grab a daytime outfit from the armoire in her room. He opened the doors and scanned her clothes, stopping at the shirt that he'd bought her a few months prior.

His eyes scanned across the words 'I love my Uncle Roggie' and he felt his heart crack a bit. Harsh reminders of their situation were constant, always popping out of nowhere at random times. Turning the shirt around, he huffed a laugh as he read the continuation, 'more than Uncle Bri' written across the back.

It was strange to think how different things were currently from how they were then. The constant bickering he and Brian would do was laughable. Roger could hardly believe they were the same people as they were a few months ago.

Prior enemies now raising a baby together, it was like the universe was playing some sick joke. But it somehow fit perfectly. It somehow made more sense than Roger ever saw before.

Despite how different they were, Roger being hotheaded and Brian being calm yet stubborn, they still came together and...made it work.

Roger smiled at the shirt, pulling it out of the armoire and tossing into the trash. He wasn't 'Uncle Roggie' anymore, and Brian wasn't 'Uncle Bri'. There wasn't a competition between who she loved more, because they loved her with all they had.

She was theirs. It didn't matter if it was through laws and paper, because every glimpse of that girl made Roger want to be a better man than he was. Every smile, every laugh, was a reminder that things would be okay, despite it all.

Roger smiled at the tiny brunette, grabbing out one of her warmer outfits before dressing her and lifting her up.

"Lets go, baby girl."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Walking around the grocery store was strange. He hadn't the slightest idea of what to get Brian for his lunch, McDonald's was out of the question as not only was Brian a vegetarian, but he'd also said on many occasions that 'even their salads are heart attack inducing'. So, there he was, staring at various bags of lettuce lined up against the wall.

"Your daughter is adorable."

Roger jumped at the voice that came from behind him before turning around and offering a polite smile. "Thank you." He said, turning back to the produce he'd been staring at before. He didn't want to waste time on some supermarket mum when he could be seeing Brian again.

"My daughter just turned three. Her dads out of the picture." She mentioned, shrugging as if to brush the comment off.

'Real subtle.' Roger thought, biting back a snicker. He already noticed the wedding band on her finger, and surely she noticed the atrocious pink and gold ring he wore (mostly to annoy Brian).

"Mine's still in the picture, love." He said, flashing the ring. In that moment, he wished he would've picked a real ring because, while amusing, her face showed complete disbelief.

"Your wife gave you that?" She asked incredulously.

"Well, my wife is a man, for one." Roger smirked, crossing his arms. "Second, your husband gave you that?" He pointed to the ring that sat on her finger, his amusement rising when her face turned a scarlet red.

"Sorry..." She mumbled before turning and pushing her cart down the isle quickly as Roger broke into a small giggle fit.

"Now, Lila. That's what we call a 'home-wrecker'." Roger said, grabbing what he needed from the produce section before moving into a different isle.

Lila stared up at him with a wide grin, leaning forward and tilting her head.

The lady was definitely right about her being adorable.

"Papa? Daddy, daddy!!" Lila squealed, grabbing at his hands on the carts handle. "Daddy!"

Roger looked around, confused. Brian wasn't here at all. It dawned on him that Lila had, in fact, said daddy for the first time and he beamed at her. "We'll see him in just a bit, flower."

Lila seemed pleased with the answer, letting out a shrill squeal before ducking her head down and chewing on the cart handle.

"Ah! No! Gross, you're going to get a disease!" Roger grabbed her face gently and pushed it away from the bar. "Don't...lick things."

Lila giggle, sticking her tongue out to lick it again. "Want! Want!"

"No, you're a pain in the arse when you're sick." Roger sighed, grabbing a bottle and putting it in the cart. After circling the store a few times, grabbing anything that Lila screamed for or that he wanted, he made his way to the checkout.

He quickly paid for the items before bagging them up and taking them out to his car. Lila chewed happily on the toy he'd gotten her- granted it was a chew toy for dogs, but he figure dog/baby, toys are toys.

"Alright, lets get you in that seat!" Roger lifted her up and set her in the car seat, buckling her up and draping a blanket over her, leaning down to kiss her forehead. He shut he door and climbed into the drivers seat before making his way to Brian's school.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Pass up your quizzes!" Brian announced, standing from his desk and walking towards their desks to collect their papers.

"Well, that sounds boring."

Brian turned around to see Roger grinning in the doorway with Lila strapped to his chest with an equally as big smile. He felt his cheeks flush as Roger smirked at him, probably finding his flustered-ness to be funny.

"Rog, what're you doing here?" Brian's face flushed, looking to his students of whom were deeply interested in the blond in the doorway. Brian was sure he saw a couple girls drooling.

"You forgot your lunch, schnookums." Roger smirked even more at the way Brian's face turned bright red as they classroom chorused an 'aw'.

"He doesn't call me that." Brian rolled his eyes.

"Daddy!" Lila squealed, kicking out her legs excitedly.

"I do call him that-"

"I'll be back in just a minute!" Brian announced to the class, pulling the blond out of the classroom. "Really?"

"Sorry, it was too tempting." Roger chuckled, looking up at him. "Have I been bad, Mr. May?" He smirked, leaning against the locker as Lila began chewing on her shirt.

"You can't seduce someone with a child on your chest, Rog." Brian rolled his eyes.

"Ugh, fine. Here's your lunch, you bloody prude." Roger snorted, shoving the brown bag into his arms.

Brian grinned down at him before opening the bag. His smile immediately dropped upon seeing what was in the bag.

"It's a head of lettuce..." Brian said, confusion lacing his voice. "And a bottle of ranch... And a carrot..."

"Yeah, it's a salad." Roger said, chuckling to himself before shrugging with a shy smile. "Okay, what I really came here to do was to ask you if you'd like to go to lunch with me. We never really got the whole 'fresh relationship' thing and I just...I want to do that. So, come to lunch with me?"

Between the sweet smile and the two pairs of big blue eyes staring up at him, he couldn't say no if a gun was to his head. Okay, a bit dramatic, but you get the point.

"That sounds lovely." Brian said softly, a gentle smile on his face. "Lila coming too?"

"Are you joking? She's my little wingwoman, of course she's coming." Roger grinned, leaning up closer to Brian. "See you in a few hours?"

"Mhm," Brian hummed, pecking his lips before being pulled back into the kiss, separating after a few blissful moments. "What was that for?" He chuckled.

"You missed this morning. I don't appreciate upper lip kisses, you damn Sasquatch." Roger rolled his eyes, a smile still on his face. "I'll meet you in the parking lot after school."

Brian chuckled and nodded, pecking his lips once more. "See you then." He grinned before walking back into the classroom.

"Mr. May?"

Brian looked to his students, all of which were smiling widely at him. "Erm, yes, Ben?"

"Was that your husband?" He asked, a wide grin still on his face.

"Uh, well, no. But kind of?" Brian sat at his desk, chewing his bottom lip. "He's my..."

Boyfriend didn't feel right. Roger was so much more to him than that. Fake fiancé? Real fiancé? No, he hadn't proposed! Domestic partner? That sounded too formal.

"Total husbands." A girl chimed in from the back.

"Someday, maybe. That was our daughter, Lila." Brian smiled, looking out to his class.

For the rest of the period, Brian ended up gushing about both Roger and Lila, showing the students picture and videos per his students request. He didn't mind though, it was a nice outlet.

"Mr. May, when are you going to propose?" One of the girls rested his head on her hand, propping it up with her elbow as she listened to the teachers story.

"Huh, I mean... Isn't it too early? We've been together four months." Brian rubbed the back of his neck.

"You've known each other for four years, you said. And you also said you think you had always loved him. So, I don't think it's too early. I mean, you're raising a baby together." Ben shrugged as the other students murmured in agreement.

"You should do it on Christmas!"

"That's tacky! Do it on GroundhogDay!"

"Why the hell would he do it on Groundhog Day?"

"Because Mr. May loves animals, dumbass!"

"He likes badgers, you bloody idiot!"

"Actually," Brian cleared his throat, interrupting the spat between students. "I was thinking of doing it on New Years Eve. I'd considered it before and...it'd be a nice way to start out the year." He admitted, a soft smile on his face.

He knew it was a good idea by the chorus of 'awes' that filled the room. 

"Anyway, class is just about over. No homework tonight, but look over your notes if you can. I'll have those tests graded by next Monday." Brian grinned, already packing up his bag. "Have a nice weekend!" He called over his shoulder as the bell rang and the students poured out of the classroom with polite, 'you too's '.

Brian smiled to himself, tugging on his coat when his phone began to ring. He set his messenger bag down and looked at the number. He felt nerves creeping up on him as the head of his department, John Reid's number was displayed across the screen. Hesitantly, he answered and put the phone to his ear.

"Hello?" He answered, doing his best to keep the nervousness out of his voice.

"Mr. May! I'm glad I could reach you, I tried your house first and got the machine! Would you mind meeting me at my office in about a half-hour." Reid more so stated than asked. Brian knew he didn't have much of a choice.

"Yes, I'll be there." Brian said, a frown pulling at his lips. He'd have to cancel on Roger.

"Wonderful! See you soon!" And with that, he hung up, leaving Brian to sink back in his chair with a sigh. He just hoped Roger wouldn't be upset as he dialed the number.

"Hey, Bri! Heading out yet?" Roger answered cheerfully. He seemed like he was having such a nice day.

"Actually, I can't make lunch today." Brian sighed, guilt pooling in his stomach. "I want to, I really do, but my boss wants me to meet him at his office."

"Oh." Rogers voice came over the phone like a punch to the gut, it was filled with so much disappointment! "That's okay, Bri. We can go for dinner then." He suggested, his tone more hopeful now.

"I'd like that." Brian smiled a bit. "I'll let you know when I'm on my way home."

"Alright, I'll see if I can get a nice reservation somewhere." Roger grinned.

"Sounds great." Brian replied. "Bye, Rog."

"Bye! I love you!" Roger said, putting the phone by Lila. "Say, 'bye, love you'."

"Bye, of ooh!" Lila tried to mimic and Brian couldn't help the grin that was now plastered on his face.

"I love you too." Brian smiled, the nerves dissipating at their words as Roger hung up and the line went dead.

Maybe whatever Reid had to say wouldn't be so bad.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Glad you could make it, Brian. Have a seat." Reid pointed you the chair in front of his desk.

"Erm, thanks for having me." Brian sat down, shifting awkwardly. He felt like a child in the principals office. "What did you need to talk to me about?"

"Right." Reid chuckled, leaning across the table. "Word is you're one of the best in the field at Imperial."

Brian raised his eyebrow at that. He didn't know if he was the best...

"We're trying to create a team of astrophysicists. We're starting a study and we want you on that team. You'll have to take a leave of absence from your teaching job, a long term sub would take over for you." Reid proposed, a grin growing when Brian's face lit up.

"R-Really? That's incredible! I'm sure I could juggle the teaching job too, it's only a few days a week!" Brian rambled on, his smile splitting his face in two.

"No, that's won't be possible, Brian. I'm sorry." Reid shrugged, looking through a folder for some papers.

"What? Why's that?" Brian frowned in confusion.

"Because," Reid slid the paper to him.

"The study is in Tenerife."


	22. The Call

Tenerife? That was in Spain! Brian shook his head frantically at the mere thought. His head was spinning. Should he? He considered for a moment.

"I'm sorry, I can't. I have a family here. I can't just...leave them." Brian blinked, putting his hand to his head. He couldn't leave Roger, god, he couldn't leave Lila!

"It's only for a year!" Reid scoffed.

"That's a whole year without my daughter." Brian argued, the words 'my daughter' causing butterflies to flutter in his stomach.

"You really want to miss out on this opportunity?" Reid shook his head. "Look, I want you because you're the best of the best. Listen, you don't have to answer now. Just...give it a thought."

Brian swallowed and nodded. He couldn't leave them. They were his family.

"Okay, I'll think about it."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Brian shut the door gently, taking his coat off and hanging it up by the door along with his bag. The meeting had taken longer than he had planned, along with traffic and having to go back to grab papers to grade, then a few teachers cornering him to gossip about the students. It was nearly 9 pm by the time he pulled into the driveway!

He was sure Roger would be pissed that he was so late, his promise to let him know when he was coming home slipping from his mind. He hesitantly walked into the living room, expecting the blond to be there with his hands on his hips and a scowl, ready to fight.

Instead, he saw him curled up on the couch with a blanket over him and two cups of cold tea beside him, sleeping soundly.

Brian sighed, feeling guilty for making him wait for so long. Even more so when he realized that he probably missed whatever reservation Roger had made.

He saw the younger man stir, his eyes fluttering open and meeting Brian's before smiling softly.

"Hey, you're home." He yawned, sitting up on the couch.

"Sorry I'm late, I got caught up at work." Brian sighed, sitting beside him. "You're not mad?"

"Not really, no. Lila was fussy tonight anyway, just got her down a bit ago." Roger leaned on his shoulder, looking up at him tiredly. "How'd the meeting go?"

Brian knew he should tell him about the job offer, let him know that he'd decline it without question. That his home was here. It'd be the easiest thing to do.

But he didn't.

"Just going over PhD things, talking over what I have left to do." Brian lied, guilt bubbling deep inside him. He felt dirty lying to him, but he didn't have to know. He was going to decline and that would be that.

"Sounds boring." Roger snorted, sitting up with an excited smile. "I have some more exciting news."

"And that would be?" Brian cocked an eyebrow, smiling down at his excitement.

"Freddie stopped by tonight and told me something...very exciting." Roger grinned, practically vibrating where he sat. "Him and Jim are getting married!"

"Really? That's...wow, that's amazing!" Brian temporarily forgot his dilemma and smiled widely. He knew how much Freddie loved Jim and vice versa. Jim was always amazing with Lila (and Fred's cats), so them getting married seemed natural, they practically were already. At least, they acted like it.

"Still think my rings better." Roger smirked, flashing the tacky piece of jewelry.

"My god, take that off!" Brian laughed, shaking his head. "It looks like you got it right out of a toy machine!"

"Til death do us part." Roger smirked, snatching his hand away. "I was thinking I could pass it down to Lila when she's older. It could become a family heirloom." He joked.

"I swear I'm going to burn that thing one day." Brian chuckled, grabbing his hand and looking at the ring before looking up to Rogers eyes.

He could picture it now. He'd get a sapphire and diamond ring, one that reminds him of his eyes. He'd get down on one knee just as the countdown to the new year began. And just as midnight struck, they'd be engaged.

It would be perfect.

"You're staring at me."

Brian blinked, a blush rising to his cheeks before he gave a shy smile. "Got a bit distracted, sorry."

Roger just laughed and pulled him closer, connecting their lips in a soft kiss. Brian knew he wanted to stay like this forever, it was all he ever wanted and so much more.

He'd come home expecting a fight, instead he just got love and affection. Roger, the most hot headed person he knew, didn't pitch a fight despite Brian being three hours late and forgetting to call.

Brian decided right then and there that he was going to the jewelry store first thing in the morning while Roger went to his shop.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It took a whole week to actually get out of the house without Roger, they blond insisting on going with him on his 'errands'. When it wasn't Roger, he had to go to his own job or to class. He finally snuck away once the blond had to go to work on his day off, which meant he also had to take Lila with him.

"Weren't you in here a few months ago?"

Brian stared at the jeweler with a sheepish smile, Lila strapped to his chest babbling away loudly. "I was, but...that was a promise ring."

"The ugliest promise ring I've ever seen." The man commented under his breath, leaning against the glass box. "Now what are you looking for today?"

"Um, I was thinking sapphires and diamonds." Brian rubbed the back of his neck. "I-If you have something like that."

The man nodded, pacing by the cases of with a focused look. After a few minutes his face broke into a smile as he opened up the case and grabbed out a ring. "This is the one, I'm sure of it."

Brian hurried over, taking a look at the ring and grinning widely. "I love it, it's perfect. What do you think, Lila?" He smiled down at her, chuckling when she let out an excited squeal.

It was a silver band, a loopy design engraved into the sides of it. The top had sapphires and diamond alternating in the middle. Brian knew it was the one, it wasn't too feminine but it also wasn't overly masculine, or rather plain as many men choose to wear. Plus, the gems reminded him of his loves eyes, deep and beautiful.

"I'll take it." Brian decided, looking up from the ring with a grin as the man smiles widely, happy to make a sale.

"Alright, lets discuss size and price."

It was a long process, Lila throwing a small fit in the middle of the transaction. The man merely sighed after the toddler threw the pen at his head for the seventh time. Brian was in much too good of a mood to be upset with her, just taking the pen and sliding it across the desk and out of her reach.

Finally, the man handed Brian a small black velvet box and congratulated him before slipping into the back of the store.

"Alright, we've got to keep this a secret, okay?" Brian showed the box to the toddler, who stared at it with wide eyes before trying to grab it to put in her mouth.

"Daddy!" Lila squealed, grumpily pouting when he took it away.

"You can't eat it, Lila, it's not food." Brian chuckled as they made their way outside, the toddler sniffling to herself as she prepared for a tantrum. "It's alright, lets go get some ice cream."

He knew it was 5pm and just before dinner, but the sniffles stopped and Lila's face perked up the moment she took a bite of the ice cream, so he considered it a win. Roger didn't always get to be the fun one!

With a pep in his step and an ice cream stain on his shirt, he made his way home. The drive was short, filled with an exciting air that made him feel a bit light headed. He could hardly wait, he just hoped Roger would say yes.

Brian parked in the drive way, unbuckling Lila and lifting her out of her seat before finally making his way inside.

The ring box was burning a hole in his pocket, his hands itching to pull it out and ask him as soon as he walked in the door. Brian bit back the temptation, shaking his head before making his way into the living room, smiling when he saw the blond curled up on the couch.

"Hey." Brian grinned, setting Lila down to roam before moving to peck his lips. He smiled, putting his phone and keys down on the table before sitting beside him.

"Hi." Roger smiled up at him before lifting Lila into his lap when she ran to him. "Miss me, flower?"

"Papa!" She squealed, collapsing into his lap with a giggle before jumping down and running off.

"You gave her ice cream, didn't you?" Roger smirked, watching the sugar rush set in along with the large stain on Brian's shirt.

"Guilty." Brian chuckled, standing up straight and stretching. "I'll change really quick, then we can go out for dinner?"

"Hm, sounds good to me." Roger smiled, pushing the blanket off of him and standing from the couch as Brian ran up the steps with his lanky legs. He looked a bit like a two-legged spider when he did that and Roger had to bit back a laugh.

"Japanese or Italian?" Brian asked, calling down from their bedroom. Just as Roger was considering between the two, Brian's phone began to ring on the table. "Could you grab that? It's probably my mum!"

Roger hummed in response, moving over to the table and grabbing the phone before answering it. He put it to his ear, a small smile on his face. "Hello, Brian May's phone."

"Yes, hi! This is John Reid, head of the astrophysics department at Imperial. I was calling to relay some more information about Brian's moving to Tenerife!"


	23. When All Is Said And Done

Rogers breath hitched in his throat. Moving to Tenerife? Brian hadn't mentioned anything about that, not at all.

"I'll let him know." Roger cleared his throat. "Thank you." He spoke stiffly before hanging up. So many thoughts were running through his head, various emotions washing over him like a tsunami.

First was shock, then betrayal, then sadness, and finally, anger.

Roger gripped the phone tightly as he Brian's footsteps descending the stairs. He poked his head around with a soft smile that dropped upon seeing the pissed off expression on Rogers face.

"Rog-"

"Don't." Roger spat, storming over to him and shoving the phone into his hands. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"T-Tell you what?" It was a cheap move, Brian knew exactly what he was talking about. He had hoped it would calm the blonds anger, but playing dumb only made it worse.

"Tenerife, Brian! When were you going to tell me that you took a job in Tenerife?!" Roger crossed his arms over his chest. The sad look in his eye caused guilt to weigh in his stomach.

"We were just talking about it. Of course I can't take it." Brian sighed, hoping the blond would just drop it.

"But you want to." Roger sunk into himself, staring up at him.

"Of course I want to!" Brian's frustration began pouring out. "It's what I've been working of for years!"

"You're thinking about taking it." Roger held his head high, fighting against his breaking voice.

"Yeah. I am." Brian swallowed as they stood in silence, staring at each other. Brian couldn't stand the heartbroken look on Roger's face and looked away.

"So, you're just going to leave?" He asked, his eyes shining bright with unshed tears.

"I don't know, Rog!! I've never had to think for three people before!!" Brian pulled at his hair, he didn't mean to raise his voice. He watched Roger pace the room, arms folded over his stomach as he heaved panicked breaths. "Rog-"

"You never wanted to be here." Roger stopped his pacing, looking up at him with a stoic face. "You just...you thought of this as temporary and you were looking for a clean out."

"That's not true. Roger! That's not true!" Brian gripped his shoulders, sighed when the blond pushed him off.

"It is true, Brian!! God, has any of this been real to you?!" Roger pushed him away, the fire igniting in his eyes once more.

"Of course it has! I've given up everything to...to play this part!" Brian yelled back, his hand pulling nervously at his hair.

"To 'play this part'? That's what this is to you?" Roger asked incredulously, staring up at the taller man with his arms crossed.

"We're living in their house. We're raising their child. Hell, we're acting like we're married, but we're not!! This isn't out house and Lila isn't our child!!"

"So you were pretending with her too." Roger said, his voice dripping with hurt. "You were pretending with both of us."

"No, I love Lila!" Brian defended himself, his eyes widening when his words hit Roger. The stabbing words sliced through the younger man harshly as the first tear slipped from his eyes.

Brian didn't love him.

"You should take it." Roger turned around, his back to Brian. "Just take it. Take the job and go."

"Come on, Rog, I-"

"Just leave, Brian. Just...just fucking go. It's over, we're over." Roger said thickly, wiping the tears away harshly.

Brian bit his lip, tears stinging in his own eyes. He couldn't believe how much he'd messed this up. Just over an hour ago, he was ready to spend the rest of his life with Roger.

And now he'd lost him.

"I'm sorry..." Brian took a step towards him, reaching a hand out to touch the smaller man. Roger flinched away, not even bothering to look at him.

"Sorry doesn't fix this, Brian. You should go. Now." Rogers voice was steady as he finally turned to look at Brian.

They both had tears running down their faces, jaws clenched tightly. Brian ducked his head down before slipping upstairs.

Roger felt a tug on his shirt and looked down to see Lila staring up at him. He wiped away with tears before picking her up. "It's okay, flower. It's okay."

"Papa... Sad? Papa cry?" The toddler grabbed his face, staring intently at him before pressing a sloppy baby his to his nose and then moving to rest her head on his chest.

It took everything he had to not just break down in that very spot. The young girls big and confused eyes. In that moment, she looked so much like Clare. The way she tilted her head and pouted her lips slightly, it was the mirror image of her mother.

He heard footsteps behind him and turned to see Brian with his bags packed in his hands. The older man stepped off the stairs and cleared his throat. "I'm going to my parents."

Roger nodded numbly, watching Brian's hesitantly walk to them before kissing Lila's forehead. He looked like he wanted to say more, but shut his mouth and wordlessly made his way to the front door. With a final glance, he walked out, shutting the door behind him.

And then Roger broke down.

It started as silent tears, but grew into harsh sobs. He covered his mouth to stifle them the best he could, Lila sitting beside him with confused concern. She offered hugs the best she could, latching herself onto his side.

"I'm sorry, Flower." He sniffled, wiping his tears away. "It's okay, baby. Let's get you to bed." He lifted her up and carried her up the stairs before laying her in the crib.

She stood up, holding onto the railing and grabbed at his shirt to pull him closer. Pressing another sloppy baby kiss to his cheek and hugging around his neck, she sighed soft. "Papa..."

"Shh, I know. Just go to sleep, okay?" Roger laid her down once more, watching her yawn and her eyes blink heavily.

"Okay, papa..." Lila yawned again, curling up and falling asleep after only a few minutes.

Quietly, Roger slipped out of the room and bit his fist before sliding down the wall to the ground. He pulled his phone out and dialed the only person he could call in a moment like this.

"Freddie... Brian left."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

As upset as he was, he couldn't help but find the sight of Freddie sprinting down the street at nine o'clock at night at least a little bit funny as he watched from the window.

Don't get him wrong, he was still distraught, but the sight of the older man bent over huffing after running just a few houses down had the blond laughing a bit to himself. Leave it to Freddie to make him laugh when everything was wrong.

"I'm coming, darling!!" He yelled outside, likely disturbing quite a few neighbors. Roger just shook his head before going and opening the door.

"Hey, Freddie."

"Darling, my god. You look terrible!" Freddie shoved him inside, shutting the door and tackling the younger man in a hug. "I love you, I do. But, Roger...what did you do?"

Roger sighed, tears pooling in his eyes again. "I don't know. Brian got a job offer in Spain on some fucking island... He didn't tell me and I kind of freaked out. He wanted it and I just...I couldn't stand being the reason he turned away his dream job. He'd hate me! Maybe not now, but years from now, he'd look at Lila and I and just think about the opportunities he missed. I could deal with it if it were just me, but I won't let him think of Lila like that."

Freddie sighed, pulling back from the hug and looking at him with a frown. "That's bullshit. He'd never blame you or Lila and you know it. He's a grown man, he can make his own decisions."

"He said this was all just...playing a part, Fred. He doesn't love me, he doesn't want this." Roger wiped his eyes harshly. "And I can't force him to."

"You're both so fucking stupid." Freddie said with a sigh. "God, why can't you see how in love you both are! Deaky and I had a bet on who'd propose first!"

"Whoa! We've only been together four months!" Roger interrupted him, putting his hands up defensively.

"Don't even try to tell me that you would've said no if he asked." Freddie rolled his eyes, pulling the blond over to the couch. "This is a mistake, Roger. You're made for each other! Couples fight, Jim and I fight! Mostly over the garden, but still!" The older man sighed, putting a hand on Rogers shoulder. "I've never seen you this happy with someone. God, you've never even loved anyone you were with before. I can't sit back and watch this end. You can't throw away a love like that, Rog."

"Oh god, you're right!" Roger frowned, a groan escaping his throat. "I have to fix this, first thing tomorrow I'm going to his parents and telling him to stay."

"Good, good!" Freddie grinned, throwing an arm around the blond. "We need our number two neighborhood couple back."

"Who's number one?" Roger cocked an eyebrow.

"Me and Jim, you bitch. Ronnie and Deaks are third. Mary and David are last, only because I'm about ninety-nine percent sure he's gay and having an affair with Paul the Perv." Freddie crosses his legs, shaking his head disapprovingly. "And I have theories. Okay, so you know how David's always going on those business trips?..."

Roger snorted, propping his chin on his arm and listening as Freddie delved into more neighborhood drama. He felt better, as he would just let things cool down for the night before talking to Brian in the morning.

It was the perfect plan.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

And that's exactly what he did. He left the house around ten, leaving Lila with Freddie and Jim.

The entire drive was filled with nervous jitters. What if Brian was really done with him? What if the job meant more to him than Roger and Lila?

He shook his head, swallowing the lump in his throat. He could do this! He could get Brian back!

Roger bit his lip, his mind overflowing with thoughts. Was he being selfish? He was tearing Brian away from his dream job just because he didn't want to be alone!

No! It was because he loved him! Because they belonged together!

"We both said things we regret..." Roger spoke softly to himself. "But if we end this, I think that will be the biggest regret of my life."

He'd practiced the speech a thousand times during the thirty minute drive, still, he felt nervous as he parked in Ruth and Harold Mays driveway.

"Just apologize and let him choose." Roger sighed, rubbing his watery eyes. He'd never been more nervous in his life.

Biting his lip, he turned off the car and climbed out. Each step to the door felt as if cinderblocks were attached to his feet, slowly getting more and more heavy.

When he finally reached the door, he raised his fist slowly before delivering a few hesitant knocks. The wait seemed to last a thousand years until he heard the lock click and the door swung open to reveal the confused face of Ruth May.

"Roger? What are you doing here, dear?" Ruth asked carefully, glancing over her shoulder.

"Hi, Ruth. I'm sorry for coming by without calling, I just need to talk to Brian." Roger tried to hide the desperation in his voice, but failed miserably. Something deep down twisted painfully when her face dropped.

"I'm sorry, dear, but he just left for the airport a while ago." Ruth frowned, crossing her arms over her chest to combat the cold air spilling into her home.

"H-He left for the airport?" Roger gaped. He hadn't expected him to leave so soon!

"He accepted a job out in Tenerife late last night and his boss ordered him an early morning flight." Ruth sighed, shaking her head. "We tried to talk him out of it, we did, but he insisted that it was all he had left." The disapproval of those words shined in Ruth's eyes as she clasped his shoulder. "You might be able to catch him before the flight takes off. I think he said BA1476 was his flight number."

Roger nodded quickly, throwing a quick 'thank you' over his shoulder as he raced to his car. He threw the car in reverse and sped out of the neighborhood, fast enough to get somewhere without actually getting pulled over or arrested.

He hardly remembered the drive to Heathrow, his mind racing along with the car. He had to make it in time. He just had to.

Repeating the flight number under his breath, he threw the car in park and ran into the airport. His lungs were burning from running all the way across the parking lot, but he ignored the pain in favor of scanning the airport for any sign of curly hair.

“Come on, Bri...” Roger muttered quietly, his eyes finally falling on the door to his flight. He ran faster than before, getting stopped by security along the way. “Wait! No! I’ve got to get on that plane, someone’s on if that shouldn’t be!”

“Do they have a ticket?” The man asked, staring down at him.

“Well, yes, but-”

“Any deadly weapons?”

“Of course not, but-”

“Then no can do. I can’t let you through without a ticket.” The man crossed his arms.

“He has a daughter here. He’s making a mistake! If he leaves, I don’t know when he’s coming back! Please, I just need to talk to him! Check me out, I’ve got nothing on me!” Roger practically threw his phone, wallet, and keys down on the table and put his arms out.

The man sighed, doing a quick run down on him before sending him through. He sent a quick message to not let him take off on any planes.

Roger gave him a thankful smile and ran as fast as he could to the gate, bending over and drawing in harsh breaths. “Need...flight...BA1476...” He said between breaths.

The woman stared at him for a few moments, a steady frown on her pale face. “Sir, I’m sorry, but that flight left five minutes ago.”

Roger stared blankly at her, jaw clenching tightly. This couldn’t be happening. Brian would be right behind him, making fun of him for running around the airport for an hour trying to find him. Brian would’ve got off the flight, realizing the mistake he made, that they both made.

But it wasn’t a movie. That shit didn’t happen in real life. Roger turned around and saw crowds of people going off on their Christmas holidays. Brian wasn’t among them, he was thousands of feet in the air going to do what he’s always wanted.

A silent tear slid down Roger’s rosy cheek as he stared out the window at the flights taking off. The same ones that took his love away. With a shaky breath, he turned and walked towards the exit.

He’d left the house today with every intention of fixing what had been broken, he just never anticipated there being nothing left to fix.

He was grateful when he got home that only Freddie was there, two cups of hot tea and arms wide open. He ended up throwing himself into the older mans arms and choking out the words he never wanted to say.

“He’s really gone, isn’t he?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, ouch - sorry. 
> 
> Second, thanksgiving was just as awful as it is every year and consisted of me taking care of my drunk sister and a shitload of kids and ended with a broken window and hole in the wall 
> 
> Anyway-
> 
> Peace ✌🏻


	24. Blue Christmas

Breakups were always hard. Simple fact that everyone knows. But somehow, it was even worse this time.

Usually, Roger would nurse his breakups with his liquor cabinet and a few pints of ice cream. Ben and Jerry were the only men he could count on in those days.

But those breakups didn't leave anything more than a scratch, a small bruise that faded into nothing as the days passed. Those breakups he could hardly recall.

But this time? It was like a bullet to the chest, a shot to the heart. It was a wound that was unfixable, gaping deep - bottomless.

It was a pain that couldn't be healed with liquor and ice cream.

"I don't know what to do, Freddie." Roger was curled up on the couch, resting his head on the armrest with the phone pressed against his ear. "He was supposed to be here. He said he'd never leave and I pushed him away."

"I know, darling, I know." Freddie sighed. It was Christmas Eve, only fifteen minutes until Christmas Day. "Maybe he'll call? It's Christmas, he has to call. At least for Lila."

"It's been three weeks, he hasn't called or anything! He didn't even say goodbye to her!" Roger worked himself up again, his breath coming out in shuddered pants. "I-I can't do this alone, Freddie, I can't raise her alone! She k-keeps asking about him and looking for him and I don't know what to do!"

"You know what? Fuck Brian. He decided to leave his family, not you. You and Lila are coming over to my house, we'll invite Deaky and his army of kids. We'll all have dinner and you won't be alone." Freddie tried to console him through the phone, frowning when he heard another strangled sob.

"This isn't just about Christmas, Freddie! This is about her entire life!" Roger sniffled, pressing his face into the couch cushion. "I miss Clare. I need her so bad and she's gone. I miss Brian, and he's gone. Now it's just me and Lila, and I don't know what to do! I just...I don't know what to do."

"It'll be okay. I'm here for you every step of the way, Rog." Freddie's voice was soothing enough to calm his breathing, but the feeling of dread still weighed heavily in his stomach.

"I never thought I'd be a single parent, I didn't even want kids." Roger bit his lip, pulling the blanket around him tighter. "What if I'm not enough? What if I fuck everything up? I don't know how to raise a child!"

"Roger, you're not alone in this. You have me and Jim, Ronnie and John, and I'm even sure Mary would help. Lila is going to grow up perfect because she's surrounded with people that love her, just like her papa." Freddie said softly, his voice more genuine than Roger had ever heard. "I know this is hard and it hurts, but it'll be okay. It's alright to hurt, darling, you're allowed to hurt."

"This isn't just about me, Fred." Roger sat up, shaking his head. "How could he leave Lila too? God, I thought he considered her family, considered her his daughter!"

The anger in his voice was rising, Freddie frowned as he heard the younger man work himself up further. "Now, Roger-"

"No! He said he wouldn't leave and he did. He said he'd be here and he isn't!" Roger slumped back into the couch. "Lila doesn't deserve this. She lost two parents already, now she's lost another one."

"It's not fair, I know. But she still has you." Freddie sighed, the sad tone in his voice was more than clear. "Everything will be alright with time."

"I know, Fred." Roger said, swallowing the lump in his throat.

"Rog, darling, you should get some sleep. Don't worry too much over this, okay? I'll be over in the morning." Freddie yawned.

"Yeah, alright. 'Night, Fred." Roger said softly, his mind still racing.

"Goodnight, dear."

He watched as the clock struck midnight and wiped away his tears. His mind filling with thoughts of Brian and what he was doing. How he was doing.

"Goodnight, Bri..." He whispered softly. "Happy Christmas..."

Finally, the exhaustion caught up with him, unhappily drifting off to sleep.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Hey! May!"

Brian's head snapped up to see a few of his colleagues grinning at him with beers in hand. It was 11:45pm on Christmas Eve and Brian wanted nothing to do with them.

"What do you got there?" Henry, the second leading researcher of their study, asked, leaning over his shoulder to peak at what the curly haired man had in his hands.

He didn't even try to hide the ring he'd been toying with, along with the picture he had printed a few days prior to his breakup. The picture was the one of Roger holding Lila on his lap as she played with his drum kit. The same picture that once told him he made the right decision was now a screeching reminder of how wrong he was.

The job wasn't worth the money, the recognition, or the experience. The job was just a job, a dreadful one at that.

Brian was homesick. He had been the moment he stepped foot on the plane. The second they announced take off. He didn't belong in Tenerife. He belonged in London.

_He shot out of the seat, rushing towards the front of the plane. He had to get off, he was making the worst mistake of his life!_

_"Let me off!" He shouted, rushing to the door. A stewardess followed quickly behind him, concern evident on her face._

_"Sir, please get back to your seat!" She urged, grabbing his arm. "We're about to take off!"_

_"No, no. I have to get off. My daughter, my family...I-I have to get off, please just let me off!" Brian's breathing quickened as he tried to push towards the door._

_"Okay, just give me one moment. Calm down and I'll go and see about getting you off the plane." She explained calmly, receiving a shaky nod from the taller man._

_She didn't even get through the doorway before the plane shook. Brian watched out the window as the plane began moving, the building disappearing as they went higher and higher._

_He felt his throat constrict, tears pooling in his eyes at the realization of what he'd done._

_He lost them._

"Who's that?"

Brian's attention was brought back to the colleagues, the bitter memory pushed to the back of his mind. He cleared his throat, looking up at them. "My daughter and my... my Roger."

He watched their faces turn from playful to sympathetic. A heavy hand was rested on his shoulder. His eyes raised to meet the sad smile of the study director, Anita.

"It's hard leaving people behind. Leaving home isn't easy for us or the ones we love. I'm sure they're missing you too." She said, moving to sit beside him. "It's hard being away from family, especially around the holidays."

Brian nodded as tears stung in his eyes. He couldn't look away from the picture or the feeling of the ring in his hand. It was more than it seemed. In his hands he held what he was so certain was his future, but was now so far from reach that he could hardly see it.

A few pats on the back and some sympathetic smiles later, Brian was left alone once more. Through the tears in his eyes, he watched the clock strike twelve.

"Happy Christmas, my loves..." He whispered, tucking the picture underneath his pillow. "Goodnight."

As he drifted off, his mind wandered to what could have been if only he had gotten off that bloody plane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah! Sorry it's so short! All I can say is it's finals week and I've still got Christmas presents to wrap (I haven't started lol) 
> 
> This chapter is less of a filler and more ~what's going on~, just as the next one should be. But it'll likely be longer! (I said likely, so don't quote me😂)
> 
> Anyway is 3:30am!
> 
> Peace ✌🏻


	25. Blue Christmas (Part II)

** _December 25, 2018_ **

"Roggie, put your bags over here!"

Roger grinned over at his sister, tossing his bag in the corner before rushing over to Matt. "Where's my flower?" He asked, smiling wider when the taller man laughed and handed him the six month old baby.

"Careful, she just ate." Matt warned, as the blond spun the giggling baby around.

"She likes me too much to get sick all over me! Isn't that right, flower?" Roger grinned, watching her laugh at his baby voice.

"Matty, he's riling her up to puke all over Brian." Clare snorted, snatching her baby back. "Behave, Rog. He's not even here yet."

"Late again?" Roger snorted, taking Lila once more. "And I wasn't going to use her as a vomit canon on him! ...anymore."

"He's coming from his parents place, so his lateness is excused this time." Matt chuckled, tickling under his daughters chin.

"Is he bringing that Anita girl?" Clare asked, looking over her shoulder as she grabbed down the wine glasses. She was currently perched up on the counter as to be able to reach them.

"She broke up with him a few days ago, actually." Matt sighed, shaking his head. "Really thought that one would stick... He's probably still upset over it, so no one mention her."

"Okay, so only four wine glasses." Clare grabbed them and climbed down before pointing a finger at her brother. "Don't get drunk and don't fight with Brian, this is Christmas — my baby's first Christmas, I'll kick your ass. I'm bloody serious."

"Fine, but if Brian starts something-"

"No! Neither of you will start anything!" Clare glared at him, jabbing her finger into his chest. "No. Fighting."

"No fighting." Roger sighed, rocking the small baby in his arms and pecking the top of her head. "First Christmas and mommy is already a nut."

Clare rolled her eyes while the doorbell rang out, pushing past her brother to go grab the door. "No fighting!!" She called before pulling the door open.

"Happy Christmas, Clare!" Brian grinned, setting down his bags to give the small blond a hug.

"Happy Christmas!" She said, pulling away and beaming up at him. "Lila's just in the lounge. Matt's got dinner started and presents are under the tree!"

"Who in the bloody fuck eats dinner at 3:30 in the afternoon?" Roger called from the other room, followed by a barely constrained cackle from Matt.

"We do now!!" Clare called back, rolling her eyes. "He doesn't get it." She sighed, grabbing one of Brian's bags and leading him to the lounge. "You're staying the night?"

"I was going to head back to mine after, actually." Brian shrugged, watching as Clare slipped the bag of presents under the tree.

"Come on! We have a goddamn guest room that no one ever uses! You're both staying, it's Christmas and...please?" Clare gave both Roger and Brian a wide eyed look that made the two men sigh.

"Fine," Roger huffed, glancing to Brian who nodded timidly.

"Roads were a bit icy on the way here." Brian shrugged.

"We only have one guest room, so I hope you don't mind sharing." Matt scratched the back of his neck with a small grin.

"Okay, I'll take the couch." Roger scoffed before turning his attention back to the baby.

Brian watched with a small frown as Roger walked away to set her down with her toys. "He really hates me."

"He doesn't hate you." Clare sighed, watching her brother play with her daughter. "He's just...a little guarded."

"It's been nearly four years, Clare. You'd think he'd warm up by now." Brian shook his head. "Every time I try and be a bit nice, he's snaps back at me." He sighed, looking down at her before shifting his eyes to the other blond in the room. "I've been trying to be nice, I have."

Clare sighed, putting an arm around him. "I'm sure he'll figure himself out soon."

Brian nodded, his eyes never leaving the blond man as Roger finally looked over at him. At first, he thought he saw the ghost of a smile on his lips and a pale blush on his cheeks, but it quickly faded into a scowl and roll of the eyes.

God was it going to be a long day.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Everything was mostly fine, Brian and Roger had stayed indifferent towards each other (aka ignoring each other for the most part, a few subtle comments to Roger, and a few snide remarks to Brian).

Yes, everything was fine. Fine until a loud crash was heard from the lounge, followed by a pained yelp. It didn't sound good, and surely, it didn't look good either.

Roger, Brian, and Clare rushed to the kitchen to find Matt on the ground, clutching his arm in front of the fireplace.

"I fell." Matt said through clenched teeth as Clare quickly helped him up. She examined his arm with a light gasp. "Mistletoe’s up..."

"Holy shit, Matt, it's broken!" She yelled out with wide eyes before her husband swallowed back the quickly rising bile. His arm was bent at an angle and god was it nasty. He also had the beginning of a bump on his head.

"Hospital?" He squeaked.

Brian and Roger exchanged a panicked look as Clare nodded. "Boys, watch the baby. We'll be back as soon as we can." She said quickly, pulling her husband off the floor and grabbing her keys.

The two men watched with wide eyes as the couple left the house in a rush, Clare pulling out of the driveway in a fever.

Slowly they turned to each other, faces full of horror. They were alone...with a baby!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Lila screamed for the first two hours, inconsolable as soon as she realized not one, but both of her parents were absent from the house. They'd tried feeding her, burping her, giving her a little bit of water. It was nearly 9pm and she was still crying.

They'd even changed her diaper, launching into a very heated argument about who would actually change it before the older of the two admitted he didn't know how. Roger angrily snatched the nappy and wipes, huffing and puffing as he changed the diaper.

As soon as he finished clapping the diaper back together, she continued the tantrum. Screeching like a banshee, likely waking every single neighbor on the street. Nothing they did soothed her!

Nothing until Brian began humming along to "Blue Christmas" as it played softly on the radio. The soft humming turned to soft singing just as loud cried turned to quiet sniffles.

Roger just stared in amazement. He never expected Brian to sing so...beautifully. He decided to ignore the twisting he felt in his belly as he watched the scene unfold. He nearly jumped when the hazel eyes moved to meet his own.

"She's asleep." Brian whispered, a smile playing on his lips. "Look..."

Roger bit his lip, letting his eyes fall to rest on the baby lying in Brian's arms. Their niece, their beautiful, perfect little niece was sleeping peacefully.

"Wow..." He breathed, lifting his gaze to share a small smile with Brian, "You did good, Bri."

"Thanks, Rog." He grinned bashfully, looking away as he moved towards the stairs. "I'll go put her upstairs."

Roger nodded, watching the taller man climb the stairs to put their niece to bed and ignored just how much his heart fluttered when Brian smiled at him over his shoulder.

The blond sighed, sitting down beside the fireplace and warming his hands as his mind filled with confusing thoughts. Before he could indulge in analyzing the thoughts, another body plopped beside him.

"Guess she was tired." Brian said softly, watching the fire cracking in the stone fireplace.

"Didn't think of that..." Roger cleared his throat, glancing at the other man from the corner of his eye.

"Me neither." He chuckled, bumping their shoulders together. "Guess we don't babysit enough."

"I guess not." Roger huffed a laugh, looking over to Brian and sending him a small grin. "You're pretty good with her."

"Yeah?" Brian's smile widened as he turned to face him better. Rogers eyes were nearly glowing in the firelight, captivating Brian's gaze. He couldn't look away even if he tried.

"Yeah..." He shuffled a bit closer, tilting his head to the side as the smiled at one another.

"You know, we're sat right under the mistletoe." Brian pointed up at the hanging plant, the other man letting out a small chuckle without looking away.

Just as Roger was about to lean in, a flash of light broke their attention away from each other. Roger quickly came to his senses and launched away from the older man with a deep blush on his cheeks.

"Aw! Guys, that's such a cute picture!" Clare stood, grinning as she shook the Polaroid. "You were being nice to each other!"

"Nothing happened! Brian was being weird!" Roger stammered, crossing his arms and avoiding Brian's eyes.

"I was not!" Brian argued, frowning over at the blond.

"Ugh!" Roger scoffed, pushing past his sister into the kitchen.

"Sorry for ruining the moment." Clare smiled sheepishly. "It's a really cute picture."

"How's Matt?" Brian shook his head, pushing away from the subject as he cleared his throat.

"Broken arm, bruise on his head. He'll be okay, skipped right past you two lovebirds to go upstairs." Clare plopped down beside him, throwing an arm over his shoulder. "I still think you two are perfect for each other."

Brian just shook his head and smiled. He couldn't find it in himself to deny or confirm her beliefs. He'd always hoped that him and Roger could eventually be friends.

Only time would tell.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_ **December 25, 2019** _

_ **One Year Later** _

Roger stared at the old Polaroid. Their smiling faces, blissfully unaware of the camera. He'd forgotten that moment, pushing it aside as he figured it was just Brian being sad after a breakup and him being lonely during the holidays.

But maybe it was so much more.

So much had changed. He’d lost his sister, his friend, and what he thought was the true love of his life. He felt nostalgic looking back at the picture, remembering the serenity of the moment, the happy look on his sisters face. Maybe if he’d have just kissed him, he wouldn’t have left.

Life was full of maybes’. The word was haunting and torturous, yet calming at times. Now it just felt like a knife driven through his chest. All the maybes’ were bouncing around in his head, but they didn’t matter.

It didn't matter, not anymore at least. Maybe they'd always had feelings, at least on Rogers side of things. Brian was likely happy as could be with his science trip, living it up on some island staring as Pluto or some shit. He wasn't exactly sure why he had to leave the country to look at the fucking sky when you could see it anywhere. Google it even, what more was there to know in fucking Spain?

He rubbed his face tiredly as he wondered if Brian was happy. It killed him to think that maybe — just maybe, Brian was thriving.

Brian didn't have to think for three anymore, as he said before he left. He didn't have to struggle to make ends meet, as Roger currently had to do now more than ever. He was with people who understood him. He was exactly where he wanted to be, two-thousand miles away.

The tears that stung in his eyes rolled down the sides of his face, dampening his disheveled hair. It hurt to think Brian was doing okay when Roger was just barely staying afloat. It hurt to find the few presents Brian had left behind for Lila, even more to find the one left behind for him.

For one present, he'd gotten Lila a toy that she loved during one of their outings. Roger had realized Brian bought it, as the taller man had coaxed the toddler to give it up before leaving the store. A few tears were shed, following a full meltdown and Roger put up a fight about just letting her have it, to which Brian said money was too tight.

Sneaky bastard.

Roger rolled over in the bed, staring at the perfectly wrapped box on his dresser. He couldn't bring himself to open the present left for him. He didn't know why, he simply just couldn't.

Lila seemed to enjoy her Christmas, with Freddie getting her almost as many presents, if not more than Roger. It was a mixed affair of the Deacons, Freddie, and Jim, along with Mary's little family.

He managed to smile through it all, wishing everyone a happy Christmas while ignoring the whispered questioning of Brian's whereabouts. It was a long day, but Lila seemed happy enough.

It was the first day she didn't ask for Brian, up until Roger let her open the presents. He hadn't expected the fit of tears that followed when she realized he wasn't there and had to choke back his own emotions as he comforted the small child who continuously cried for ‘daddy’. It tore him to shreds, yet he held himself together with the thinnest of threads.

Being alone on a holiday was rough. Being alone in itself was terrible. Being alone with a child though? That was agonizing.

Waking up alone in bed was something he'd grown used to in his single years, besides the occasional fling or shag he'd have here and there. But that was the past. Now he sat alone, Christmas Day fading away as the moonlight flooded though the window, staring at the damn box Brian left him.

He couldn’t take one more second, climbing out of bed with tears in his eyes, he grabbed his phone and dialed the number. He didn’t want to be alone anymore, he couldn’t be alone anymore.

“Hello?”

The voice was smooth and calm, despite likely being tired from being woken up so late. Roger almost felt guilty as he bit his lip and pressed the phone harder against his ear before letting out a shaky breath.

“Hey, Sam, it’s me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry late Christmas and a happy (late lol) new year! 
> 
> The gift is indeed important, what do you think it is?? 
> 
> Did ya expect that ending tho??
> 
> Peace ✌🏻


	26. I Do Not Like Rebounds, Sam I Am

Everyone has had that moment where you just sit there, staring ahead with one thought in mind:

'I really fucked up.'

Roger laid stiffly in bed, staring at the ceiling with stinging eyes. What had he done? Loneliness had consumed him like a thick, black sludge. It suffocated him into a numb, empty state. He'd wanted to feel something again, anything.

But now all he felt was guilt and anguish.

He laid there, naked body covered by the thick blanket of the unfamiliar bed. Bile rose in his throat as the arms of the man next to him tightened around his waist.

Sam. 

Roger slowly came to his senses, clenching his jaw as tears flowed from his eyes. Lila was at Freddie's, and he should've been too. Instead he was off in some mans bed hating himself.

Slowly, he climbed out of the bed and slipped his clothes on. Glancing at the sleeping figure, he sighed. He really was an idiot sometimes.

Padding out of the room, he grabbed his phone and called Freddie. He swallowed the lump in his throat as the groggy voice answered.

"Rog? It's three in the bloody morning! Why aren't you sleeping? I thought you were sleeping in the guest room?" Freddie's voice was nothing short of tired and annoyed.

"I really messed up." Rogers voice was thick, his throat tightening as he held back guilty tears. He wasn't even sure what he had to be guilty about, it wasn't like he cheated.

But it sure as hell felt like it.

Freddie was fully awake now, worry coursing through his veins as he slapped Jims head to wake him up. He was met with an annoyed glare from the now awake man.

"I'll be right back, lovey." Freddie pecked the agitated mans nose before getting out of bed, pulling on a pair of joggers.

"Did you have to wake me just so you could leave the bed?" Jim huffed, rolling over to go back to sleep. Freddie just shrugged before slipping out of the room and down the stairs to sit in the lounge.

"Explain, dear." Freddie said, his voice calm enough to make Roger feel as if the older man wouldn't tear him apart for what he did.

"I called Sam." Roger muttered over the phone.

"No..." Freddie gasped.

"And I slept with him..."

"God fucking dammit, Roger you-" Freddie took in a deep breath before slowly exhaling. "If I go grey before thirty it's your fucking fault. What were you thinking?!"

"Can you come get me? Please?"

Every bit of anger the former felt towards the blond immediately disappeared when he heard how his voice shook. He could tell he was close to crying, if he wasn't already.

Freddie frowned, hugging his free arm around himself. He hated driving, instead he felt as if he should have someone else drive him places. But his best friend needed him, expired license (whoops) or not. "I'll be there soon..."

And soon it was, Freddie broke nearly twenty traffic laws as he followed the directions the blond had given him. He was at least 98% sure he'd even cut off a police officer, somehow escaping a ticket (thankfully).

He'd expected the younger man to be sitting on the stoop with an unhappy look, looking a bit sad. He hadn't expected the sight he was met with upon getting out of the car.

Roger was sat on the stoop, tears swimming in his eyes. His nose and cheeks were flushed from what seemed like a crying episode. Freddie had never seen someone so upset about a regretful one night stand.

Before he could get a single word out, the blond ran into his arms and buried his face in Freddie's neck.

"I miss him, Fred. I miss him so damn bad." He choked out and it was enough to make tears prickle in his own eyes.

"I know, darling." He murmured against his hair. "I know."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was a small mistake. Minor slip up, they happen sometimes. You live and you learn, at least that's what Freddie thought.

Until he walked into work to find Sam leaning on the counter, flirting with his best friend one week after he consoled him in the mans front yard.

Sure, Brian and Roger had broken up. Sure, it didn't count as cheating. And sure, both parties were to blame for said breakup. But goddamn! Did Roger have to go for actual scum? So soon?

"Oh! Hey, Fred!" Roger greeted, though by his voice he could tell the blond was caught off guard. The older man rolled his eyes, staring hard at Sam.

"No loitering. You either buy something or get out." Freddie crossed his arms, glaring at the tall man. That bitch had nothing on Brian, his hair was straight and cropped and no where near as fluffy or nice as Brian's.

"Oh, sorry." Sam grinned, grabbing a random knickknack off the shelf and bringing it to the register.

"Not for sale." Freddie snatched it back, putting it where it was.

"Fred-" Roger frowned.

"Customers only." Freddie interrupted, Sam only sighing in response before turning to Roger.

"I'll see you tonight?" He leaned across the counter, a dejected smile on his face.

"Yeah, yeah. Of course." The blond cleared his throat, leaning in when the taller man pecked his lips.

Freddie watched as the other man left before turning to Roger with his hands on his hips. "What the hell?" He hissed. “Haven’t you learned, Roger?”

“Learned what?” The blond scoffed, turning around to focus on fixing the shelves just as Lila knocked another thing down.

“Learned what?!” The older man asked incredulously. “That your actions have consequences!!”

“You’re screeching like a bloody idiot, Fred.” Roger rolled his eyes, grabbing the pair of shoes from the giggling toddler.

“You are a bloody idiot!” Freddie glared at the carelessness that was obvious in the man’s tones, let alone his actions. “What would Brian think of this?”

Roger froze, his body stiffening as he raised his eyes to his best friend. His lips pulled back in a snarl as he glowered at the brunette. “Shut up.”

“You can’t go from crying over him to dating someone sack of shit over night! What kind of example are you setting for Lila, huh? Is this really what you want your daughter to see?” Freddie had had enough. The blonds angry looks did nothing more than add to the annoyance he felt. What Roger had with Brian was love, and you can’t just throw a love like that out to die.

Freddie watched his face crumble as the anger left, his blue eyes losing that fire and dying to a dull ash. “He left, Fred. I let him go and he left. What am I supposed to do?”

His voice came out in sullen anguish, the defeat was clear. He wasn’t looking to win a battle he knew he’d already lost.

“Lean on your friends, Rog. Lean on me. Not some birdbrained, two-timing asshole.” Freddie sighed, stepping towards the younger man and pulling him into a hug. “You’re allowed to be sad, Rog. You’re allowed to be angry, but you’re not allowed to tear yourself apart like this. I won’t let you.”

Roger opened his mouth to speak, his eyes shining with the beginnings of tears when he felt a little hand tug in his sleeve. He looked down to see a pair of sparkling blue eyes and pouted out lips staring up at him. 

“Daddy?” Her voice was gentle and clear, shattering his heart into countless pieces as she held up a picture frame. “Daddy?”

Roger’s sullen eyes flickered up to Freddie as he took the picture before wordlessly trailing down to the picture. It was one Clare had gifted him after Lila’s first birthday, the picture he’d taken with the one year old with Brian beside him. His smile was blinding, making Rogers eyes sting at the sight. Perhaps that was just the tears that had begun to cloud his vision. Lila had called him daddy again. He wasn’t sure what she was meant to call him now.

“Rog-”

“I’m sorry, I’m gonna take the rest of the day off.” Roger dropped the picture on the register, a small crack forming in the center of the picture as the glass began to break. The younger man scooped up the toddler, grabbing his bag before rushing out the door without another word.

Freddie was left to stare at the broken frame with a heavy heart.

Wherever Brian was, Freddie hoped he felt just as miserable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I've been lacking in the whole updating thing and I apologize. Life's a bitch and I don't want to be an adult anymore :(
> 
> Anyway, hope y'all liked it 
> 
> Peace ✌🏻


	27. What To Do Now

** _Five Months Later_ **

** _May 2020_ **

"How are they?"

Of all the things he'd been expecting that day, such as new designs from Roger, his dry cleaning, and maybe a bouquet or two from his lovely fiancé...he was not expecting this.

Brian's name had popped up on his phone just as he woke up, Freddie answered it immediately with a long string of profanities and threats. Brian counted six different languages mixed in with the insults, prompting even more obscenities to be yelled at him when he voiced his confusion.

"Horrible, Brian. Terrible. What the hell were you thinking?" Freddie huffed, waving off his fiancé who was now sat up with a curious expression. He'd of course tell him later, but for now he had to guilt trip the curly bitch into coming back to his family. For everyone's sake, well, not so much Sam's.

But fuck Sam, anyway. (Not literally, Roger, goddamn.)

"He told me to leave." Brian argued weakly. He knew he shouldn't have listened. Roger was hurt, he felt betrayed because Brian was hiding things from him. Of course he would explode. Most people would in that situation.

"He didn't mean it, genius. Did you sell all of your brain cells for your PhD?" Freddie scoffed. "If I had a dollar for every time Roger said something shitty to me during a fight, I'd be richer than the bloody Queen!"

Brian sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. He knew Roger had a temper, but he told him to leave! What else could he have done? He didn't realize that he'd voiced his thoughts out loud until he heard Freddie's voice once more.

"You should've let him cool down. You should have waited. Roger isn't stupid, Bri. He went to your parents house the next morning, tail between his legs and ready to apologize only to find out you were gone. Really, truly gone." He paused, taking a shaky breath. "You didn't have to see him break down, the way his face was crumbled and broken. The way his heart shatters when Lila calls out for her daddy. You don't have to see that, but I do."

"Fred-"

"No, Brian. It doesn't matter what you could've done then, you can't change that. It matter what you're going to do now, which is buy a fucking plane ticket and get your ass home."

Freddie was right. Well, obviously he was right. Not only that, but he had a way with persuasion. Brian swore he'd climb to the top of the Eiffel Tower and jump off if he'd asked.

Well, figuratively anyway.

Brian sighed, rubbing a hand over his face before muttering a soft, "okay".

"Okay? Okay what?" The older man scoffed over the phone.

"Okay, I'm coming home."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"I thought I'd at least have to tell him that Roger fucked Sam."

Jim's head shot up from looking at his book. "Roger fucked Sam?"

"Jesus, Jim, we've talked about this! It's been months! Oh wait, no. Sorry, dear. I must've told Delilah." Freddie shot his fiancé a sheepish smile.

"Yes, because we look so much alike." Jim rolled his eyes with a chuckle before sobering up and sighing. "Freddie, when's he coming home?"

"He booked a flight for tomorrow morning. He convinced his boss that he'll finish the rest of his work from London." Freddie shrugged. "It's good."

"Rogers going to murder him." Jim sighed, looking back to his book.

"Yeah, at first."

"You can only die once." Jim glanced up at him to see the man stifling a giggle.

"That's a very depressing version of YOLO, darling." Freddie joked before moving to sit closer to him. "I mean, he'll be pissed at first, but he'll get over it eventually and they'll be a family again."

"I don't know, Freddie, Roger holds grudges pretty well." Jim frowned.

"Yeah, he does." Freddie shook his head with a smile. "But not with Brian."

"Didn't he hold a grudge against him for the booty call ordeal for five years?" He cocked an eyebrow to which Freddie scoffed.

"It was four, and that was only because he was hiding the fact that he was in love with him." Freddie rolled his eyes.

"I'm still skeptical." Jim sighed and Freddie smiled to himself.

"Well, we'll just have to wait and see."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:
> 
> Oh my god he's back again 
> 
> (Shout out to you if you got the Backstreet Boys reference) 
> 
> Anyway, it's short but it's mostly just a "move things along" kinda chapter. Not too many chapters left of this, i don't think but nothing is decided yet so🤷🏻♀️
> 
> Peace ✌🏻


	28. Chapter 28

The terrible two's were real.

Lila hadn't even turned two yet, but between tantrums, constant hunger, and the clinginess, Roger was being driven insane.

He'd tried to confide in Freddie at first, but deemed it useless when the older man switched the conversation around to boast about how well behaved his cats were and how that's why he wasn't having any children. Roger rolled his eyes at that, like he had much of a choice in his own parenthood.

That being said, he loved Lila to death, he did. But being a single parent trying to run a business and still have a life? That was hard. A lot harder than he could have anticipated. At this point, his life was mainly just coming up with new clothing designs and going to the park with Deaky and his three children, though by the looks of Ronnie, soon to be four.

Roger swore those two were rabbits in disguise. Who the fuck is that fertile?

The blond sighed to himself as he leaned back on the couch, some Disney movie playing on the television as Lila was slumped against his side, fast asleep. Nights like this were usually his favorite, calm for the most part besides Lila's strange (and quite unintelligible) singing along to the movie. He was just happy she liked music, though he was beginning to feel his own parents pain when she began taking an interest in playing the drums "like papa".

By drums, she meant any surface with any type of stick.

He stood up carefully, picking up the toddler and letting her rest her head on his shoulder. His eyes drifted over to the box on the table. The box from Brian that had been left unopened for months. He decided tonight was the night to open it, it had been months since he'd last seen him. It was time to move on. To get closure.

Hell, maybe even burn whatever the hell was in the box. Or get Freddie to do it.

Walking past the box, he made his way up the stairs and into Lila's bedroom. He set her down gently in the crib after kissing her forehead. She was getting to be too big for the crib now, he thought. Maybe it was time to get her a real bed.

He ignored the pang in his chest at how Brian didn't get to see how much she'd grown. Did he even want to? Did he deserve to?

For awhile, Roger stood above the crib and watched the sleeping child below. The evenness of her breathing was calming and the small smile on her face warmed his heart.

His mind swam with distant memories. The day Clare and Matt had brought her home and let him meet her. Her first birthday. First Christmas. First night with him and Brian. Her first night as an orphan and Rogers first night without any of his family left, only Lila and Brian.

The memories drifted to the night Brian and him had watched the meteor shower, the night he got shot down twice. The night he'd been so desperate to feel something that he ended up breaking his own heart.

To the day they had napped together, waking up pressed together in the mid afternoon glow.

To Brian sleepily pecking his lips without a single thought.

To food fights and late night laughs.

To small arguments that ended in a kiss and a halfhearted apology.

To the life they'd created in such a short time, only for it to crumble at their feet. Only for the dust that remained to blow away in the wind, gone.

And all he had left was the distant memory of it all.

Roger rubbed the tears that stung in his eyes, kissing his little girl's head one more time before turning the light off and gently shutting the door. Walking back down the stairs, he started the kettle and made his way to the lounge, where he sat in front of the box.

It was as good a time as any. Closure was what he needed and that included opening and getting rid of whatever was in that box.

Just as he was beginning to untie the the ribbon on it, a loud knock came to the door. Roger huffed, standing up and walking to unlock it. It was late for a weeknight and he really wasn't expecting anyone, besides, his mood was quite sour at the moment due to the elephant in the room that was that bloody box.

In a swift movement he opened the door, looking up at the man that stood at his doorstep. He put his hand on his hip as his face hardened.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He spat, his eyes narrowing at he stared up at him.

"I want to talk."

"No."

"Please, Rog!"

"I told you, Sam. It was a one time thing. It was a mistake. You need to leave." Roger crossed his arms, his eyes showing pure annoyance.

"Come on, Roger. You know that we were meant for each other." Sam grabbed the door just as Roger was about to slam it. "Please, just give me a chance."

"It's been five months, you bloody idiot." Roger rolled his eyes.

"What did I do that was so wrong?!" Sam practically yelled, causing the blond to shove him out the door with a glare.

"First of all, my kid is sleeping, so be quiet." Roger said harshly, "And second, you fucked your assistant the day after asking me to be your boyfriend."

"It was a mistake!"

"You literally cheated on your wife with me." Roger rolled his eyes. "Piss off, Sam. I'm not falling for your bullshit anymore."

"Please-"

Before anymore of his annoying whining could reach his ears, Roger slammed the door in his face before locking it and returning to the couch. He sighed at the memories of the event.

Freddie didn't trust Sam and had looked into him a bit. By 'looked in', he meant that he followed him around, stalker style, and saw him take home his assistant. He didn't even have to stay long to see where it was heading. Roger thought back to that day, the feeling of dread at finding out. Sam didn't even try to deny it.

Roger wasn't even surprised, and that was the saddest part. He was beginning to believe that maybe he just didn't deserve love. Maybe he was just unlovable.

Pushing his emotions aside, he opened up the box.

At first, he was confused to find a plain white mug in the box. It wasn't until he picked up the ceramic cup and turned it around that he noticed the bold lettering that said, "Officially, the Worlds Greatest Papa".

The gesture was sweet, he found it hard to ignore the warmth that spread in his chest at the gift. He almost pushed the box aside until he saw a few papers sitting at the bottom of the box.

Carefully, he set the mug down and pulled the letters out.

As his eyes skimmed the pages, his hands began to shake. It was long before tears were trailing down his cheeks. He set the papers down and took a shaky breath, reading the title once more along with the letter written for him.

"PETITION FOR ADOPTION"

"Roger,

These past months have been the best of my life. Raising Lila as our own will forever be the greatest thing we've done. I love you both so much, I think it's time we make things official. Make Lila officially ours. All we need is your signature, I've already signed. I'm ready to begin the rest of our lives as Lila's dads.

To you, officially the worlds greatest papa.

Bri"

Roger read the paper again and again, tears flowing freely as he read the pages. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do.

So he just hung his head and cried.

He cried until he couldn't anymore. He cried until he didn't have any tears left. He cried for Brian. He cried for Lila.

And goddammit, he cried for himself.

By the time he'd calmed himself down, tucking the papers and mug back into the box, another knock came to the door.

Whether it was from exhaustion or just pure defeat, Roger pulled himself up to the door with a blank expression. He was ready to beg Sam to just leave him alone. He was tired of the man coming to his door day after day begging for forgiveness.

There was nothing to forgive. Roger felt nothing.

With a deep breath he pulled the door opened, looking up in a heated gaze with the beginnings of a rant on the tip of his tongue.

When he finally saw who was at the door, his face fell. His words died his his throat. His world came to a stop on that single moment.

"Hey, Rog. Can I come in?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot twist: it's Paul at the door lmao
> 
> Yeah I updated again, ya girl got bored and I'm ahead in my classes currently  
(not for long🤪)
> 
> This only has a few chapters left currently, so there's that!
> 
> Hope you all liked it, give me your true honest opinions! Do you think Brian deserves to be forgiven or nah? And why you think so!
> 
> Peace ✌🏻


	29. The Talk

Have you ever felt the level of awkward where you want to crawl into a hole, rip your skin off, and just cease to exist?

That's exactly how Roger felt as Brian sat across the table from him, two cups of tea untouched in front of them. Rogers leg bounced up and down as he sat silently. Leave it to Brian to render him speechless.

"You've been crying." He said softly, his voice sounded as if he just watched a puppy get kicked.

"I've got allergies." Roger muttered quietly, his eyes glued to the mug that sat in his hands.

"No, you don't."

"I don't."

Silence followed again. Who knew silence could be so loud? It was nearly deafening.

"I'm sorry." Brian's soft whisper broke the silence, the younger mans gaze lifted to finally meet his eyes.

"You left us."

There wasn't any venom in his voice. It was merely a heartbroken whisper as he looked at Brian. It had only been about six months since he'd last looked into those hazel eyes, but it felt like years. The anger had fizzled out after a couple months, sadness taking its place, then eventually a painful numbness had settled.

"I know." Brian replied, swallowing back the urge to cry. "I should've known better. I didn't mean what I said."

"Brian," Roger sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "You said this was all just a part you were playing. The house, Lila, me...all just a part that you played."

"I didn't mean that, Rog." Brian reached out for one of his hands only to have him pull it away. "I loved you. I still do. I was angry and confused and I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have put that on you."

"This isn't about me, Brian!" Roger snapped before taking a deep breath to calm himself. "This is about Lila. You left her. You didn't call, didn't write, didn't even send a fucking postcard!" Roger felt the anger rising again as he stared the older man down. "She wanted you, she needed you...and you weren't there. What would Matt think? Him and Clare trusted us to take care of her and you bailed. You left."

"That's not fair, Rog..." Brian bit his lip, tears stinging in his eyes. It wasn't fair, but Roger was right.

"It wasn't fair for Lila either." Roger clenched his jaw, his anger shimmering down and he let his eyes drift to the stairs. "What do you want, Brian? Why'd you come back? Why now?"

"It was a mistake ever leaving, Rog. I was going to get off the plane, I was. It took off before I could." Brian explained, willing his voice not to shake.

"And it took six months for another plane to come get you?" Roger cocked an eyebrow, obviously brushing the explanation off as an excuse.

"I was told that if I left, I'd be out of a job. I had to convince them to let me leave halfway through and Freddie called so I-"

"Freddie called?"

"I called Freddie, actually. Last night."

"That bitch didn't tell me." Roger muttered to himself, finally taking a drink of his now cold tea.

Brian watched the blond stare down at the table in deep thought before finally raising his gaze again.

"You never answered me. What do you want?" Roger had calmed down significantly, though his hands were anxiously fiddling with the tea bag string.

"I want to be a family again." Brian said, once again trying to take one of Rogers hands. The younger man pulled his hand away, shaking his head.

"So, what? You think you can just come back and everything will go back to how it was?" He scoffed. "Leave for half a year, no calls or anything, and you think that everything will go back to how it was?"

"Look, I know I hurt you and I know you're mad-"

"Mad? Mad, Brian? I'm furious! You left us! May I remind you, you left Lila! You said you'd never leave and you did!" Rogers voice rose, his hands trembling on the table. "You have no idea what it was like, Brian. You have no fucking clue, do you?"

"Roger, I-"

"No! Day after day, I've had to watch Lila look for you and call for you. She cried for you and you left. You didn't even call, Brian. You didn't do shit. You just...you just left. She already lost her parents, then she had to go and lose you too. And that? That's not okay." Roger stared him down across the table.

“I’m not expecting you to forgive me, Rog. Hell, I don’t even forgive myself.” Brian sighed, rubbing a hand across his jaw at the short beard he’d grown since he’d been gone. Not much time to shave, not much motivation either.

“Then why’d you come back?” Roger cocked his head to the side, his eyes burning into Brian’s.

“I just want to be part of her life. I want to be what Matt wanted. I want to be what Clare wanted. I... I want to be the man that you wanted, Rog. I want to be here, with you. With Lila. Even if we aren’t together, I want to be in your lives. I just wish I would’ve realized sooner.” Brian clenched his jaw, his gaze falling to the table where he had his hands clasped together.

“How can I trust you?” Roger asked softly. “How can I trust that you won’t leave again?” His voice was more firm as he desperately tried to cling onto the anger he felt, despite it fading at the other mans words.

Brian silently looked at him, tears swimming in his eyes. He tried to hold them back the best he could, but they slid down his cheek and splashed onto the table. Roger felt his heart break all over again from that look.

“I need time, Bri.” Roger finally spoke, unshed tears in his own eyes. His use of Brian’s nickname didn’t go unnoticed, as the older man became slightly less tense. “I can’t just... forget.”

“I know.”

They stared at each other for a moment before Roger sighed. “But Lila is yours too. Legally, at least.”

Brian’s entire demeanor lighted at those words. “So I can see her?”

“If you really mean what you said, if you’re really not going to leave again... Then, yeah. You can see her.” He looked at him, his eyebrows raised in question.

“I meant it, Rog. I meant it.” Brian confirmed.

“Alright. I’ll see you in the morning then.” Roger stood up, making his way towards the stairs.

“What time should I be here?” Brian asked, causing the blond to stop in his tracks with a confused look.

“What do you mean? You’ve got your bags with you. I’m not making you go to some hotel. Sleep on the couch, Bri. I’ll see you in the morning.” He said, turning back around and climbing the stairs and disappearing into his bedroom, leaving the dumbfounded man to stare where he once stood.

He looked to the couch, then to the coffee table where he saw the present he’d left behind. He hadn’t expected Roger to keep it after what had happened. He’d mostly expected the papers to be burned and the mug to be smashed with a hammer.

Brian smiled slightly as he got himself situated on the couch. The fact that Roger hadn’t thrown him out immediately meant that he didn’t absolutely hate him, even if he believed he deserved every bit of Rogers hatred. Maybe he still had a chance to fix his family. Roger said needed time, so he’d wait.

He’d wait forever, if he had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I updated again, tf?
> 
> Thoughts on this chapter? Loved it? Hated it? Want to take a hammer and smash it like a mug? Feedback is encouraged! 
> 
> Peace ✌🏻


	30. The Morning After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little FYI, Lila is a week or so shy of two. I based her growth around what my little nephew (he's 2 1/2) could do, which he was (and still is, bless his heart) VERY chatty. I wrote mostly proper words, so you can use your imagination to hear it in a toddler voice! 😊

Roger woke up thinking it was a dream. A cruel, heartbreaking dream. To say he held himself together well would be a lie. He spent the first ten minutes of being awake suffering from an emotional hangover once he reminded himself that it was not a dream.

He spent six months trying to get over Brian. Six months of his life trying to forget the first and only person he'd ever truly loved and failing miserably. Now he was downstairs on the couch, great.

"Papa! Papa!" Lila called from her bedroom. "Pappapapalapapppap!!! Hungry, Papa!"

Roger sighed as the chatty toddler began screeching to get his attention. She didn't cry much, she just really loved screaming. He thought about dressing her up as a Metal singer for Halloween. Freddie vetoed the idea, saying she should be Audrey Hepburn because she was a classy bitch. Because there's nothing weird about calling an almost two-year-old 'bitch'.

"Papa! Need ooohmeal! Gah!!" Lila screamed again, followed by a giggle.

"Coming, Flower!" Roger called, shaking his head. "Jesus." He muttered before walking into her bedroom.

"Papa! Papa!" Lila squealed, grinning widely with her eight little teeth. "Up! Now, papa!"

"Demanding little shit." Roger chuckled, picking her up and immediately going to change her diaper.

"Shit!" Lila repeated, staring up at the ceiling.

"Piss, actually." Roger snorted, tossing the diaper in the trashcan before zipping up her footie pajamas and walking towards the bathroom. He set her on the counter as he washed his hands.

"Ew, papa!" Lila let out a little yawn, resting her head against his arm while waiting to get picked up again.

Roger smiled down at her, kissing her forehead before picking her up and heading down stairs as the toddler babbled on about oatmeal, juice, and fruit.

She even had the audacity to ask for ice cream, which she'd probably end up getting.

"Who dat?" Lila all but screamed as she saw a sleeping figure on the couch.

"Lila, shh." Roger frowned as Brian shifted on the couch.

"Papa, shhhh!" The small girl reached up and covered his mouth before yelling louder, "Who dat?!" And with that, the lump of Brian on that couch was now awake.

Roger gave up on life in that very moment.

Tired eyes met his own from across the room, pink tinged Roger's cheeks as he looked away. "I'm making breakfast. You can join, if you want." He said before feeling the two year old struggle in his arms. Fuck, she recognizes him.

"Daddy!!" Lila squealed, pushing herself out of Rogers arm and nearly falling before he just set her down. The toddler scrambled over to the curly haired man, grinning up at him with wide eyes. "Daddy, you home?"

Brian looked up towards Roger with uncertainty only to see misty blue eyes staring back at him. "Can I?" He asked, hesitant to hug the child.

Roger gave a slight nod, trying to blink back the tears that were clouding his vision. "Go ahead, I'll start breakfast." He said before quickly walking to the kitchen and leaned against the counter. Bringing a fist to his mouth, he bit his knuckles as tears stung in his eyes.

This was hard. It was hard and he didn't even know why. For so long it had seemed like Brian had died. He very well could have and Roger wouldn't have known the difference. It wasn't like they kept in touch for those months.

Still, Lila was as much Brian's kid as she was Roger's in the eyes of the law at least. And from Lila's reaction, it would be cruel to tear them apart. He couldn't do that to her, he couldn't do that to Clare and Matt.

This wasn't Brian showing up late to a date, or taking a booty call in front of him. This was harder, more complex. Roger wanted to scream, throw things, to hurt him back.

But he was a parent now, he just had to suck it up and be civil, no matter how much it hurt.

Roger shook his head, turning on the kettle to make a three bowls of oatmeal before stuffing some bread in the toaster. He could hear Lila's high pitched giggles followed by Brian's melodic laugh. It was a sound he'd forgotten over the months. He wondered how you could crave for something you nearly lost sight of.

He bit back the hurt that he felt rising in his chest. This was all fresh. It was as if Brian leaving ripped a hole in his chest, and just as it was about to heal, he ripped it open once more.

It was his fault Brian left. If he had tried harder. If he had been better. Then maybe, just maybe then he'd be something worth holding onto.

Roger shook himself out of those thoughts, pushing them aside for later when he didn't have to worry about feeding his kid. The scream from the kettle grounded him, bringing him back to reality as he turned the stove off and poured the water into the bowel before quickly buttering the toast.

It's strange how a year ago he could hardly feed himself, but now he was a full time adoptive father. He glanced over at the wall and smiled when he was met with a picture of the smiling toddler. She is what made it all worth it. She was worth every bit of pain in the world.

Even if her teething phase made him want to drink an entire liquor store.

Roger set the bowls at the small kitchen table, grabbing a sippy-cup and filling it with milk before slipping back into the lounge. It had become strangely quiet at that point and he finally knew why.

Brian was sat on the couch, his hair in a thousand different directions and sleep clouding his eyes as bounced the focused little girl on his leg. On his phone, he was showing her the picture he had taken on his trip. She was mesmerized by the pictures, babbling softly about the stars every so often.

It felt wrong to interrupt, but Roger knew the kid would explode if she was left without food for much longer. And she'd explode even worse if forced to eat cold oatmeal. He cleared his throat.

"Breakfast is ready." He said simply, accepting the toddler in his arms when she ran to him.

Roger only glanced over his shoulder to make sure the older man was coming before making his way back to the kitchen.

"Hot!" Lila squealed, throwing the spoon down with a huff. "Ice!"

"I'm not putting ice in your oatmeal." Roger rolled his eyes. "You cry when it melts. It's gross."

"No, papa! Ice, peas!!" Lila yelled louder, slamming her hands down on the table.

"Saying please doesn't change the answer, Flower." Roger sighed, pushing her milk closer to her.

"No fair." She grumbled. It was barely intelligible, but Roger understood it through her babyish speech and snorted at her dramatics.

"She's a lot more talkative now." Brian broke his silence, watching her with a soft smile.

"Tell me about it. She knows practically every curse word. Calls Fred uncle darling now too." He smiled a bit, watching as Lila forgot her argument and began eating her oatmeal messily.

Silence fell over them once more, the older of the two staring down at his hands which were folded on top of the table.

It almost felt like the morning after a shag with a stranger, where no one knows what to say but you kinda just want the other to leave, or speak, whichever comes first. (A/N: Aha like I'd know with my single ass)

"You kept my present..." Brian spoke up finally, though now Roger wished he hadn't. Maybe he could jump out of the window to escape this conversation? He shook his head. Way too rainy.

"I only opened it last night." He admitted after a moment. "It was...nice, I guess."

Brian bit his bottom lip and sighed. "I'm thinking of renting out my old flat again. It's only a five minute walk from here, hardly a drive."

"Yeah, that'd be fine. You could visit Lila whenever." Roger said, turning away to wipe oatmeal from the little girls eye after she decided to rub it. It was difficult to ignore the twinge of pain his words brought on, but it was for the best. They didn't work out. They would never work out.

Brian shifted in his seat nervously. "And she could stay with me sometimes?"

Roger froze, turning to look at him with wide eyes. "Lila and I are moving." He blurted out, the truth spilling out in his state of surprise.

"What? No." Brian frowned, his head tilting in confusion. "You can't. Clare and Matt wanted her to grow up here. That's what you said, isn't it?"

"I'm barely making the bills, Brian. I'd rather not have to scrimp and save every single pound just to feed Lila. I can't afford to live here anymore." Roger sighed, shaking his head.

"I'll pay half." Brian offered, getting a scoff in response.

"Yeah, no." The blond rolled his eyes. "That's not happening. I'm not having you pay for a house you're not even living in."

"Then I'll move in."

"No."

Brian sighed, frustration building up inside him. Rogers distrust was justified, he did abandon his family for half a year only to show up on their doorstep the night before asking to move in.

But he just wanted to help. To be part of his family again.

"Then what can I do?" He asked, pushing away the frustration to remain calm and reasonable. His silence was worrisome, Brian frowned at him before asking, "Rog? You okay?"

The blond hung his head. Brian thought he was crying for a moment, his heart ached at the sight until his shoulders shook and he snorted.

"Are you laughing?..."

"This is fucking ridiculous. Fucking. Ridiculous." Roger chuckled, though it held no humor. "This time last year, my biggest worry was what pub I was going to and whether Freddie would take my shift the following morning if he was less hungover. My sister was alive and I didn't give two shits about you. I didn't care about you at all. You could've fucked off to Tenerife and I wouldn't have even noticed. Now, now I'm just...here. My sisters gone, you left and it hurt, Freddie's off living his own life and moving on to better things, and I'm having fucking tea parties on Friday nights because that's what my life is. This is my life now, a single dumbass who can't fucking deal. Oh, and I'm a father now! Legally! What the hell is that about!"

Brian watched as the blond spiraled down, tears swimming in his blue eyes as he wore a broken grin, his hands shaking as he stared into Brian's eyes.

"Did Freddie tell you I went back to Sam? Yeah, I did. Then he went and cheated with his assistant. Figures, right? Not sure what I expected there." Roger didn't bother wiping the tears the streamed down his face. "And still, that didn't hurt nearly as bad as when you left me. One fucking fight and you were gone. And it was my fault. My fault that you left. My fault that Lila was forced to be without you. Am I okay? Really, Brian? No. I'm not. I'm not okay." He finally wiped the tears away, looking away. His humorless laughter came to a stop and he sighed. “I don’t know why you even came back, Bri. It’s not the same. It’ll never be the same.”

“Let me try, Rog. If not for you, then for Lila.” Brian reaches across the table, setting a hand on his shoulder. “It’s not your fault I left. Not Lila’s either. Its my own fault, I reacted way too fast and made an absolute arse of myself. I should’ve put you and Lila first, but I didn’t. I regretted that every single second of every day. Please, Rog. Just...just let me try to make it up to you again.” His eyes were pleading as his hand still resting on the blonds shoulder.

Roger stayed quiet for a moment before nodding. “Fine. You can clear out the guest room.” He said, standing up and taking Lila’s empty bowl to the sink before picking the toddler up. “I’ll see you after work.” He muttered as he began walking out of the kitchen.

“I can watch her...if you want...” Brian looked up at him from the table with a hopeful look that only lasted a second.

Roger paused, looking over his shoulder before just shaking his head. “I’ll see you after work.” He repeated before making his way upstairs to get ready.

Brian felt his heart shatter once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What up, hope everyone is safe at home and not going out! 
> 
> Sorry this took ten billion years, I've got no excuse, just didn't feel like finishing it for a bit lol 
> 
> Things will start looking up eventually, but it's gonna be a doozy for a bit!
> 
> Anyway,
> 
> Peace ✌🏻


	31. The Birthday

"Father!"

...

"Father!!"

...

"Goddamnit, Freddie, I told you to stop teacher her that! I'm not a fucking priest!"

"...up, Father."

Roger let out a long sigh, picking up the little girl while Freddie just laughed. "It's not funny, it makes it sound like I'm an arsehole who makes her call me father. I’m not a bloody drill sergeant."

"Love you, Father." Lila rested her head on his shoulder and smiled up at him, clearly amused at Rogers reactions.

"No, no father. I love you too, but no more father." Roger grabbed a pillow and tossed it at Freddie's head. "I hate you."

"The only people that hate me are the ones that want to be me, darling. That's a quote from Shakespeare himself." Freddie leaned against the counter with a grin.

"It's really not, Fred." Roger rolled his eyes, setting the toddler down.

"So, what's this about your beau being back in town? Are you married yet?" Freddie propped his head up on the counter, his head resting in his hand. "Make up sex? Any juicy details?"

"Child." Roger pointed at Lila, glaring at the older man. "And no. He's not my 'beau' and he's not forgiven. Not fully, yet."

"He's just living in your house and raising your kid?" Freddie tilted his head with a smirk. "An au pair?"

"Shut up, arsehole." Roger huffed as Lila sprinted towards the back yelling, "swear!!" 

"As if she doesn't curse like a pirate." Freddie snorted before sighing. "I'm serious, darling. What's the plan here? You know I'll support whatever you choose to do." Roger knew from the look on his face how much he meant it and that alone gave him enough confidence to really start to give the whole situation a thought.

"I don't know, Fred. I..." Roger let his gaze drop to the counter, "I just don't know. What I take him back and he leaves again? Think of what that'd do to Lila. Think of what it'd do to me! I don't know if I could go through that again. But...I still want him in my life. I want him in Lila's life. I just don't know if I trust him anymore."

"These things take time, darling. Trust takes time." Freddie gave him a small smile. "I think you should give him another chance. For Lila's sake. Ease into things and go with whatever feels natural, whether it's just coexisting for Lila or loving each other again. Being friends, even." He patted his shoulder gently. "You fell for him once, darling, just remember that."

Roger smiled softly at his remark and nodded. For a diva, Freddie was pretty solid with his advice. Except for the time he said snorting an paracetamolwould cure his headache faster than taking it orally.

Spoiler alert: it did not. And yes, he was very drunk.

The blond looked over at the curly haired toddler stumbling through racks of clothes while babbling to herself. He smiled slightly as he watched her and made up his mind.

He'd do whatever was best for his little girl.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"That's fucking stupid."

"Your pun is worse, Roger."

"My pun is funny! Unlike yours — the fuck even is that?"

"It's Pluto..."

"Why is Pluto crying?!"

"She wants to be a planet too."

“She looks about ready to exit the universe.” Roger rolled his eyes, pushing Brian's model of Lila's birthday invitations away as they stood in his and Freddie's shop with John and Freddie. It was passed closing time, so they all stood at the counter watching the argument progress before Freddie slipped away. "It's for a bunch of non-nerd people. Besides, when I said you could help I meant you could clean up when the party is over. Freddie and I are the designing ones and John is a biological father of ten thousand."

Clare loved throwing birthday parties. The bigger, the better. That was her motto (and Freddie’s). It's part of the reason her and Freddie got on so well! Roger was not breaking his sisters tradition of perfect parties.

"I think it's cute." Brian shrugged.

"Pluto is on the verge of a mental breakdown in the corner, Brian." Roger huffed, crossing his arms. "Fine, we'll use your nerdy-ass invitation. But I'm picking the decorations."

"Too late, Darling!" Freddie smirked as he returned, dropping a box loudly on the counter. He flung it open like the extra bitch he was and pulled out a thousand shades of pink decorations.

"Her favorite color is purple, Fred." Roger frowned, eyeing the box.

"Bullshit, she told me the sun was green three days ago, Rog, she hardly knows up from down yet!" Freddie rolled his eyes before pulling out different colors. "Besides, the theme is rainbow."

"Like a gay pride party?" Roger snorted.

"No, like her rainbow jumper that she said was her favourite." Freddie said, crossing his arms.

"Fred, that's all stuff you used for your pride party last summer." The blond rolled his eyes. "It's been up in the attic all year."

"It's called recycling, bitch. I care about our planet." Freddie retorted. "What theme were you planning?"

"Space?" Brian chirped, raising a hand hesitantly.

"Space took her third daddy away from her, she's still dealing with the trauma." Freddie deadpanned, earning a snort from Roger and a glare from the other man.

"Not funny, Fred." Brian grumbled.

"Pretty funny. Anyway, your idea is lame and is vetoed. Deaky, you have a thousand children. Any ideas?" Roger looked to the man that had been sitting quietly at the end of the counter.

"Well, you could do a theme of her favourite show?" John suggested. "That's what Ronnie and I do."

"That's it!" Roger grinned, clapping his shoulder. "You're the true genius of this group, Deaks."

"I try." John grinned shyly, dipping his head down at the praise. He was just happy to have some friends that weren't his wife or children.

"So it's settled. Theme is whatever Lila likes best." Roger said, moving from behind the counter to pick up the toddler. "Flower, what's your favorite show?"

The toddler stared at him in deep thought, as if he had just asked her the meaning of life or the exact distance to the end of the universe.

"Hmm, don't know. Down, Papa?" Lila wiggled her way out of his arms to continue playing with the hanging clothes.

Back to the drawing board, Roger sighed.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After watching different TV shows all afternoon, Lila finally decided what her favourite show was...

Teletubbies.

Out of every single show, Lila had decided Teletubbies was her most favourite from the two seconds it played on the television. Roger had to mentally and emotionally prepare himself for the shitstorm that would be finding decorations for that old-ass show, while also knowing how disturbing it would be. Who in the hell decided giant alien looking things with televisions on their stomachs was kid friendly?

After twenty different amazon orders, he had finally gotten all of the decorations — and costumes. Lila was the purple teletubbie, which she absolutely loved. Roger, of course, was the sun. And by that, he meant he got to where a semi-stylish, semi-cringe yellow suit to match his blond hair.

The rest weren't so lucky.

Brian got stuck with the green teletubbie, which Roger had said made him look like a giant bogey. Freddie was Red as he said the other colors didn't compliment his personal aesthetic, though he still somehow pulled it off. Deaky, bless his heart, was the yellow one. As expected, he looked adorable.

The whole block ended up coming to the party. Brian, surprisingly (well, surprisingly to Roger) had taken on the job of setting up and keeping everything running smoothly as Roger just socialized with the rest of the neighbors. The blond couldn't help but watch the curly haired man took on all the work, despite his prior rejection of any help. It was a nice gesture, and Roger would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy the domestication of it all.

"He seems to be really trying."

Roger turned to see Freddie with a soft smile, his red hood still pulled up over his head. It was a bit hard to take him seriously in that outfit, but he nodded anyway.

"He insisted he take care of all of it. Wouldn't let me help apart from telling him where to hang everything." Roger shrugged, returning his gaze to the curly haired man.

"It's been a month since he's been back, Rog. Why are you still fighting against what you're feeling?" Freddie sighed, pulling the hood down. One of the children gasped in response, but Freddie just waved the child away. Surprisingly, it listened.

“I’m not ready yet.” Roger sighed, tearing his gaze away from the man in question. “Every time his phone rings, my mind just goes back to that night. Every single time, I think he’s just going to leave again.”

“You’ve got to move past that, Rog. He said he’d stay.” Roger swallowed hard at his words.

“He said that before too. He said he’d stay, then he left. He said that we’d be in this together, then he left me alone.” The blond shook his head. “I’m trying to trust him, Fred. I’m really trying.”

“You’re scared, Rog.” Freddie said gently, putting an arm around his shoulders. “Love is scary. It’s terrifying, really. The road’s bumpy, dear. That’s why you’ve got to hold onto each other.”

Roger looked over at him, comforted by the spark of understanding in the older mans eyes.

“He’s here, really here now. And he’s ready to love you again, whenever you’re ready.” Freddie dropped his arm and clapped his hand on his shoulder.

Roger looked over to the curly-haired man as he lifted a laughing Lila up over his shoulder. He paused when he caught Rogers gaze and smiled before returning his attention to their little girl.

“It’s your move, darling.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you all probs know, I'm a college student, this meaning in the most sophisticated of words...
> 
> I'm straight up not having a good time. 
> 
> But I'll try to keep updating and maybe update my other fic again for the first time in 84 years.
> 
> Anyway,
> 
> Peace ✌🏻


	32. The Waiting Period

** _August 2020_ **

It had been two months since the birthday party. Two whole months and nothing had changed. Now it was just another shitty Saturday.

"_It's your move, Darling_."

The words rang in his ears, taunting him at all hours of the day. Brian had been lovely since coming back three months prior. He'd doted on Lila just as before, but maybe even more so now. He even got his teaching job back and completely finished his PhD, letting him get a decent raise in his department.

He'd gotten a job offer in America for NASA a few weeks prior, but he turned it down right away and told Roger not even two minutes after they asked over the phone, stuttering and stumbling over his words.

It was clear that he was making an effort. It was clear that he was trying! Trying to get Roger back? That's what he thought. That's what lead to his confusion over the current situation.

"He's a really sciencey guy, Bri. You'll love him!" Freddie grinned, leaning across the counter at the shop. Him, Brian, Roger, and John had been hanging out at the shop more often during closing time. They even managed to turn the basement into a little band room of sorts and jamming together. They weren't sure how good they really were, but it was fun.

Anyway, back to the dilemma! Freddie, what the hell!

"I know you're not much of a blind date kind of guy, but-" 

"Sure, I'll meet him." Brian smiled, setting Lila down before looking at Roger. "Is that okay with you? You're not busy next Friday night, are you?"

'No!! Not okay, not okay! Freddie, you bitch! It was my move! What about my move! Jackson can go fuck himself — or was it Jason?! Fuck them both! Fuck you and fuck the bloody earth!' Roger stared at Brian, alarm bells ringing in his head as he forced a grin.

"Not busy, it's cool. Cool cool cool, everything's so bloody cool." Roger looked to Freddie. "Can I speak to you about business and sales?"

Freddie didn't even get to answer before he was pulled into the back room.

"What the hell, Freddie?!" Roger asked in a hushed yell. "Why are you setting Brian up?!"

"I said it was your move and you took too long. I had to get the ball moving." Freddie shrugged, crossing his arms.

"Enough with the bloody analogies!"

"Look, I'm tired of seeing him follow you around like a lost, kicked puppy." Freddie sighed. "He's been doing everything to get you back and you haven't made your move."

"I wasn't ready, Fred. This isn't fair." He frowned, crossing his arms over his chest.

"And making him wait around is? He can't hold out forever, Rog. He's going to move on with his life at some point, even if it's not with you." Freddie put a hand on his shoulder. "Darling, I just want what's best for both of you."

Roger shrugged his hand off and turned around. "Whatever." He muttered before storming out. He'd been in a bad mood the whole day, really. And the week leading up to it, Brian just seemed more quiet, though maybe he didn't even realize what day it was. What it meant. Roger had a bit of a hot-headed tendency to convey all non-happy emotions with anger, that's basically how the week had gone. 

"Rog? You alright, mate?" Brian asked, catching him by the arm before he could exit the store. They hadn't talked much that morning or afternoon. Brian was hoping to corner him into a private conversation at some point, but he hadn't yet gotten the chance.

"Fine. I'm fine. I've got...something. It just came up. I'll see you at home tonight." Roger said in a rush, pulling his arm away before rushing to his car.

It wasn't until he started driving that the frustration poured out. Tears clouded his vision as he sped down the road. Was he overreacting? Of course! Freddie didn't get to be the only dramatic one! It wasn't bad enough what the whole day was, but now Brian was moving on? Incredible.

He drove until he forgot where he even was. The street signs were in familiar, and that in itself brought unexplainable peace — until it didn't.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Where the hell is he?" Brian grumbled, gently shitting Lila's door after putting her down for the night.

Roger had left the store five hours ago and they hadn't heard from him since. Brian figured him and Freddie had a row over something and he was just going to blow off some steam. Maybe he was upset about some other things.

Honestly, he was just hoping that 'steam' wasn't named Sam.

"He's just going off like he does. He's a bit cross on something I may have said or did." Freddie paused, "nothing you can prove, so don't get pissed at me. He'll be home soon."

Brian sighed, following Freddie downstairs before sitting on the couch. "Why isn't he calling?"

"When have you ever known Roger to check in? He probably hasn't even noticed it's been hours, he's got the attention span of a golden retriever." Freddie shrugged. "Now, what color tie are you wearing to the wedding?"

"Fred! Focus! Roger should be home by now!" Brian stood up, pacing the room in a worry.

"He does this sometimes, Bri. Once he left for a week without telling anyone, though he went to go visit Clares dorm at university. I'm sure he's fine." Freddie frowned, a nagging feeling pulling at his own stomach.

"God." Brian covered his face with his hands, heaving in a deep breath. "Is it my fault? Is he mad about something I did?"

"No, I told you, he's mad me." Freddie stood up, walking towards the window and peeking out when his phone began to ring. He picked it up and grinned, flashing it at the younger man. "Look, it's him now. I told you, he's fine."

"Well, answer it then!" Brian's worries had not yet disappeared as he watched Freddie roll his eyes and answer the phone.

Freddie went quiet for a moment, his face falling as he listened to the other line. It only made Brian's chest tighten as he moved closer to heal.

"We'll be there. We're on our way." Freddie said, muttering a quick goodbye before hanging up. "Get Lila, Brian. We have to go."

The sober tone of his voice was so foreign to the eccentric man. He was always so full of energy and sass, but now he was standing with a pale face and shaking hands.

Brian wasted no time, running up the stairs and grabbing the sleeping child out of her bed before descending the stairs once more. Freddie was already in the car, having started it and gotten Lila's seat ready. He didn't have a license, so he was sat in the passenger seat.

It all became too real when Brian saw the shine of tears beginning in his eyes. He quickly got into the drivers seat, curling his fingers around the steering wheel and looking towards the other man.

"Where?"

"St. George's Hospital."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was 45 minutes with traffic.

45 minutes with no idea of what happened, 45 minutes of not knowing if he was okay, 45 minutes of not knowing if he was even alive.

45 minutes.

Bursting through the hospital doors, Brian looked around frantically before rushing to the nurses station.

"We're here for Roger Taylor." He said, his voice shaking as Freddie came up behind him quietly, Lila squirming in his arms.

"Just a moment." She said, not looking up from her computer. They nodded, quietly taking a seat in the waiting room.

One minute soon turned to one hour, one hour turning to two. Lila had fallen back to sleep in Freddie's arms as they sat in the dimly lit waiting room. Brian checked the time, frowning when it read 2am.

They should be home now. Roger should be in his bed, sleeping. They should both be in bed. This shouldn't have happened. None of this should have happened.

Brian bit back tears as he stared at the tiled floor. He could hear the faint scream of some accident that must've happened and he just hoped to god it wasn't Roger. Or maybe he hoped it was, at least that meant he was alive.

Finally, two people wearing scrubs approached them, a clipboard in the mans hand as the woman stood quietly behind him.

Looking down at the clipboard, a grim expression rested on his face before he spoke up.

"For Taylor?" The doctor asked, his voice dripped with hesitation as the two men nodded.

"I'm afraid that we've done all we could."

Brian felt his chest tighten as breathing became impossible. He stared up at the doctor, his mind racing. He felt Freddie grab his arm, but he couldn't focus on anything.

"I'm sorry, but he's gon-"

"Dr. Peters." The nurse interrupted, an irritated look on her face as she flipped the page on his clipboard. "That's Robert Taylor's file, you broke that news an hour ago." She muttered, not so gently pointing to the next file.

The doctors face fell. He'd obviously had a long night, but the guilt was evident on his face.

"Oh, right." He muttered, saying a quick apology before reading over the next file. "Roger Taylor?"

Brian nodded shakily, his voice still stuck in his throat. He wasn't following exactly what had happened. Roger was dead? Roger wasn't dead?

"Right," Dr. Peters cleared his throat. "He's got one visitor right now. Visiting hours are technically over but-"

"Dr. Peters, visiting hours don't matter when you accidentally tell the family that the patient is dead." She wasn't muttering anymore. She must've had an even worse shift than him.

"Yes, yes. Okay." The frazzled doctor said, clearing his throat. "You can go ahead and head back. Room 200. I'm so sorry."

Freddie muttered a quick reassurance to the doctor, following Brian who was now sprinting down the hallway. What looked like the worlds scrawniest Bigfoot was nearly knocking down nurses and doctors left and right.

Had Freddie not been doing the exact same, he probably would've laughed, but with the current situation, a choked sob was all he could muster.

Finally, they reached the door that led into room 200. They shared a look, both standing with shaking hands. They had no idea what condition he would be in, hell, it wasn't even Roger that called them.

Brian took a deep breath before stepping inside.

The faint sound of arguing met his ears first, but he wasn't sure what to think. Were the nurses arguing over something? Did nurses do that? Of course they did, they're human!

Maybe Brian was stalling, he figured he was when he felt Freddie shove him to the side, only to gasp loudly.

"Roger, you absolute shit!"

The voices stopped and Brian finally looked to see who was even speaking. His head finally cleared when he saw the man in question sitting up in bed wide eyed.

"Freddie, not so loud." John frowned, his arms crossed in what could only be deciphered as pure disapproval.

"I'm fine, John. I told you not to call them." Roger muttered, staring down at his lap.

"You're not fine, Roger. You've got twelve stitches in your head and a concussion, not to mention your wrist!" John argued, the two sharing a glare as the argument continued. "The doctors thought you were going to be in a coma! You didn't wake up for hours!" That seemed to make the blond stop and consider his nonchalance and John took it as a win before Roger rolled his eyes and scoffed.

"But I didn't." Roger crossed his arms, refusing to look at the other two in the doorway. His petulance not going ignored by anyone in the room. "I woke up, I'm fine."

"What were you thinking, Roger? What happened? You got pissed so you go and do this?" Freddie looked genuinely mad, his words coming out fast and harsh.

"Roads were wet, his car slammed into a tree. He flew through the windshield. Doctors said the only reason he's still alive is because he landed in a bush and had a weak windshield due to his car being made cheap." John answered, his eyes falling to the sleeping child in Freddie's arms and the to Brian, who stood at the door with a horrified expression. John felt his heart crumble with he saw a tear slide down his cheek.

Roger visibly tensed up, curling up into himself as Freddie's eyes burned into him. Any attitude that he'd directed to John had withered away. "Just drop it, I'm fine. You all can leave."

"You could've died..." Brian whispered, his voice breaking as he spoke.

"I'm okay, Bri." Roger replied, his gaze still firmly on his lap.

"You could have died." Brian repeated, his voice stronger than before but still barely above a whisper. Freddie and John shared a look before leaving them alone and exiting the room.

"Bri..."

"No, Roger! You could have died!" Brian interrupted, his voice roaring as he took a step towards the bed. "You could have died and what would happen then?! What would happen with Lila? You want to put her through that again? Is losing two parents not enough?! You want her to lose you too?!" He continued yelling, his mouth opening to yell again until he heard a sniffle.

"It's one year today, Bri... One year." Roger whispered, looking up with glossy eyes. It was the first time Brian could really get a good look at him. The cuts and bruises littered his face, and he still had a bit of dried blood on his forehead. "They've been gone for a year."

His words hit like a ton of bricks. Of course he knew what day it was, getting out of bed that morning was hard. It took everything in him to even think about leaving the house, but he did. He did it for Roger and he did it for Lila.

But he should've known how hard it would all be on Roger.

"I'm sorry, Bri. I lost control. I didn't mean to, I just... I don't know. It's hard sometimes, but today felt just as bad as that night." Roger explained, his voice coming out hoarse and shaky. He sounded like he was about to cry, though he was clearly making an effort not to. "I don't want her to lose me too, Brian..."

Brian watched him, studying the clear pain in his eyes, both physical and emotional pain that was rising like a flood, moments away from drowning him completely.

Cautiously, he stepped towards the bed and enveloped the smaller man in his arms. He felt dampness on his shoulder within seconds and with a sigh, he let his own tears fall.

"I know you don't, Rog." Brian gently stroked the blond hair, "I'm sorry, it wasn't fair of me to say."

"S'okay..." Roger mumbled against his shoulder, pressing closer to him. He tried to stay still, but his body still shook with tremors.

His mind was racing, the fear of the accident still fresh in his memories. The thought of never seeing Lila again, the idea of her losing another parent, the thought of dying.

He didn't know how he got so lucky as to survive the crash, especially to survive with a couple scrapes and bruises, not counting his sprained wrist.

He shut his eyes, begging the images to leave his brain, but they wouldn't. He kept seeing himself slam into the tree, feeling the shards of glass as he flew through the window, and the drips of blood pouring down his face as he laid in the bush just barely holding on to consciousness.

Roger was terrified, absolutely terrified. Reliving that moment, reliving the thoughts of whether he was dying, because it felt like it at the time. The black haziness that filled his vision just as the sirens reached his ears. The thought of Lila losing him the same damn way they lost Clare and her dad. The thought of Freddie losing him too after being friends and brothers all their lives.

And Brian. Would Brian even care?

His body shook more as he grasped onto Brian like a lifeline, burying his face in his shoulder as he tried to hold back his cries.

He didn't want to cry for himself, but for Lila.

For Freddie.

For Clare.

And god, for Brian, too.

Brian held him tighter as he fell apart in the hospital bed. He knew it was deeper than the shock of the crash. He knew it was the pain of losing Clare that he was reliving. He thought of his own loss and tears burned in his own eyes.

He wanted to ease the pain, tell him how much he loved him and promise him a million things. Promise to be with him forever, as whatever he wanted. Promise him that it would be okay one day, that the rain would dry and the sun would shine again. That the sun would shine upon them once more.

But sometimes, silence is the best thing you can give somebody. Silence as you hold them together when the world tries to tear them apart. Silence as you wait for the storm to pass.

The silence spoke the loudest as they slipped into the waiting period.

Watching and waiting for the sun to shine again.


	33. Always On My Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Always on My Mind by Elvis :)

The three men stood around Roger as he was about to finally be released. Lila had been picked up by Jim a little while after they had arrived to visit him.

He ended up having to stay overnight when the doctors discovered a minor case of internal bleeding.

"That's okay, then? It's internal, that's where blood is supposed to be!" He had joked, though the other three didn't find it the least bit amusing as their concern outweighed everything else. They thanked god that it was a mistake and no actual bleeding had occurred.

The doctors were pretty impressed seeing as after all the tests they ran, he only had a concussion, a few scratches, and a very mild sprain on his wrist.

He was very lucky, in some cases one might say it was a miracle. Roger was too cynical to believe that and just said it a freak accident, no guardian angles or mumbo jumbo.

Only Brian heard the late night whispered prayer of Roger thanking his sister. It was strange to see a man on doubt praying, but he didn't dare say a word. Maybe he didn't believe, but it still brought him comfort to talk to his sister, even if she couldn't hear him.

"How are you feeling?" Brian finally asked, watching as Roger sunk into the car seat.

"Not dead yet, so that's a plus." Roger mumbled, already shutting his eyes. Brian didn't waste any time in draping his jacket over him, the blond accepting it immediately. He watched as he hugged the jacket close, drifting off as he breathed in the other mans faint cologne that lingered on the fabric.

"He's a dumbass." Freddie sighed, watching over him. "He gets upset and damn near kills himself every time."

"He had a rough day." John glanced in the rear view before pulling out of the parking lot. "Save him any lectures, I'm sure he feels bad enough as is."

"Darling, I don't lecture. I simply point out when he's being stupid so he doesn't end up dead." Freddie shrugged. "Besides, he's my best friend and it'd be bitchy of me to start a row with him after he just crashed his favourite car. He's had that thing since he was sixteen."

Brian ignored as their conversation carried on, the youngest of the group opening up more as Freddie talked to him. It was nice seeing John so open and chatty for once.

He gazed at Rogers sleeping figure, his mind filling up with thoughts of how he'd almost lost him. What would he have done? It was almost too much to think, his heart began pounding as his mind sank deeper and deeper.

"Bri?"

Brian shook himself out of his thoughts as the blue eyes fluttered open. He had a small smile on his face, though concern was evident in his eyes.

"It's okay." He said quietly, it was then he realized that he had been gripping Rogers hand, his own hands both shaking in his lap and clasped around Rogers. "I'm okay." He assured.

Brian nodded, his tremors calming when the blond squeezed his hand back before letting his eyes fall shut once more. He didn't let go the entire way home, holding it as if it was his lifeline.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After a few weeks, things had finally calmed down. Lila's tantrums lessened, Rogers nightmares had ceased for the most part, but one thing stuck out like a sore thumb, disrupting the peace like a bullet ripping through a heart.

Brian announced that he had found a flat just two blocks away. He was moving in two weeks.

"Darling, I told you he can't wait around forever. I'm rooting for you, but...well, Brian is a young and attractive man. He's bound to move on at some point." Freddie sighed, watching Roger angrily putting together a party favor for his wedding.

"Fuck off, I said I don't care." Roger grumbled, tossing the favor to the side and ignoring Freddie's gasp.

"Roger, you're going to crumble the M&M's! Jim and I's faces are going to be unrecognizable!" He snatched their bag up, pushing Rogers chair out from his dining room table. Of course they had gotten candies with their faces on them, or rather, Freddie had.

Roger huffed, leaning back and crossing his arms. "Fine! I care! I don't want him to move! I want him to stay with me!"

"Then you need to make a move." Freddie put down the favor he was working on, giving the blond a firm look.

"I can't." Roger sighed. "He's already decided. He doesn't want me anymore.."

"Bullshit." Freddie rolled his eyes. "This is like a damn revolving door, you two are spinning around and around when you could just stop and get off and be happy! You're both hesitating!"

"It's not my fault you started setting him up with people!" The younger argued, dropping his hands into his lap. The wedding was in three days, the favors needed to be done, but he didn't care. His life was falling apart!

"He was lonely."

"I'm lonely!" Roger huffed, looking down at his lap and playing with his hands, something he did often when he began feeling anxious. "I'm sorry, Freddie. I'm trying, I really am. I just... I love him, I love him so damn much, but he deserves better. Hell, he could do so much better. He got that trip to Tenerife, he's got his PhD in...space dirt or whatever, he could do so much... so much better than me."

Freddie wrapped an arm around the blond, watching as he swallowed the uncomfortable lump in his throat.

"I messed up, Freddie..." Roger said quietly, his eyes shifting to look up at him with a miserable frown. "I had him, then I lost him. It's all my fault, I didn't try hard enough and now it's too late."

"It's not your fault, darling." Freddie sighed, brushing the hair out of his face. "You both did things you regret, and that's life. But it's not too late, you know. You've still got time to tell him that you miss him, that you still love him. You're both afraid, but trust me, darling. You've got nothing to be scared of. You just have to take a chance."

Roger nodded, pulling in a shuddery breath as he sat up. "You're right." He said, rubbing his face as he stood. "I have to tell him."

"Yes, but favors first. My wedding is in three days and I've used up all the niceness, so I'm bitchy now. Chop, chop." Freddie clapped his hands, going back to the lace-covered favors.

Roger just smiled a bit to himself and continued to work on them. Maybe everything would be okay.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After months of planning, dealing with Rogers breakdowns every few days, and taking care of his wonderful self-appointed goddaughter, his wedding was finally here.

Freddie smiled to himself, the thought of spending the rest of his life with Jim was just perfect. Just him, the cats, and Jim 'til death do they part, something he was hoping wouldn't come for a long time.

He decided to let go of any worries that had occupied his mind over the past few days, such as Roger backing out of talking to Brian and Brian being set to move out within the next few days. It was bad timing, Freddie would be off on his honeymoon as Roger wallowed in the sadness that was his life.

Brian had asked about custody a few days prior, trying to figure out when Lila would stay with him and when she would stay with Roger. Shortly after, Roger had shown up at his door with bloodshot eyes and two bottles of vodka. He only got through half of the first bottle before falling asleep with tears drying onto his face. It was the most depressing and yet pathetic thing Freddie had seen.

He tried to slap some sense into him, but the blond fell into a depressive hole. He saw right through the smile plastered on his face as he helped him get ready for his wedding.

It's hard to enjoy yourself when the people you love are hurting, he knew that very well by then, but he wasn't sure what else to do. He tweaked the wedding playlist a bit, hoping to bring the two together. Weddings were always a place for romance to blossom, even if said romance was a stubborn dying bud.

"Are you ready, Freddie?" Roger asked him as he finished tying his tie. "The other groomsmen are already lined up down stairs."

"I'm ready, dear." Freddie smiled, clapping a hand on his shoulder. "Bet you never thought this day would come."

"I knew you'd end up married before me." Roger chuckled, walking with him towards the door. "Now let's get you down there so you and Jim can go and spend the rest of your lives together or whatever." He nudged him, opening the door to walk out. He stopped when Freddie grabbed his arm. "Oh god, you're not having second thoughts, are you? I will drag your ass, Fred, don't you dare."

"No, Rog." Freddie smiled, shaking his head. "I just want you to know that you deserve a happy ending too, whether it's with Brian or not. And when you're getting married, because you will, I better be your best man too. You know my parties are better."

Roger smiled softly at him, pulling him into a hug. "Thanks, Fred. Now come on, let's not keep Jim waiting!"

Freddie grinned, walking out the door and towards where the isle was set up. He may or may not have forced (or rather, asked and received right away) Jim make Brian go first down the isle, making it so Brian and Roger had to walk with each other.

He smiled to himself as he saw the two men being pushed together, linking at the arm.

"You know, if someone told me I'd be walking you down the isle four years ago, I'd have told them to go to hell." Roger said, finally meeting Brian's eyes. His tone was joking, but his eyes were strained, like he was holding back something with everything he had.

"You make it sound like you're giving me away." Brian chuckled a bit, his eyes falling to the ground. "I'm glad Freddie found someone so great."

"Yeah, me too." Roger watched him for a moment, the music beginning to play softly in the background. Freddie had refused a traditional wedding march and had composed his own song, said song was the signal for them to go.

"I hope I can have that one day." He said, looking away from the taller mans face as they began walking down the isle.

Brian felt the pang in his heart, a sharp and twisting knife in the pit of his stomach, and the air being sucked from his lungs. Maybe Roger really was completely over him. It didn't matter, they weren't together and he was moving out. He couldn't have him, but that didn't mean Roger deserved to be alone forever. He deserved to be happy. So did Lila.

"I hope you'll have that one day." Brian whispered softly, his jaw clenching as they passed all of the wedding guests. It too all he had to not hold him tighter, and it damn near broke his heart when they let go to stand on opposite sides of the alter.

Avoiding the searching eyes of the blond, he held himself together. He watched as the rest of the wedding party lines up behind him and Roger, Lila being the flower girl had run in the isle pouring flower pedals on the ground instead of throwing them before running to Roger and finally, as Jim and Freddie walked down the isle hand in hand. The two shared watery smiles as the reached the alter, Roger patting Freddie's back with a soft expression. It was a perfect moment, one that seemed to slow time to a standstill.

And Brian couldn't help but wish he were in Jim and Freddie's place, vowing to be Rogers forever. Getting to grow old and grey with the one man he's ever loved. The man that has been on his mind every day since they met, the man that was always on his mind.

As the ceremony carried on, Brian found himself gazing at the younger man, how he held the small girl in his arms, whispering little jokes to her that made her tiny face scrunch up in hushed laughter, the same way his used to when Brian would make him laugh. Their eyes met during the vows, sad smiles shared as the two men in front of them promised to love each other until the end of their lives, a promise they had both desperately wanted to make to each other, though they were too proud to admit it.

The end of the ceremony was marked by the kiss shared between the two. Freddie held Jim close, pulling away with the largest smile he'd ever seen, not even making an effort to cover his teeth as he normally would. As they walked back down the isle, Freddie raised his fist, happiness pouring out of him as his grin lit up the room.

"Uncle Dawling!" Lila pointed at him, squealing when Freddie winked at her before disappearing out of the door to head to the reception.

Roger set her down, holding her hand as they all separated from the wedding party to go inside to the reception. Brian watched them slip through the doors with a heavy heart.

He knew he should be happy, Freddie was a good friend of his and he was having the best day of his life, but every little thing around him reminded him of what he lost. What he missed out on.

It reminded him of the ring that still sat in his work bag beside the picture of Roger and Lila.

"Brian?"

His eyes snapped away from the door to John, who was giving him a concerned smile.

"Are you alright?" He asked, his gaze turning to the door Brian had been staring at and then back to the man himself.

"Honestly? I don't think I am. I think I may have ruined the single most best thing in my life over...over a job." Brian sighed, looking over at John with a contemplative frown. "How did you know your wife was the right person for you?"

John seemed a bit surprised at the question, but smiled nonetheless. "Simple, I love her. I thought of waking up everyday without her and I couldn't bear it. Every day apart we spent felt like torture. She made me feel love in a way that I never even knew was possible. And even now, after three kids, I still feel just as in love with her as I did in the beginning, if not more." He looked down bashfully, shaking his head. "A love like that is once in a lifetime and that's what you have with Roger, so don't give up on him."

"You really think so?" Brian asked with a small smile, a flower of hope blossoming deep in his chest as John nodded.

"You love each other, why be apart?" John put a hand on his shoulder and gave a happy grin. "Good luck, Brian." He said before making his way back to his wife and kids, pecking Ronnie on the lips before they both disappeared off to the reception.

John was right, why be apart? Why not take a chance and get him back? He had nothing to lose, absolutely nothing.

Brian smiled to himself before walking through the door.

The reception hall was gorgeous, flowers delicately places around the room and white lace table cloths on each table. The dance floor even looked as if it was made for royalty. The white and gold accents covered the walls and marbled flooring. It was truly magnificent and exactly what Brian would expect Freddie's wedding to look like.

It didn't take long for his eyes to find Roger, the man was holding Lila and talking to Freddie's parents with a large smile on his face. He seemed happy, though as Brian got closer, he noticed the smile didn't meet his eyes. He wondered what could be weighing on him, hampering the ever present happiness that usually took residence on his face.

He was soon pulled out of his thoughts by a small hand tugging on his suit jacket.

"Daddy?" Lila was looking up at him, an excited smile on her face. "Wanna dance. Please?" He adored the way the toddler pronounced it 'peas', it was nearly impossible to say no to her.

"Of course, baby girl. Come on." Brian grinned, picking her up and smoothing down her dress. The little girl giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Papa too?" She asked upon pulling away from the hug, her wide blue eyes staring into his own. How could he refuse?

"Alright, flower. One dance."

Brian jumped a bit, turning around to see Roger smiling at them both. He hadn't realized he was behind him. Lila squealed again, her smile only widening as they approached the dance floor.

The song was pretty fast paced, so they mostly made sure Lila didn't get crushed by the adults going absolutely mad on the dance floor. Brian wanted to try and talk to him, but it wasn't the right time, at least not with Twist and Shout blaring in the background.

When the song ended, Lila was absolutely winded. The DJ called for the couples first dance, instructing everyone to stand off to the side. Before Brian knew it, Roger had gone and disappeared from his sight, leaving him and Lila alone to watch Freddie and Jim take the floor.

Elton John's voice filled the hall, 'Your Song' playing softly as the two held each other. It was a sweet moment, once that they'd likely never forget. Lila smiled through the whole song, her head resting on Brian's chest as she watched 'Uncle Darling' and 'Uncle Jimmy' dance together.

Just as the song faded out, Dancing Queen began playing and Brian could hear Ronnie squeal as John laughed and pulled her on the dance floor. He smiled at the sight only to be brought out of his thoughts by his child getting pulled from his arms.

"I'll take her, you go find Roger." Freddie winked, whisking the toddler away to dance even more.

Brian watched for a moment, his nerves getting the best of him as his eyes finally found the blond standing by the bar, drink in hand. It was now or never, he took a deep breath and walked towards him just as the next song began to play. Elvis, he smiled.

Roger looked up, catching Brian's eye as he got closer. He felt a flutter in his stomach as he caught sight of his smile.

"Hey," Roger greeted as the curly-haired man stood in front of him.

"Hey." Brian smiled, offering out a hand. "Can I have this dance?"

"Promise not to step on my shoes this time?" Roger grinned, taking his hand and leaving his drink on the bar.

"I'll try my best." He said, pulling him out to the dance floor. Roger smiled up at him, the genuine kind that reached his eyes. There was still a tinge of sadness to them, deep down.

_Maybe I didn't treat you_

_Quite as good as I should have_

_Maybe I didn't love you_

_Quite as often as I could have_

Wrapping his arms around the taller mans neck, Rogers smile softened. It reminded him so much of the night they got together. The day Brian kissed him so casually. He never knew a small peck on the lips could convey so much love. He thought back to the frustration he felt upon confessing for the third time, finally getting through to the love-dense man.

He thought back to how he treated him when he heard the news of his trip. How angry he felt, the betrayal of another person leaving him. It hurt, so Roger reacted in a brash and angry way when he should have congratulated him, tried harder. Loved him better.

_Little things I should have said and done_

_I just never took the time_

_You were always on my mind_

_You were always on my mind_

Brian wrapped his arms around the smaller mans waist. He fit so comfortably against him, like a puzzle piece that had been missing for so long, that was finally found and placed where it belonged. His heart swelled with the familiar feeling.

He missed holding him like that, he missed being close enough to feel the vibrations of his voice. The song resonated well with his current mindset. He kept thinking about how he should've turned the car around, he should've gotten off the plane sooner. He should've gone home and held him tight. He should've told him he loved him. He should have never left.

He should've asked Roger to marry him.

_And maybe I didn't hold you_

_All those lonely, lonely times_

_And I guess I never told you_

_I'm so happy that you're mine_

Placing his head on Brian's chest, he closed his eyes. He wanted to stay in this moment forever. Pretend they were together, that he never left, that he wasn't leaving again. It was the feeling he missed, being in his arms and feeling okay, feeling safe.

His mind drifted to the wasted time that was he refused to love Brian since they had met. Those years filled with bitterness and spite, only to melt into love and understanding upon the blunt force of a complete tragedy. It had been a year. They would have been together for nearly a year, had Brian not left, had Roger not told him to leave.

He swallowed back the wave of emotions hitting him as he thought back to the times he had take for granted. All the times that he had Brian, the time he wasted the best months of his life by not telling him just how much he meant to him.

_If I made you feel second best_

_Girl I'm sorry I was blind_

_You were always on my mind_

_You were always on my mind_

_Tell me, Tell me that your sweet love hasn't died_

_Give me, give me one more chance to keep you satisfied_

"Rog?" Brian's voice was quiet, nearly silent against the music playing loudly. The vibration of his voice getting the blonds attention.

Roger lifted his head from his chest, a questioning look on his face. It nearly took Brian's breath away, how beautiful he was in that light. The way his eyes were shining so bright, the hint of tears shining in them made his heart hurt, but he knew his eyes were faring the same. He couldn't hold back now, he had to tell him.

"I never stopped loving you, Roger." Brian swallowed his pride, breaking down every single wall he had built up to protect himself since he got home. "Every day I was gone, everyday I didn't see you or hear your voice, you were on my mind. I missed you so damn much. And I'm sorry I ever hurt you, I never meant to, I should've told you about the job offer. I shouldn't have taken it. And I know this doesn't fix everything, maybe it doesn't fix anything, but I'm not asking for forgiveness or saying you should take me back, I just can't go the rest of my life without you knowing just how much you mean to me."

_Little things I should have said and done_

_I just never took the time_

_You were always on my mind_

_You were always on my mind_

_You were always on my mind_

For a moment, time went still, the room was empty and the song was silenced. Roger felt his heart quicken as Brian stared down at him. The fear in the taller mans eyes made him want to pull him away from the crowd, drop to his knees, and promise he'd do anything for him to stay.

"Please say something..." It took everything in him to hold his composure, but Brian was getting dangerously close to darting out of the room and hiding away forever.

"I missed you." Roger finally said, his bottom lip trembling as he spoke, though a hint of a smile ghosted over his face for a moment. "I'm sorry, Brian, for everything. I was so bloody stupid making you leave, making you choose between me and Lila and your dream job. I'd take it all back if I could. I take everything back."

_Maybe I didn't treat you_

_Quite as good as I should have_

_Maybe I didn't love you_

_Quite as often as I could have_

_And maybe I didn't hold you_

_All those lonely, lonely times_

_And I guess I never told you_

_I'm so happy that you're mine_

Brian pulled him closer, hugging him tightly as their swaying stopped, the smaller of the two burying his face in his chest. It was the unspoken forgiveness that lingered in their touch, a feeling of release as they admitted what had been weighing on their minds.

"I love you, Bri." Roger said softly into the crook of his neck.

"I understand if you still don't trust me..." Brian pulled away, looking down to the blond who wore a watery smile.

"I do, I trust you." Roger reached up and cupped his cheek before bringing their foreheads together. "I'm tired of waiting, Brian. Waiting for the right moment, the right words, I want you now and forever."

Soft smiles were exchanged, Brian pulling the smaller man closer before finally closing the gap, their lips intertwining together as they breathed in the moment. They didn't care about the eyes on them or the fact that a more upbeat song had started playing. All they could focus on in that moment was each other.

By the end of the night, they stood hand in hand as they headed for the exit, Lila propped up on Brian’s hip. Freddie had been over the moon to find out about the full reconciliation, vowing a double date night after his honeymoon. John had been happy for them as well, Ronnie immediately offering to take Lila for the night, to which they gratefully declined.

By the time they got back to the car, a new one Roger had bought after totaling his other one, they had content smiles on their faces.

“So, I guess you’re not moving?” Roger asked as they started their drive home.

“Not unless you’d like me to.” Brian smiled over at him as the blond chuckled.

“Not a chance.”

Everything felt so natural as they fell into their old rhythm. That night they held each other close as they slept, their minds finally at ease now that they had each other once more.

Brian hadn’t ever felt the amount of happiness that he got from waking up to his love in a sun soaked room, his heart skipping a beat upon the blonds lips connecting with his own in a perfect moment, feeling as if no time had passed at all.

He couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face as they made breakfast that morning, taking care of their beautiful baby girl. He watched as Roger sipped his coffee and Lila sung happily to herself.

And for the first time in a long time, he was finally where he belonged.


	34. The End

_ **One Year Later** _

It had been a long day. With a three year old constantly talking and following at their heels, a six month old puppy barking up at them, and the social services agent on the phone that had them on hold for three hours.

Yes, it had been a long, loud, almost irritating day. But it was well worth it as the two got out of the car and walking into the building with excited smiles.

It was adoption day.

I know what you're thinking! It's been a year and Lila is still not officially adopted? Are these two even married?

Well, we've gotten a bit ahead of ourselves!

Two months after Freddie and Jim's wedding, Brian had finally proposed to Roger. It didn't seem logical to wait even longer, so he took the family to Holland park. As Freddie hid in a bush to snap a few pictures of the moment, Brian proposed in the exact spot where they first got together. Roger insisted it was downright cheesy, but everyone knew he loved every second of it.

By the spring, they were married. It was a small ceremony of close friends and family, but it was everything they wanted. Freddie was Rogers best man, of course, while John took the role of Brian's. Roger had stolen Jim from Brian's wedding party, saying that it was only fair because Jim was his third best friend (fourth counting Brian).

They spent their week-long honeymoon in Tenerife while Lila stayed with Freddie (he insisted until they finally gave in), and don't worry — it was Rogers idea to go there! They spent their time by the beach and also seeing some of the work Brian had done while he was away. The atmosphere was romantic and calm, something they needed more than they cared to admit.

As soon as they returned from their honeymoon, the social worker, Cassie, had come for her final visit. She was over the moon when she caught sight of the rings and didn't even have to ask a single question before approving the adoption process.

By the end of the month, Lila was legally theirs.

So where does that leave us?

Right! Adoption day! But if Lila was already adopted...?

"Alright, are you ready?"

Brian and Roger shared a look, smiled stretched across both of their faces. After months of applications, approvals, and waiting, the moment was finally here.

"Yes, we are." Brian spoke softly, giving Rogers hand a gentle squeeze.

The door opened as a woman came out with two bundled up babies, a pink and blue blanket swaddling their tiny bodies. They were just under a month old, their eyes fluttering open with curiosity.

"Meet Lennon and Abbey." She smiled at them as the two men in front of her grinned with watery eyes. They immediately accepted when she asked if they'd like to hold them.

It was their first time getting to meet the twins, but the adoption agency had let them choose their names before hand through virtual visits. The excitement that radiated off of them was intoxicating, as they whole room with grinning ear to ear as they held their new son and daughter respectively.

"They're so beautiful." Roger grinned up at his husband, rocking his daughter in his arms. She had already fallen back to sleep, her hand wrapped around Rogers finger.

"They're absolutely perfect." He smiled, gazing down at the two sleeping babies.

They had initially planned on adopting one baby, but when they agency first suggested the twins a few weeks ago, they were dead set on adopting them.

As Roger had said many months ago, _three did sound nice._

Once the paperwork was finished, they got the two buckled into their seats and began to head home. Lila had been bouncing off the walls at the idea of her new siblings. She had been carrying around her babydoll for a month pretending to feed, change, and take care of it 'like a good big sister does', to say it melted everyone's hearts was an understatement.

It wasn't that simple at first, there was a bout of tears upon the news as the toddler worried that they wouldn't love her the same. After many reassurances, a bowl of ice cream, and a back to back viewing of Tangled, she had warmed up to the idea and was full of smiles.

By the time they got in the door, Lila quickly approached them, stopping at their feet and staring up at them with her wide blue eyes, her curly hair was a mess and she wore the biggest smile they had ever seen.

"Papa?" She tilted her head, standing on her tip toes to try and see into the carriers that him and Brian were carrying. "Can I see please?"

"Sure thing, flower." Roger grinned, leaning down and placing the carrier gently on the ground. "Just be gentle, she's very fragile."

"Mhm, she's a fragle." Lila nodded, kneeling down and leaning into the carrier. "Hi, baby. I'm Lila, you can't talk yet but daddy said your name is Abbey, like the Beatles! Papa and daddy love them!" She babbled excitedly the the newborn, who watched her with wide eyes. It was still a bit difficult to understand her, but she was definitely taking after Roger with her chattiness and her charm.

"Lennon's here too, Lila." Brian chuckled, placing the baby boy down beside her.

"Oh wow. That's a lotta babies, daddy!" Lila put her hands on her cheeks and smiled, they could see her shaking a bit as if she was holding back her happy jumps she liked to do. "He's a boy!"

"He is a boy." Roger chuckled. "If you go and sit down, you can hold them."

"Papa, I'm little! I can't hold so many babies, papa! They fall!" Lila gaped up at him in a way that made both men laugh.

"I'll just have to hold the other one, darling." Freddie grinned, coming up behind them. "And excuse you both, where was my phone call saying you had arrived?"

"They've got two babies, love." Him reminded him, but Freddie only rolled his eyes.

"Common curtesy to let me know when my godchildren have arrived." Freddie's face broke out into a smile. "Oh, aren't they precious."

Roger snorted, unbuckling Abbey from her seat as she whined quietly. "Sit down, Fred."

"Helicopter dad." Freddie muttered, plopping down on the seat.

"Papa’s not a helicopter, Uncle Darling!" Lila giggled, immediately jumping up on the couch to cuddle into his side.

"Thank you, flower." Roger laughed, leaning down to kiss her head before handing Abbey off to Freddie.

"She's fragle, be very gentle, okay?" Lila reminded Freddie who just smiled at her.

"Of course, dear."

Then Brian handed Lennon to Lila, instructing her on how to hold him as her smile just kept growing bigger and bigger. Lila was over the moon, her nose crinkling up as she laughed at Freddie's jokes and her smile not leaving her face as she got to swap out holding her baby siblings.

John and Ronnie even stopped by to say hello, their own little army of children along with them. Ronnie was excited to see more babies, as she just got news that she would be having Deacon number four sometime next year.

Brian watched as Roger glowed, his eyes staying on the kids the entire time as he smiled. He found it funny that all those years ago, he never would've guessed Roger would love being a father this much. But now he watched as he filled the role so gracefully, so naturally.

After a few hours had passed and everyone had left, they gave the twins a bottle and put them to bed and with a promise of putting the kettle on, Brian stayed in the kitchen while Roger put Lila to bed as well.

"Papa?" Lila looked up at him from her bed, hugging the toy hedgehog close to her as she struggled to keep her eyes open.

"Hmm?" Roger sat on the edge of her bed, watching as she fought sleep.

"I love you, papa. Daddy too. And the new babies. I love you, papa." Lila yawned, a tired little smile on her lips.

"We love you too, flower." Roger kissed her forehead, tucking her in before turning her nightlight on. He smiled as she lost the fight and let her eyes flutter shut. After a moment, he finally shut off the light and left the room.

Upon reaching the kitchen, he found Brian with two cups of tea, sitting at the table with a candle lit and music playing softly in the background.

"I figured it was a bit late for wine, but I felt it was only right to celebrate." Brian stood from the chair with a soft smile on his lips, taking the blond by the hand as he led him further into the candlelit kitchen.

Roger grinned, listening as Billie Holiday played over the speaker. He soon recognized it as 'P.S. I Love You' as her soothing voice began singing.

"We've got a lot to celebrate." Roger wrapped his arms around his neck, as they swayed slowly in the dim kitchen. "Lila said she loves us."

"She's absolutely perfect." Brian leaned his forehead down to rest against Rogers as they shared a sweet smile. "We're so lucky to have them, Rog."

"We are." Roger gazed into his eyes before pulling him in for a soft kiss. It was one filled with so much love and contentment, a fleeting moment they'd held onto for as long as they could.

"I love you." Brian whispered as he pulled away, his lips ghosting over Rogers as he spoke.

"I love you too, Brian." Roger smiled, moving to rest his head against his chest as they swayed long past the song had ended, the sound of his heartbeat bringing a sense of comfort and safety that washed over him like a wave in the sea.

In his life, Roger had dreamed of the perfect life with so many different ideas of what 'perfect' might've looked like, he never knew perfect would be dancing in the kitchen with the love of his life, with his children sleeping peacefully in their beds.

And through it all, he couldn't imagine anything better than just that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap folks! I've got one more little chapter for you, a little epilogue that I've actually been working on for a few months now :)
> 
> I've loved writing this so much and I appreciate all of you that have read and commented!
> 
> Until next time 
> 
> Peace ✌🏻


	35. The Dad Talk (Epilogue)

Twelve Years Later

Pacing, nail biting, and occasional supportive remarks. Nerves were high as they waited by the front door, waiting for the doorbell to ring. With the twins at a friends house, they were left alone with Lila...getting ready for her first date.

"So how are we going about this?"

Brian stopped pacing for a moment, looking at his husband with a stressed frown.

"Awkward silence? I can show him my telescope?" He suggested, his frown deepening when the blond snorted.

"He's Lila's boyfriend, not yours. I thought I was the only one to see your telescope." Roger joked, though the word 'boyfriend' felt wrong talking about their little girl.

"No! Not boyfriend! She said nothing is official! They're just friends!" Brian stressed, tugging at his curls. "And that innuendo is not appreciated! You know what I meant!"

"She also said this wasn't a date, but she's been getting ready for the past two hours and won't let me in her room." He chuckled, grabbing the older mans hands from his hair. "They aren't just friends."

"He's not wrong, darling! You know, Roger lost his virginity at her age!" Freddie called from the couch, grinning widely. "A date is hardly anything!"

"Why would you say that?" Brian gaped, his hands pulling at his curls even more.

"Fred, shut the hell up!" Roger grabbed a shoe and flung it at him. "You're going to give him a heart attack!"

"I'm just stating facts, dear. Teenage pregnancy is no laughing matter! Educate your children!" Freddie just laughed and dodged it before standing up. "As much as I love drama, Jim and I are having dinner with John and Ronnie tonight. You know, the one you two refused to attend?"

"Our daughter is going on a date, Freddie! We have to stay here and wait for her to come home!" Roger argued. His logic was flawed, but she was still his baby!

"It's not a date, papa!!" Lila called from her room.

"Teenagers." Roger snorted.

"Okay, just do the good cop, bad cop thing on him. If you put the poor dear in his place before hand, he'll know not to try anything." Freddie shrugged, opening the front door. "Goodnight, darlings. Tell Lila to have a nice time on her little date! And to remind her boyfriend about the birds and the bees!"

"Fred, you're about to lose the title of godfather for the twins." Roger glared and Freddie just laughed.

"It's not a date!!" Lila grumbled from the top of the stairs, her hands on her hips as her face heated up. "And don't be gross!"

"Sorry, flower. Uncle bitch was just leaving." Roger huffed, shoving him out the door as Lila just giggled before racing back to her room.

"Uncle bitch? Really? I miss Uncle Darling!" Freddie snorted just as the door slammed in his face. "The disrespect!"

And the the pacing continued.

"Okay, good cop, bad cop. We can do this." Brian took in a deep breath, chewing his nails.

"It's a teenage boy, Bri. It'll be easy." Roger leaned back, crossing his legs as he sat.

Then the doorbell rang.

"What do we do?" Brian was frozen on the spot, a look of panic on his face as his eyes darted between Roger and the door.

"Bloody answer it!" Roger snorted, unlocking the door and pulling it open. His amused smile dropped as he stared down at the fifteen year old boy.

"H-Hi, I'm Tom." The boy said, his hand shaking as he extended it for a handshake. In his other hand was a small bouquet of flowers.

"Can we help you?" Roger cocked an eyebrow.

"Y-Yes, I was wondering if, um, Lila was home?" Tom stuttered out, swallowing as he avoided eye contact with the older man.

"Are you selling something?" Brian chirped in, trying to follow Rogers lead, though he wasn't quite sure how. He knew by Rogers confused glare that he had not 'picked up' what Roger had 'put down'.

"Um, no..."

"Alright, come in and sit down." Roger pointed towards the lounge as Tom walked in nervously. The kid was pouring sweat.

Brian almost felt bad for him, but after Roger reminding him how gross teenage boys could be (the little shits could be ruthless!) Brian quickly remained his composure.

"What are your intentions, Tom?" Roger stood in front of him, crossing his arms.

"Yes, what are your intentions, mister?" Roger looked at Brian as if he grew another head, rolling his eyes before looking back at Tom.

"Erm, I-I like your daughter a lot and I wanted to, um, get to know her better." Tom looked down at his hands. "If that's okay."

"Well if she already said yes, it's not our decision to make." Roger put his hands on his hips. "How old are you?"

"Fifteen, sir." Tom looked up, he was still clearly nervous.

"Fifteen, huh?" Brian asked louder, as Roger just rubbed a hand over his face. "Interesting..."

Roger bit his lip, turning around as he tried not to laugh. Seeing Brian try to be tough and intimidating was probably the funniest thing he had ever seen. He couldn't tell if he wanted to be annoyed at him or just pester and make fun of him for the rest of the night.

"Do you have a job? University plans? Where do you see yourself in five years?" Brian spat out questions like he was on a timer and Roger damn near lost it. Tom looked less scared and more confused at this point.

"I-I like Imperial College..." Tom answered, shifting in his seat. "My mum won't let me get a job yet because I can't drive."

"And your five year plan?" Brian pressed, though he was definitely impressed by the Imperial College bit.

"Jesus Christ, Bri." Roger muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Erm... I'll probably still be in university..." Tom looked between the two, the least intimidating person in the world and the half annoyed/half amused blond who scared the living hell out of him.

"And what do you plan on going to university for?" Brian peered down at him, his hands planted on his hips.

"I haven't decided quite yet." The boy cleared his throat, shifting again in his seat. "Maybe science?"

"Hm, and what-"

"Brian." Roger interrupted, putting a hand up to silence the older man. Brian frowned in response, shutting his mouth with a slight huff. "Alright, Tim-"

"It's Tom, actually..."

"Right, Todd." Roger rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest as he cocked an eyebrow. "Did you see that green car in the parkway?"

"Uh..." Tom glanced towards the window and nodded. "It's very nice, sir."

"Yes, very nice. Perfect condition. It would be a shame if it got a dent in it, but I do have a tendency to run things over when I'm angry." Roger mentioned casually, catching the young boys eye once more. "But I'm sure I won't need to run anything, or anyone, over tonight."

"C-Course not. Loud and clear, I-I understand." Tom stuttered out, shrinking as the blond stared him down.

"Glad we agree." Roger nodded, moving to sit on the other couch while still keeping his 'bad cop' vibe up.

After a long silence, Tom swallowed the nervous lump in his throat before raising his hand hesitantly.

"Yes?" Brian cocked an eyebrow, looking down at the boy.

"Um, may I use your bathroom?" Tom asked, a slight stutter in his words.

"Uh, down the hall to the left." Brian muttered, spinning to face the blond after Tom disappeared down the hallway. "What the hell, Roger?!"

"What the hell? You, what the hell!" Roger pointed at him in an accusatory fashion.

"What?"

"I don't know!" Roger huffed in exasperation. "What the hell was all that?"

"I was clearly the bad cop! Why'd you do bad cop!" Brian rubbed his face. "You were supposed to be good cop!"

"Um, have you met me? I am the bad cop! I am the definition of the bad cop!" Roger argued back.

"Oh, really? Mr. Winnie the Pooh voice?" Brian retorted with a snort.

"You have the voice of a...a teacher who's class people fall asleep in!" Roger crossed his arms and Brian frowned. "Mr... Mr goddamn Rogers!"

"Hey! They don't fall asleep in my class..."

Brian's pout broke the argument up right away and he sighed.

"Fine! But your voice is more soothing than Morgan Freeman's!" Rogers argument was interrupted by the clearing of a throat at the top of the stairs.

"Dad, Papa... Why are you aggressively complimenting each other? Where's Tom?" Lila frowned, crossing her arms as she stared down at them.

"Uh, no reason, sweathead." Brian said with a shaky smile. "He's just in the bathroom. Are you finished getting ready, sweetie?"

"Just about!" Lila smiled, ignoring her both of her dads antics. She was well used to this by now, her first school dance was even worse as they both freaked out until they picked her up. She quickly ran back to her room as the two men plopped down on the couch.

"So...better than Morgan Freeman?" Brian smirked.

"Fuck off! You called me Winnie the Pooh!" Roger crossed his arms with a pout.

"How is Morgan Freeman an insult?" He chuckled, putting an arm around his husband as the latter pouted.

"It's not. He's a national treasure." Roger sighed.

Brian just chuckled, shaking his head as Tom walked back out of the bathroom. The poor boy was pale and shaking as he looked at the two men on the couch.

"I-I can wait in my mums car." Tom stuttered, ringing his hands together. "I-If you want me to."

Roger bit back a laugh as Brian slapped his arm.

"Don't be an ass." He muttered as the blond let out a snort.

"Tony, come on and sit down a minute." Roger said, standing up and nodding to the loveseat. The young boy cautiously walked into the lounge and sat down staring up at him with wide eyes.

Roger watched as the boy shook in his seat, and as funny as he found it, he knew he had to do the right thing and actually talk to the kid.

"Alright, Ted, you seem like a good kid." Roger began, watching as the boys expression changed from fear to confusion. "I trust that you'll have her home by eight and that you will be respectful the entire night."

"Yes, sir." Tom nodded quickly, his eyes darting over to Brian.

"Erm, yes. We trust you'll be good to our daughter." Brian agreed, smiling a bit when Tom let out a sigh of relief. He hated being bad cop anyway.

"So...Imperial College. That's a good one." Brian began and Roger rolled his eyes. Here they go again, anytime the school is mentioned, Brian goes on long rants and raves about it. He wasted no time in talking the teens ear off.

It was nearly five minutes of the two yapping at each other about the college and different majors to consider. Roger thanked any god that may or may not exist when Lila appeared at the top of the stairs, descending with a soft smile.

"Hey, papa. I'm all ready." Lila pushed some of her hair out of her face. Roger was floored at the sight before him.

Lila's curly hair was styled into gentle waves, and it was dyed blonde after a short bout of convincing to Brian, who claimed Roger wouldn't be able to dye hair correctly (he even showed her pictures of the time he had dyed his hair green on accident), but he finally caved with Roger reminded him that it was just hair and it was Lila's choice, not his.

"Oh, flower..." Roger smiled, making his way to the teenage girl who then grinned up at him. Her sundress was white with blue flowers, drawing out the blue in her eyes.

"Do I look okay, papa?" She asked quietly, glancing over to where her dad and date were still fully engaged in college talk.

"You look absolutely stunning." Roger smiled, pulling the young girl in for a hug. Lila's smile widened, but quickly fell when she heard a tiny sniffle.

"Papa, are you okay?" Lila pulled way to see her Papa's eyes filled with tears, a soft smile still stretched across his face. He nodded, smiling down at her.

"You just look so much like your mum. You're a spitting image." Roger wiped his eyes, shaking his head a bit, though his smile never faltered. "She'd be so proud of you... I'm so proud of you, Flower."

Lila felt the tears welling up in her eyes as she hugged her Papa, a sad smile on her face as she looked up at him.

"Thank you, Papa."Lila said as she pulled away from the hug. Before she knew it, Brian had her in a bear hug, holding her close to his chest.

"Have fun, baby girl. We'll see you when you get back." Brian pressed a kiss to the top of her head, the young girl smiling up at him. He saw so much of Matt in her, it was almost like his best friend was still with him after all those years.

"Love you, papa, love you, dad." Lila smiled, moving to kiss them both on the cheek before walking to Tom. "Ready to go?"

Tom glanced at the two with a nervous smile before nodding. "I'm ready, Li."

The two teens grinned at each other before repeating their goodbyes and walking out the door.

"We handled that so well." Roger nodded to himself, plopping down on the sofa.

"Completely nailed it." Brian chuckled, sitting down beside him. "The day she gets married, god, we'll probably blow the house up."

"Bloody hell, Bri, she's not even finished school and you're trying to marry her off already!" Roger laughed, leaning into him as the taller man snorted.

"Not for a long time!" He defended himself, chuckling a bit. "I'm not ready for that."

Roger shook his head, an amused smile still spread across his face. "She's growing up so fast, Bri. I can't believe it."

"Neither can I." He wrapped an arm around the smaller man, leaning his head on the blonds as he sighed. "We did a good job raising her, she's... she's absolutely perfect. Lennon and Abbey too."

"Do you think they'd be proud of us?" Roger looked up at him and suddenly, he was that scared twenty-four year old again, terrified of messing up the role of a parent, one he got overnight.

“I think they would.” Brian smiled, pushing a bit of hand out of his face. It was much shorter these days, though he was pushing forty now, as he said (really he was only thirty-six), he still seemed so young with his blond hair falling in his face. “They really would.”

His words seemed to put him at ease, his worry melting into a gentle smile as he leaned up for a soft kiss.

It was bittersweet seeing Lila grow up, but they knew they couldn’t cling desperately to her childhood years much longer. They had to let her grow and learn, something that couldn’t happen if they didn’t let her fall down and get up by herself every once and a while.

The two men shared a smile on the couch. They knew they would cherish every moment they had left of their children’s childhoods.

And they knew how lucky they were to have each other, through it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh it’s all over! It’s bittersweet to really end it, but the time has come! Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read/comment/give kudos! Hope you all enjoyed :)
> 
> Peace ✌🏻


End file.
